Thursday, July 31, 2008

Taking it out on Ice Cream

Today my coworker was told that after August she can no longer work. My manager told her that they company was losing money, and that while she fought for her to stay, they (the company owners) said that it wasn't possible, considering the budget. My coworker was so upset. She literally started crying after work was over. My manager said that she'll call her later-on if she's given an "okay" to hire someone else.

I was totally upset. Firstly, there's the fact that she really needs the job. Second, there's the fact that now I'll be the only one in that position at the office, which means more work and stress. Third, there is NO possible way I would be able to handle everything without her. I'd need help for half the things I would do. Plus, she became one of my close friends. I'm going to miss her so much. :'(

So anyway, I came home today from shopping for shabbos, I took out some ice cream, and just felt a bit better. And I was never the type to eat away my sadness, but now, with age, I'm creating new habits. :-(

Well, today it was chocolate chip cookie-dough, if I choose another flavor next time, does that make it less of a habit?

The KGB vs. the yeshivish community part I

Thank you to Moshe for giving me the idea for this post.

As a child of people who grew up in the former Soviet Union, I've been told countless number of stories on government curruption and fear of the secret service, the KGB. Then when I became frum and actually joined a frum institution -my pathetic high"school" - I realized that I was partially living the curruption my parents lived through. The similiarities between fearing the KGB and fearing your HS principal are not-few. The frum world is a mini corrupt government and we willingly adhere to the rules. For the next few weeks, every Thursday, I'll be posting comparisons of the KGB run society to the frummy run society.

Enjoy! :)

Part 1 --> The inability to express oneself.

In the former Soviet Union the KGB was everywhere. Not necessarily actual trained KGB spies, but regular citizens who spied. These people constantly ratted out their friends and neighbors. If one was heard saying something against the government, it was possible that they'd be killed, imprisoned or sent to Siberia. If someone were caught doing anything not approved by the KGB or the psycho in charge, they'd constantly fear death.

While in the frum community saying something against the klal doesn't lead to death, the risk of being overheard is grave. For example if one talks about how stupid certain people are, or about how messed up the yeshivish system is, it is VERY much considered to be bad for shidduchim. If you get the wrong shidduch, you can't get into the right social circles, and then your kids can't get into the right schools and camps and you're as good as dead when it comes to anything in the community.

I had a friend who wasn't frum at all. She was in my school (the main program not the BT program) because her parents wanted her to be in a yeshiva. One day she and her older sister were kissing their boyfriends in their building lobby (NOT in uniform). A Rabbi that lived in her building, who knew my school principal, took a picture of them and then showed it to my principal. They were not allowed to come back to school the following year.

If you reread my post on HS being a brainwashing factory, you'd realize that the spy network is alive and well in the frum community. Two girls were expelled because they were caught in Florida wearing bikini's. So, basically expressing oneself is prohibited in the frum community, just as much as in the former Soviet Union.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The world is coming to an end!

Nothing is more depressing than listening to the world's ignorant people. I mean, if you believe these people the world is at an end. The Islamic terrorists are going to get their hands on nucleaur weapons and take over the world, in the meantime the CO2 emissions are causing natural global disasters, while our eating habits will inevitably cause epidemic levels of cancer, all of which will lead to the end of the human race, or the world as we know it today.

ENOUGH is enough! I've had it already with the world coming to an end fear. For all of you people who complain about the end of the world, you need to seek therapy or learn to stop dwelling on it. Afterall, if you guys are right, theres really nothing us humans can do about it!

One of my professors was talking about how we should conserve energy. He said that we should walk or use bikes instead of use cars. He said that NYC will be flooded in 15 years. Lets say he's right, wth does he want from us? Lets imagine all the green-hippies get what they want and we all return to the horse and buggy lifestyle, what does he think will happen? Does he think the ice bergs and glaciars will not melt? Or does he think we'll postpone the melting for another year or two? But wth is the point of postponement considering we're all eating ourselves to death anyway! Afterall, obesity and hydrogenated oils cause heart disease and cancer. We're all going to die anyway, so why not just live our last few years having fun?

Heck, we should have all the fun now, because if the crazy islamic terrorists do get their hands on nukes and take over the world, they may just end up beating the crap out of us if we fight back. Heck they may even torture us!

Whats my point? My point is is that all the whiners should just STFU already! According to you guys we're all going to die anyway. IF global warming aint gonna kill us, it'll be the terrorists, if not the terrorists it'll be our eating habits. YOU should just frikkin face the fact that the world will be over within the next few years. Instead of trying to change the inevitable you should just shut up and enjoy!

