tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post6367787616529132300..comments2023-10-15T10:39:20.908-04:00Comments on One Frum Skeptic: Segulah's work if you believefrumskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-35421725685612718922008-09-02T22:15:00.000-04:002008-09-02T22:15:00.000-04:00FrumSkeptic: Ok, I posted, I took into account wha...FrumSkeptic: Ok, I posted, I took into account what you just commented before. So perhaps you will agree with it?Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-34253126240076408942008-09-02T21:45:00.000-04:002008-09-02T21:45:00.000-04:00babysitter: I dont think its "so bad" to have the...babysitter: I dont think its "so bad" to have the kid at the old age. Just that energy (or lack of) is something that should be taken into consideration.<BR/><BR/>Or how about the fact that the risk for down syndrome rises as the woman ages?<BR/><BR/>Read somewhere how the older the father is the more chances the kid will be bipolar.<BR/><BR/>I don't want to get into this, Just a thought. I don't even think Joodah was promoting waiting till 45, He was just making the point of waiting till older than 19 is not the end of the world type of thing.<BR/><BR/>Or atleast that is what I understood.<BR/><BR/>Either way, looking forward to your post. So I can repeat myself. lol. :-)frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-83512132054450747792008-09-02T21:30:00.000-04:002008-09-02T21:30:00.000-04:00FrumSkeptic: One of my to do list of blog posts is...FrumSkeptic: One of my to do list of blog posts is "having a baby in old age" because I know someone who just had a baby at 45, so I was gonna write about it. Maybe I'll choose to post that one next. So I don't have to get all into it now. But I don't think its so bad. I didn't read the context of where Joodah's comment came up, I was just reading your response to it.Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-68814011349288196102008-09-02T21:21:00.000-04:002008-09-02T21:21:00.000-04:00joodah- You may be more financially ready and more...joodah- You may be more financially ready and more patient, but you will not have the same amount of energy to devote to the child if you're an older parent.<BR/><BR/>it IS selfish to have a kid when you are to old to give them any attention. <BR/><BR/>A lady at my shul is in her high 40's and she had a 4.5 yr old daughter. She even admits she cannot give the kid as much attention as she did her 16 yr-old. She even noticed that with her 10 year old she was tired.<BR/><BR/>Just having a bit more money doesnt necessarily ensure better parenting. <BR/><BR/>Either way, I think that having a child should be up to the couple in question, not the communities they are a part of. Whether it is having a child at 18 or 35.frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-21549100800273358252008-09-02T14:23:00.000-04:002008-09-02T14:23:00.000-04:00"You know what happens when people marry after 40?..."You know what happens when people marry after 40? When their kids are in their 20s, their parents are in their 60s."<BR/><BR/>So what? When you're older, you are more equipped to deal with the stresses of marriage, you have more patience, (hopefully) a more steady job, you're more comfortable in your relationships, and you have more of a tolerance for frustrated kids,You are mature. when i was having issues with my parents, my grandparents were always there to talk it out, I couldn't help but notice that they always looked at my familial altercations in a more worldly and broad perspective. "yes she said that, but what's more important? that, or how much your mother really loves you?" My grandparents are in their 70-80's, so having a kid at 40 doesn't seem so bad to me. My 73 year old grandmother still drives my other grandmother cross-country skiis. you make it sound like when you hit 65, you turn into a wheel-chair, bed-ridden invalid. Not so.<BR/><BR/>Now look at parents who have kids at 22-23 (like my parents). They've just graduated college, are still figuring things out, are DEFENITELY not fully matured yet. Many of those relationships go on to be long-lasting and successful, but i wouldn't be suprised to see younger marriages fail more frequently, especially do to inability to deal with the stresses of marriage. <BR/><BR/>I'm not saying not to get married when you're in your early 20's. What i am saying is a little life experience post-college never hurt anyoneNomadically Teachinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08069753417703630801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-57143622960009089582008-09-02T14:21:00.000-04:002008-09-02T14:21:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Nomadically Teachinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08069753417703630801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-21832467291316836852008-09-01T03:10:00.000-04:002008-09-01T03:10:00.000-04:00Umm, this is crazy.Getting married at 25-26 is wie...Umm, this is crazy.<BR/><BR/>Getting married at 25-26 is wierd? In the non-frum world too?<BR/><BR/>Well, I personally think that it's better to get married when you are no longer a child. And for many, early twenties is still like "a child."<BR/><BR/>Also, wouldn't you rather have children when you are financially prepared for them. Now that's what I call responsiblity.<BR/><BR/>I know a girl in med. school who is 25 and unmarried. Are you gonna turn your nose down on her? She is trying to make a good life for her future generations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-29744318223625953552008-08-01T14:43:00.000-04:002008-08-01T14:43:00.000-04:00"...if you beleive in segulah's then they'll come ..."