Monday, July 28, 2008

The Best "Date"

Finally for the first time in weeks my best friend and I were able to hang out. We don't usually call the days we "hang out" "hanging out" rather we call them "dates" because it makes it more entertaining. The "dates" with best friends are the best dates of all.

My friend picked me up, we went to Dougies. We always order wings. Each time we go one of us takes the leftover wings home (afterall, wings are just the appetizer, theres only so much we could eat). But today, we both took wings, cuz our families (mostly my super hungry sister) expect them. And then we went for a walk around coney island/astro land, where we had way to much fun playing arcade games for tickets. My friend won 101 tickets at the deal/no deal game so we got my sister a cute little stuffed doggy, and dice for my friends car.

Then we decided to play the water gun game. We played like 3 times to trade up to a penguin. My best friend is OBSESSED with penguins. So, yay!! she got a penguin.

And then we went to 7-11, got slurpees and scratch lotto tickets. :-D

How cute and creative are we?

Now, if only real dating was this fascinating!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Chillul Hashem

During a d'var Torah someone recently gave the concept of chillul hashem came up. The speaker said that Jews are looked upon as those who should be better than others, so if we're seen doing something wrong, it's all over newspapers, similarly if something we're doing right is perceived as wrong the newspapers get that as well. The speaker's point was, that we're supposed to not do things that can be perceived as bad, even though they're NOT bad. I have a major problem with that. I personally don't care very much what others think, and I don't think we can do half the things we do if we worry about what the goyim think.

For example, there's kolel. If we really worried about Chillul Hashem we'd ban kollel. It's only a matter of time until the media gets insight on the fact that ABLE-BODIED men in areas like Lakewood are sitting around on welfare, with five kids. Their wives having crappy jobs, and they refusing to work because they "need" to "learn."

What about shidduchim? What about that WSJ article Single Jewish Female Seeks Stress Relief? The article portrays how pathetic our dating system is. We're frum Jews, we're not supposed to pressure our daughters into marrying a random idiot to avoid being "old maids" by 25. There's something seriously pathetic about that. This entire concept is truly a chillul hashem.

What about how yeshivot are open on national holidays? What message does that send? We can live here but not give a damn about your holidays?

Or how about the fact that there's no shaking hands at job interviews or at rewards ceremonies? What kind of message does that send? How about the fact that Jews are so oversexed that they refuse to SHAKEhands at interviews.

-While there's good in having a FEW full-time learners, having any at all would be a chillul hashem.

- While certain aspects of shidduch dating are good (none of the wasting time), none of it would be allowed because the entire referencing and driving girls crazy with all the pressure, is a chillul hashem.

Personally I think the frum community is a walking chillul hashem, but what do I know? I'm a BT and modern.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Noah in 2008

I know many of you have probably seen this joke, but its still really cute. Enjoy!

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in theUnited States, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans'
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build theArk before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other over head obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they 'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status ofmost of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord. 'The government beat me to it.'

Friday, July 25, 2008

Segulah's work if you believe

I'm always up for those segulah things. If someone wants I'll say shir hashirim in a group with 40 girls (I've done in a virtual group), or say it 40 days in a row keeping people in mind. I can't think of anything else, but generally I'm up for it if its not completely ridiculous.

Last year two days before Purim my friend called me up and told me that a bunch of single girls are commiting to say shir hashirim, and keep each other in mind at a certain time. She asked if I were willing to do it. They didn't have the 40 girls, and it would help if I joined them. So I agreed. Why not? Before Purim she called and sent an email to remind me to say it. I said it. I forgot I said it. I wasn't sitting around and waiting for a guy to call me or to miraculously fall from the sky, I just moved on with my life.

A few weeks ago, this same friend im's me and says "Theres a segulah if you say perek - I don't remember which- in tehillim for 40 days, you will find your beshert/zivug (don't remember the exact word she used)."

I guess I must of been in a bad mood or something but I decided to pick a fight. I was like "yea, and why don't you just actually GO OUT. What do you think will happen? You'll say the tehillim and someone will miraculously think of you? Or a guy will bump into you and you'll actually agree to talk to him even though you weren't formerly introduced by a shadchan. Or the fact that you didn't refrence him, will that somehow be ok because its day 41?"

I literally had no more patience. I told her "I can understand people who "compliment" their hishtadlus with segulahs, like the people who go out and who network, who constantly meet new people and try new things. But I cannot understand when a dumb little 19 year old feels she's doing her hishtadlus by having two shadchanim and going absolutely nowhere to potentially meet a guy on her own-{she goes to Touro, works as a teacher etc.} A segulah isn't going to help these people. Gd wouldn't give you a guy unless he already wanted to give him to you. You relying on this segulah is just such a stupid waste of time , and its frustrating to hear about it."

She was like "Thats what you think, if you beleive in segulah's then they'll come true"

I was like "really, what does that mean? If Hashem wanted to send me a guy, but I didnt actually believe he would just solely because of the segulah, he wouldn't send him anymore? But if Gd didn't want to send me the guy, for whatever reason, I'm not ready or he's not ready, or whatever, but I say the tehillim for 40 days, the guy WILL come if I beleive he will?"

She was like " Remember last year when we had all those girls say shir hashirim on Purim?"

Me: "Yes"

She: "Well, half of them are engaged! You see it worked!"

Me: "Wow, you totally have a point there, you mean half a group of FRUM girls in their high teens and low twenties got engaged in a year! WOW, totally must of been the segulah in action. Its like if 100 seminary girls said shir hashirim for forty days, and then when 25 of them get engaged by the September right after their return you say its the segulah. Its how the society is. Those girls are ready to be auctioned off before the parents even name them. "

She: "If you don't beleive it, don't do it"

Me: "Its not about belief, its about the irrationality to think that Judaism is magic. Its about the belief that hishtadlus is solely davening. I can do a million segulot about money, if I never actually enter the work force, I aint gonna get any!"

she: "whatever, call Mrs. H, talk to her, she'll explain it"

Anyway, she said she had to go, and the conversation ended there.

So remember dear readers, A segulah only works if you believe!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Posters at the Kotel

I don't want to get into politics, because I didn't start a blog to express my political outlook on things. However, this isn't exclusive to politics, it concerns B.O.'s visit to the kotel. His compaign apparently put up political posters at the entrance to the kotel.

This REALLLY bothers me. Its one thing to go and visit the Kotel and pretend to give a crap about a religion, its another to go and make it an official compaign. I feel theres a certain church/state separation that politicians should respect when they visit holy sites.

Putting a kippa on, fine.
Putting a letter into the wall? fine.

Putting up posters in a super holy site? A bit intrusive.

And I'm not saying this exclusively about B.O., but about ALL politicians.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My generation

It's funny how often I hear people complain about "this" generation. As in MY generation. The current group of people looking to get married or are married; the young employees and college students. I find it funny how they almost always tend to criticize the generation. Use terms like "picky, spoiled, know-it-all, anti-social, lazy" or whatever else they can come up with.

Well, the other day I was exhibiting this "anti-social" behavior they speak of, and I found a quote which perfectly examplifies the "know-it-all" status given to us, here it is:

"Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it"

That's right. That's right. You criticizers really have no one to blame but yourself. :-D

The pickiness that causes the shidduch crisis? ---> The parent/educators fault.
The spoiled brats that cause the parnasa crisis? ---> The parent/educators fault.
The know-it-all's that make the rude remarks to authority? ---> The parent/educators fault.
The anti-socialness that causes the shidduch crisis ? ----> The parent/educators fault.
The laziness that promotes the Kollel Crisis? ----> The parent/educators fault.

So next time you have to blame someone for your problems, blame the generation that raised this one. :)

Why the desperation?

Today at work I received a text message from my best friend, it read:

Omg, ________is really desperate to get married. she just told me she has like two dates everday this week.

I was in total shock. The girl is 21 (possibly still 20) and she's already going nuts. I texted my best friend back and asked her why the girl is so desperate, and she replied "because her sisters were married by that age."

I think that is absolutely insane! She's not her sisters. To go out with 8 guys (i'm not counting friday or motzei shabbos) in one week is a really bad idea. That can totally confuse and complicate everything. I hate that the frum world has turned girls into this. I really hate it.

A few hours later (my best friend works) I received another text that read something like "her sisters also went out on 18 dates with their husbands before they got engaged, so thats how many dates she wants to have before getting engaged."

The frum world needs serious change. I obviously don't see anything wrong with encouraging people to start families and such, but to make 21 year old girls feel desperate is insane. And to ALLOW your daughter to go out with 8 guys at once is insane. This entire situation is insane.

Monday, July 21, 2008

No Dogs Allowed!