...if you beleive in segulah's then they'll come true" " <BR/>That is the way it works with ayin hora's. If a mother is pregnant some believe that if you buy stuff for the baby before its born then its an ayin hora and something may happen to the baby, so those people have to worry about it because they believe in it. If you don't believe in it, then there's no reason to not buy baby stuff before the baby is born.<BR/><BR/>I'm not so sure about the whole segulah thing, but I will say that its not that by saying tehillim by magic you will get engaged, but more that the tehillim/davening/shir hashirim will change you into a different person and therefore be at the place where you are supposed to be to get your match.Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-4295972948943677212008-07-28T14:05:00.000-04:002008-07-28T14:05:00.000-04:00Moshe,Your perspective is so warped, that I don't ...Moshe,<BR/><BR/>Your perspective is so warped, that I don't even think we're even thinking on the same planet. I have nothing to add to what I wrote above - read it again and this time try to think not just spout nonsense.David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-89003311856489661042008-07-28T13:44:00.000-04:002008-07-28T13:44:00.000-04:00Help? Go see a shrink. You can't help someone wh...Help? Go see a shrink. You can't help someone who's picky or can't commit. Either they figure out they have a problem or they end up always being single.<BR/><BR/>You know what happens when people marry after 40? When their kids are in their 20s, their parents are in their 60s. One of my friend's parents married very late. Let me tell you something, not a very happy family and to make things worse he's an only child.<BR/><BR/>btw, do you know what the reason to get married is?<BR/>You don't want to have grand-kids at an age when you can still play with them? Do you want to have kids? Maybe you shouldn't breed at all.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-87828110710985990372008-07-28T12:37:00.000-04:002008-07-28T12:37:00.000-04:00Frumskeptic: ...thats not a reason to pressure gir...Frumskeptic: <I>...thats not a reason to pressure girls (guys definitly do not get as much pressure) to get married the day they graduate HS.</I><BR/><BR/>Moshe: <I>Not at 18. But past 25, it's quite appropriate.</I><BR/><BR/>It's NEVER appropriate to PRESSURE anyone to get married. It's appropriate to HELP older singles meet other people. Biut pressure? That's what's wrong with the frum community. No one needs pressure. Almost all frum singles want to get married. Some need help getting there. But pressure just turns them off or forces them into bad marriages.<BR/><BR/>And in the extremely few cases where someone doesn't really want to get married - then that's their personal choice. Presumably they're aware that not getting married will make them not fit into the frum community, but personal decisions should be respected.David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-81382525816672606052008-07-28T12:30:00.000-04:002008-07-28T12:30:00.000-04:00The problem with marrying in your 30s is not that ...<I>The problem with marrying in your 30s is not that it's late and all your friends are marrying in their 20s, it's kids. Let's say you're 31. Let's say you get married before you're 32. If you don't have any problems, your first child will be born when you're 32. At least 18 years until marriage and you're 50, unless your child follows suit and then you're 64. You'll be a grandparent only at 65. By the time of bar mitzvah, you're 78 and hopefully still alive. By the time your first grandchild gets married, you're at least 83, if not 97.</I><BR/><BR/>Excuse me? Do you have a clue about what the reason to get married is?? Apparantly in your mind it's all about a race to see how many grandchildren you can have while still around. Extra opoints if you can be there at a great-grandchild's brit!<BR/><BR/>I agree that having kids when your health is too poor to give them a proper childhood is probably wrong. But the 1st generation you bring into thie world is where your responsibility ends. People should rush into marriage when they're not ready so they can add up the grandchildren on some scorecard? I've never heard such crap in all my life.David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-54354280813857178132008-07-27T23:13:00.000-04:002008-07-27T23:13:00.000-04:00YOU'RE AWESOME! LOVEEEEE this post :) (btw, I'm ne...YOU'RE AWESOME! LOVEEEEE this post :) <BR/><BR/>(btw, I'm new here)Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07488697438570382504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-72598881257746796932008-07-27T12:58:00.000-04:002008-07-27T12:58:00.000-04:00Not at 18. But past 25, it's quite appropriate.Not at 18. But past 25, it's quite appropriate.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-65567030656515301672008-07-27T12:54:00.000-04:002008-07-27T12:54:00.000-04:00Moshe: I agree with you. Its important to have chi...Moshe: I agree with you. Its important to have children young enough so that you can give them a stable and happy childhood. However, thats not a reason to pressure girls (guys definitly do not get as much pressure) to get married the day they graduate HS.frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-83916688834033036712008-07-27T12:50:00.000-04:002008-07-27T12:50:00.000-04:00The problem with marrying in your 30s is not that ...The problem with marrying in your 30s is not that it's late and all your friends are marrying in their 20s, it's kids. Let's say you're 31. Let's say you get married before you're 32. If you don't have any problems, your first child will be born when you're 32. At least 18 years until marriage and you're 50, unless your child follows suit and then you're 64. You'll be a grandparent only at 65. By the time of bar mitzvah, you're 78 and hopefully still alive. By the time your first grandchild gets married, you're at least 83, if not 97. And this is only the first grandchild of your first child. Your other grandchildren are gonna end up not having grandparents because you were too picky or too afraid of commitment/settling down.