A girl I know gave up her dog (which she had for years) because Rabbi Wallerstein said that Jewish people shouldn't have dogs. She didn't give me a reason that he gave as to why one is not supposed to have a dog, so I have no idea why this is so. Was it a halachic reason? Was it traditional thing back in Eastern Europe not to have a dog?

One theory a friend of mine told me, was that the Torah says man should not get too close to animals, and people tend to get really close to their dogs. But I was thinking about that reason, and it makes no sense. Firstly, in my knowledge of Leviticus (very Limited) I would think that this "halacha" or Torah statement would be in Leviticus. The thing is, is that IF it is in Leviticus the "man cannot get close to animal" line probably refers to not "being with" the animal. So I highly doubt THAT would be why you cannot have a dog. Though with all the stringency's I can definitely hear Rabbeim saying "If you're alone in your home and your dog is there with you, and you love it, you may be tempted..." I know...EWW!

The second theory I made up. Due to the parnasa "crisis" the Rebbeim felt compelled to ban "extras", which further prevent people from living decent lives. Think about it...if the rebbeim ban dogs (and cats- though they're easy to hide), the frum community has more money, and are now "bored." With this new "income" they can now gamble at Chinese auctions, and sponsor dinners and yeshivos, and perpetuate the cycle of parasitic kollel men.

Whatever the reason for this dog ban, be it sick and sexually related or just randomly a "parnassa" topic, I highly doubt this dog thing is authentic halacha. But what do I know? Did any of you ever hear of this? And if you did, can you please back up with sources anything you would say against the cute little furry creatures.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Magnetic earings

I was at Claire's the other day, and they had a sale on magnetic earings; $2.75 a pair. So I bought the pair with the intention of scaring my super frummy friend. The point was to put them on on my upper ear as a second peircing. This "style" ended with Rivkah (or so they teach at the BY), and would totally mess with my friends head. Afterall, how could a decent frum girl have a second hole? Especially on the upper ear? My sister thought it was an awesome idea because my friend would definitely fall for it, and it would be loads of fun.

My friend never comes to shul for morning service, so I decided to save wearing them for shalosh suedos. I ofcourse cannot keep a straight face when I lie, so as soon as my friend walked into the kitchen (we set up shalosh suedos) I started smirking. Like this evil smirk I have.

So, there I am smiling away like an idiot, and my friend is like "Ok, what did you do?"

So I go "why do you think I did something?"

So she's like "that smirk"

So anyway, I say " I didn't do anything"

So eventually she sees the earings. And she goes "did you, um, pierce your ear?"

And I'm like "yea, don't you see it?"

So she is like "why'd you do it?"

So I say "well, I always thought it looked nice, so I decided to get it for myself"

She goes "did it hurt?"

I was like "yea, a little bit"

She went away because her little sister needed some attention. In the meantime this oldy Bucharian lady sat down near us and started chatting. She obviously noticed the earings, and was kinda staring, so my mom goes "yea, aren't they cute? She got them to scare super frummy girl." I started cracking up. My mom continued "now she's looking to get a henna tatoo to scare her as well. It will be funny"

So the lady says to my mom, "If your Anita keeps on doing this, it won't look very good for shidduchim"

I heard her. Later my mom came over and was like "did you hear what Bucharian lady said?"

And I started cracking up, and was like "wow, she totally doesn't get that I don't want guys like that"

My friend came back, and my sister was like "I'm thinking, maybe I should get them pierced too"

I was like "I don't know if you should, I think they're infected already"

So my friend is like "yea, ok" and was so obviously freaking out, but trying very hard to hide it.

I had a blast. I didn't tell her they were magnetic, so the plan is to come to shul next week, for shalosh suedos, wearing them again. Problem is, the earings are pink, and I only have like 2 pink outfits, hmm. I'll figure something out, probably just mismatch. Its not like I'm doing very good for shidduchim anyway. LOL :-).

Friday, July 11, 2008

Complimenting dates

A few weeks ago Wolf discussed the issue of guys complimenting their dates. I read the two letters he referred to (in the Jewish Press and the Yated) and I thought the girls were nuts. I cannot fathom why a girl would reject a guy for complimenting her, especially on the 4th/5th date. However, I must be unique (they'd say I was desperate or had low self-esteem) because I like being complimented. Obviously if a guy whistles and says "wow, you're hot" at any point before its obviously at a comfortable stage, I'd be pissed, but generally, I cannot imagine getting annoyed or rejecting a guy for complimenting me.

Anyway, someone wrote a response to the guy who was rejected becuase he complimented his date. The response absolutely irritated me. This guy wrote an entire letter on how his therapist wanted him to respond to all the crazy issues going on in the Yated. After reading his response, I decided I needed to seek therapy. Maybe someone would remind me why I choose to remain frum. Anyway, here is the portion about the complimenting dates:

Last, but surely not least, was the letter by Z.F. who is upset about being dropped by a girl like a hot potato. He claims that although he did say something for which he definitely should have been dropped like said potato, it was not his fault, because the shadchan gave him bad advice. He is also upset that the girl did not say straight out why she dropped him.

Now, aout the girl not giving a reason, I cannot comment. We do not konw all the particulars of the case, so we would have to leave it for the Chinuch Roundtable, whose esteemed members are called upon each week to answer questions using unbelievableperceptiveness, as so little particulars are given. It might have been better for the girl to say exactly why she was saying no, but perhaps she had her reasons.

I do, however, wish to congratulate the girl with all my heart! It is about time that a Jewish girl had the pride and self-worth to say no to being treated badly. It is about time for our daughters to be brought home from dates at normal hours and to be treated like the bnos Yisroel they are. It is sad that girls are so desperate for shidduchim that they swallow being treated badly because they are afraid to be left without a shidduch.

He told her she looked nice. Seriously. WTH is wrong with these people? Is a girl desperate because she likes being complimented by the guy she's dating? Or is she desparate only if she gets engaged solely because his mommy told him to propose.

Rav Yosef Rosenblum specifically said that it is Hashem who takes care of our problems, and if He would see us display more basic Jewish values in the way we date, He would help us with our shidduch issue. As such, the title of last week's letter, "Causing the Shidduch Crisis" was somewhat ironic. The cause, as per stated Daas torah, is acting the way this boy said he acted, not the girl for calling him out.

Dating is no exemption from acting with the propriety and values we are all taught and (hopefully) brought up with. If a boy does not konw how to act comfortably with the opposite gender without ating loose, he is not any kind of Ben Torah, that's for sure. The same goes for girls, who can be guilty of this as well.

Seriously, this is about the time I realized I need to see a therapist. If telling a girl she looks nice makes a guy 'loose' I need serious mental reevaluation. My entire mindset is twisted into thinking that if he is a gentleman he probably WOULD compliment his date, especially by the fourth date in a world where getting enaged on date 6/7 is the norm.

We are, very sadly, experiencing a breakdown of some hallowed values in today's dating scene, and it is therefore all the more heartening to read of a girl who had the self-esteem and confidence to stand up for herself. Yes, there are many "well-meaning eitza gebbers" who tell boys and girls all sorts of notions taht they are "supposed" to do or say at any given time of the dating or engagement period. There is no excuse to listen to such people. IF one does, then he or she displays extreme lack of judgment, and that alone can be reason enough to say no.

Oy vey. I cannot fathom what kind of wacko this guy is. I would think a girl has low self-esteem if she thinks the guy is a perv for thinking she's pretty. A guy is allowed to think his date is pretty. He should think his date is pretty. Its a good sign there would be a second date.


This letter really made me nuts. I cannot imagine getting engaged to a guy not comfortable enough to compliment me and vice versa. I just cannot understand the logic behind this. I cannot imagine why girls have low self-esteem because they actually LIKE being complimented.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Promise and B'li neder

On aim I asked my friend about a wedding I didn't attend because I was on vacation. I asked her how it went, how the bride looked, if the groom was cute and so on. She replied:

I have pics from her wedding, I will send them to you. B'li neder

I said: You're so frummy, "bli neder" haha

She says: I was making a promise, what if I break it?

So I went on with an argument on how she should've taken a philsophy of language course. If one doesn't say "I promise" in a culture with a language that requires one to say "I promise" she therefore, did not make the promise.

Like when little kids fight. One little kid says to the other "But you said you'd share your candy"

And the other kid (usually older) replies "I know, but I never promised"

This is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. While the "I never promised" doesn't usually get the snotty kid off the hook by a parent or guardian, the lack of "I promise" definitly did give him some leeway. Had he promised, the kid would've (in my experience) gotten in more trouble.

So my friend replied "But this is how I learned it, and I'm sticking to that"

So I said to her, "Fine, but these things are relative to language and culture. IF you never said 'I promise' and I were to take you to court, I'd get nothing, because that 'I promise' means something. Without it, I've got no case...

Also, just like you cannot use third person to refer to a Rav or teacher, since it is grammatically incorrect, and you'd have to find a different means of showing respect, you cannot assume someone promised without them actually promising. Maybe there is something in Hebrew or Aramaic that implies a promise that we do not know about, but in the English language, as well as in the American culture, one needs the "I promise" to actually imply a promise. I bet the beis din would throw something out if its without promise."

So she replies (good reply, but indirectly proved my point, not hers) "The beis din would throw everything out without a contract."

Me: "LOL, duh. a contract is a promise."

Anyway. She signed off. But it got me thinking, what is a promise? I mean, if I told my sister I will give her $50 tomorrow and I do not, I lied. And it might just be me, but I feel that somehow it is worse, and more than just a lie if I actually say "I promise I'll give you $50 tomorrow" and do not.

But then it goes to the question of (I forgot who asked) on whether or not a promise is a promise if the person giving it had no intention to hold it. So if I promise my sister I'll giver her $50 tomorrow, even though I have no desire to actually do so, am I still promising? According to some philosophers, its based on society, while others say its the law of the language (which I don't get since language is a convention of soceity). Anyway. I think my friend is totally wack. And I hold firmly to not saying "b'li neder" because its so annoying.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Learners complain about fathers-in-law

The following is a letter from two learners in Lakewood complaining about their father-in-laws. After the letter will be my response to them:

Dear Editor,

Why do I have to feel like I am being fahered every time I go to my shver's house in Brooklyn? I understand that he gives us money each month and we appreciate that very much. But does that mean that I have to be subject to questions about what I'm learning and pressured to say vertlack on the parsha every time we visit?

My in-laws are very nice people. They shower my wife, 5 children and me with gifts, they bought us a car, among other things, and graciously give us a monthly check to keep us afloat. Is that the reason that my father-in-law feels compelled to quiz me every time I come to his house? I mentioned this issue to a friend of mine who said that he experiences the same exact thing. This friend encouraged me to write this letter to the Yated. Actually, he's pushed me for months to write something, but I never got around to it.

Perhaps there is a father-in-law out here who can explain it to us. Why do you have to bombarded us with your questions on our limudim and with your vertlack on this inyan or that inyan? It is not that we aren't interested. It is just that we somehow are made to feel that we have to constantly be ready for our next "exam" when we meet you.

(This is surely not as bad as a different friend's shver who actually makes him fax a shtickel Torah to him once a month. This friend lives in Yerushalayim, while his father-in-law lives in New York.)

There are other issues about in-laws that my friend wanted me to share, but for now I think this one will suffice.

Answers, anyone?

Two friends, C.R. & M.F. Lakewood, N.J. I don't even know where to begin. This guy is seriously out of his mind. Here is my response to him/them

1) You have 5 kids, get yourself a job already. Pay for your own car. Shower your wife and kids with presents YOU *earned* the money for.

2) Considering that you're most likely going to say you earn the money your father-in-law gives you, because you're in kolel and you're fulfilling the mitzvah of Torah study not just for yourself and your family but for him as well, in that case, your father-in-law deserves to know that you are in actuality learning. He is after-all nothing more than a business man. He sees you as a good investment for the future of Torah in his family. Just like a stock-holder would look at the balance sheet of a company he's investing in, he needs to look into YOUR paperwork. If you cannot answer basic questions and if your answers do not make sense, and seem sloppy and careless, he will know that he should send you to work and go and support another pride less sucker. His questions are basically like "quarterly reports" and as the sole investor in your venture to "learn full-time" he has the right to irritate the crap out of you. He has the right to make sure he's invested in the right place.

3) About your friend in Yerushalayim... A fax is a fax. His father-in-law is paying the bill anyway. Its not like faxing to the US is complicated because he's not IN the US.


Chutzpah anyone? These guys are sitting and NOT working. Sucking up tzedekah dollars that could actually go to genuinely needy families. And sucking up tax dollars that could be used by families in dire financial need (sudden injury, unemployment, bankruptcy)

In all honesty, I'm in shock that the fathers-in-law are that bright to go and test their SOL. I think thats brilliant. Go figure the fathers are brilliant. Well..brilliant is an overstatment. They did afterall allow agree to pay for such nonsense from the beginning. A decent father wouldn't allow/want his daughter to marry such a guy. Oh well...thats just me.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Clothes Gemach

There was a series of letters in the Yated about donating clothes. One person wrote a whole long letter on how the clothing gemach works; that they go through all the clothes and they throw out everything with stains and everything which is outdated. Another lady wrote that she hates throwing out perfectly good clothes. She said that something outdated here may not be outdated in Israel. So she asked if she should donate the clothes to the gemachs for the reason that it can be sent to Israel. Someone responded the following:

Dear Editor,

This is in regard to the issue of giving clothing for tzedakeh.

To the lady who asked whether she should give "outdated clothes that are in good condition which her children won't wear," I would say absolutely not. As a matter for principle, anything that I wouldn't give my child, I wouldn't give to someone else's child either.

Clothes that are in good condition, but are not suitable for your children because they outgrew them- either size-wise or age-wise- can be given to others, in my opinion. But clothes that are outdated for your children (for any reason whatsoever), you can throw away.

A Reader

This letter really made me freak out for two reasons:

1) Beggars can't be choosers. Especially nowadays with the drop in the dollar and the rising prices of just about everything. If you're poor enough to need (not talking about people who choose to have) second-hand clothing you sure as hell shouldn't complain about the fact it's outdated.

When I was in Israel a few years ago I saw a lady in the supermarket (twice- we stayed at one hotel for about 4 days) wearing my HS uniform skirt (both times). There is no way in hell that skirt ever was or every will be in style (if the pattern ever is, def not in the length she was wearing it). She obviously either really needed the skirt, or Israel has a different style. I'm going with needed, simply because that really was one really ugly skirt. Either way, she has it, and she wore it. Using that letter writers logic, that uniform skirt should not have been donated, rather trashed. I hate that.

2) What bothers me, is the idea that frum people think there is a possibility for them to have "outdated" clothing. I've been frum for about 8 years. I still have some clothes that I could totally wear and would totally fit in. Why? Because there is no style. frum people wear the same thing ALL the time. Black skirt, blouse and/or knitted sweater. For a fancy occasion? Ugly black suit (makes them look like men) and/or a pleated black skirt with an atrocious shiny blouse. ALL blouses must be about 3 sizes too big (Gd forbid men see you have a waistline) and skirts end at mid-calf length.

A few months ago I was invited to a ger chassid wedding (one of my super frummy friends). I was going nuts "what should I wear" then I remembered I had a suit in my closet that I wore in 9th grade (about 7 yrs ago) to a super frummy Bar Mitzvah. It was an ordinary plain black suit. I wore a hot pink shell underneath and light pink, pearl earrings. Two people I know said how amazing I looked... I looked plain. I could dress up sooo much better than that, with actual nice clothes. But I wore something FIVE years old, and still managed to fit into the frum community...somehow.

So I ask you. How could clothes go outdated? I mean, we're talking abou the Yated here. The people that read this newspaper are Lakewood/Monsey/BP/Williamsburg. They don't do style. They have, and will continue to always look the same. Why not just already donate the clothes?

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Radio Dating

Every time I have an interesting date experience I tell my grandmother about it the next time I see her. I tell her for two reasons 1) because it makes her really happy that my cousins (both guys) are normal (or so she thinks) and 2) because it gets her off my back why I'm not dating anyone exclusively and/or engaged yet.

Just today I was telling her about this guy that is stalking me (yes he is stalking me, I am not exaggerating this). And she says to me "Tell him he's an idiot, and he'll leave you alone"

So I was like "I told plenty of guys they were idiots and they still call me back, I don't think the one that's actually stalking me will leave me alone"

So she was like "Tell him you're seeing someone"

I replied "Babushka, we have two mutual friends, and he showed up at my shul, believe me, I can't lie about that"

Then she goes "I need to fix my radio. My neighbor told me that every single Sunday Russian frum guys go on air and talk about themselves and what kind of girls they want. I'll let you know if a guy goes on"

I was like "BABUSHKA, I am NOT going out with a guy from the radio."

Believe it or not, about a year ago (before her radio broke) she wrote down a number for me, from a guy who was about 9 yrs older than me, and was not a US citizen. When she did that I said "not only is he too old, but he's not a US citizen, I don't need someone using me like that."

She was like "You need a mature guy, he should be a lot older, and then he'll also have money in savings, its better for you. And the fact that he isn't a citizen shouldn't matter, your parents weren't born here"

I was like "It's not about being born here, and 9 years is too many"

She decided its not worth arguing with me. Thank gd her radio broke, and she completely forgot. But now she remembered. I only have to hope she doesn't fix the radio or buy a new one (which would probably be cheaper for her anyway).

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Does Having children make you happy?

I remember back in HS one of my teachers was telling us all about Prozac Nation ( I never read the book) which is about how everyone these days is depressed. She kept saying how rich and beautiful people were also depressed, and that the reason why depression rates in the Torah community are so low, is because Jews cling to Hashem's will. She said that its having a family and having kids and a warm and loving home environment that keeps people happy.

I always assumed she was right. It seemed that having a family or something else very meaningful (deeper than just a high paying job) is really what made or kept people happy. However, today I read an article Having Kids Makes You Happy. The author quoted studies which stated "that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless" and that "Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers."

Basically, parenting isn't going to make you happy. The author did say that parents were more likely to feel very fulfilled in life than non-parents, but fulfillment isn't necessarily a root to happiness.

I don't really have a point other than that one of my teachers was wrong again. Don't think your BY teacher knows anything. She probably really doesn't. Like just yesterday I decided to watch the new TV show by the creators of 7th Heaven called "The secret life of the American Teenager" The girl got pregnant her first time having sex. My friend that was over was like "Is that even possible." I looked at her as if she were an alien. then she was like "one of my teachers said its almost impossible."

Gotta love them B"Y teachers. They're so educated in those rip-off seminaries.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

crazy vandalizers over MP4 devices

Charedi people in general really bother me. Not only do they bother me, but I think that -like the Arabs- they have it damn easy in Israel. They get just about all the benefits of the average citizen and they neither pay taxes (cuz they do not work) and they do not serve in the army (becuase they're naive idiots). Well anyway, these good-for-nothing loonies (aka charedi peoples) have decided that they haven't done enough damage with the press, so they went and vandalized a few shops for selling "MP4 devices" Yup. You read that clearly.

In the article the frummy Rabbi decided that MP4 players were the devil's way to try and gain entrance to our protected homes and yeshivas, disguised as something you can listen to Torah lessons through.

MORONS! I hate people like that. MP4 players don't cause people to go off the derech, its the uniformed frum community that does it. People who beleive in Gd, and who believe in the Torah, and who are Gd fearing, could do ALOT of stuff before they sin or go "off the derech"

If a person is secure in a beleif, he wouldn't care that half the world is screaming against him. He wouldn't care that his next door neighbor does the total opposite, and it wouldn't bother him if his kids played with the said next door neighbor's kids (considering his neighbor isn't a psycho child molester). If someone is so threatened by things such as TV, Internet, cell phones (ITS A PHONE DAMN IT!!), and MP3/4 players they need to take a deep long hard look at themselves and reevaluate their lives. Beleiving in something with such little passion, that it would disappear because of a strangers opposing opinion only shows how insecure and stupid you are for beleiving in what you beleive.

Thats right. I think you're stupid if you think the Internet or goyish music can just turn someone away from Torah. Questioning never hurt anyway. What turns people away from Torah are the retarded wacko's that vandalize other people's property in the name of Torah and the fact that they really have NO answers, because they spend their days vandalizing property and beating up innocent Israeli women for sitting on busses.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

text messaging

I hate text messaging with a passion. The entire concept of texting is so impersonal. But I use texting, why? Simply because texting is practical.

My friends all text. Before I had texting (I hated it, so I avoided making it part of my plan for a LONG time) my friends would "forget" I didn't have texting, and they would text me anyway. I would yell at one of my friends, and then about a day or two later, another friend would text me. Then some random classmate who needed HW would text me, and then BAM, I would owe a few dollars extra for texting. So for obvious reasons, I got a plan for 300 messages a month.

My parents agreed to continue on paying for my cell phone, but I would have to pay for the texting separately. Ok, fine with me. $5 for 300 messages is not bad at all.

I went over in texting almost every month. More acurately- every month but one. And I didn't go over by enough to go into the "unlimited" texting plan, which would be about 3 times what I pay now (including the over-texts).

And anyway, I need texting now. Its no longer really a "because my friends would text me" issue. At work I sit right infront of the manager, If I want to make plans with my friends, I either call and keep the convo realllly short (and be meanish cuz I'd have to get super talkers off the phone really quickly), or just text these people. I think texting is much simpler. PLUS PLUS, my very close friends (the ones I text most) actually have lives and can't chat all hours of the day either, so texting them is waaaay more convenient for both sides.

So anyway, my father receives the bill and he freaks out. "YOU WENT OVER YOUR LIMIT AGAIN!"

I ask you people, WHY on earth does it matter? I fail to understand why he cares if I'm paying for these messages on my own.


anyway...I'm going to go back to writing a post that actually has to do with frum people being wacko.