<BR/>Is there a problem with marrying at 30? No. Is there a problem marrying at 40? No. 50? Go ahead. Buy will you be able to do as much with your children and grand children? No, you won't. You've spent those years being a child yourself and now your kids end up having grandparent instead of parents.<BR/><BR/>I read a news article about a 67 year old woman giving birth. This is what I call a selfish bitch. She wants to have kids to play with but who's gonna be their mother when they're in school? Some old woman in a wheelchair? What kind of childhood is that?Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-35560648897465079572008-07-27T08:56:00.000-04:002008-07-27T08:56:00.000-04:00When I see a frum (OR NOT FRUM) not married by 25-...<I>When I see a frum (OR NOT FRUM) not married by 25-26 I judge. If its a guy I usually think commitment issues; if its a girl I think she is too picky.</I><BR/><BR/>Wow, I guess it's all about perspectve. Trust me, when you get to your late 30's and you still feel young, you'll be amazed at all the 20-somethings thinking time is running out when you'll know that late 20's or even early 30's is in the prime of life and a fine time to get married.<BR/><BR/>But for most people the only way to get that perspective is to live those years, so I probably shouldn't even bother to try to convince you.David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-91063797686599849922008-07-26T22:00:00.000-04:002008-07-26T22:00:00.000-04:00And a good segulah for getting married?Networking!...And a good segulah for getting married?<BR/><BR/>Networking!frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-53491836514450406932008-07-26T21:59:00.000-04:002008-07-26T21:59:00.000-04:00I agree with moshe, I dont think its possible to u...I agree with moshe, I dont think its possible to understand the opposite gender. In my family living class, the teacher made us understand one thing, men are all about ego. <BR/><BR/>I tested that out. My cousin was over our house and we decided to have tacos for lunch. My sister was cutting up the veggies, and I was taking care of the meat. My cousin wasn't doing anything. Then I got a phone call, that I needed to take. So I told my cousin to watch the meat. I told him what to do, and I said I'll be back as soon as I could.<BR/><BR/>When I was done (took longer than I thought), my cousin had the meat so tiny it was like hte perfect size for the tacos. So I was like "WOW, such a good job, I never have the patience to make it so small" and so, He got SUPER ego pleased, and now he thinks he's hte best taco maker ever, and never allows me or my sister to make taco's if he's in the house.<BR/><BR/>I got my dad to do a few things also with similar methods. BUT there is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way I understand him. I can be a super shrink and I'd never understand the workings of his mind. Its just impossible. And he's family! I doubt I'd understand a "stranger" that I'd end up married too.frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-25263128918687254202008-07-26T21:45:00.000-04:002008-07-26T21:45:00.000-04:00Psychology, even abnormal and behavioral, are not ...Psychology, even abnormal and behavioral, are not gonna help people understand the other sex. What may help is, a keg of beer for Americans or a 1L bottle of vodka for Russians.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-76894032706898054352008-07-25T18:24:00.000-04:002008-07-25T18:24:00.000-04:00moshe you didn't understand my point. I meant eve...moshe you didn't understand my point. I meant everyones crisis is important to them at that moment. For example you may worry about getting you kids into a school and not being judged for being a BT while someone else would say - boy, moshe wastes his times and has nothing better to worry about.<BR/><BR/>And yes I think to understand the opposite sex acutely enough not to be overwhelmingly miserable your first few years of marriage requires some psychology classes and some glen livet wouldn't hurt either. <BR/><BR/>Oh and as I wrote in an earlier comment - I understand why people dont want to be single well into their twenties and even thirties. We judge them. When I see a frum (OR NOT FRUM) not married by 25-26 I judge. If its a guy I usually think commitment issues; if its a girl I think she is too picky.<BR/>Oh well :)(:realistic viewerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15068486298705897992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-53132147653069188822008-07-25T13:10:00.000-04:002008-07-25T13:10:00.000-04:00Isn't there another segulah, if you wear the kalla...Isn't there another segulah, if you wear the kallahs jewelry during the chupah it helps get you married? I think the point of segulahs is that you do something to make yourself a better person and then maybe Gd says you are deserving to find a shidduch. I don't you have to do anything specific. If you say tehillim or perek shira or learn gemara its all the same.Skeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06079686750456458714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-89931356285960769792008-07-25T11:22:00.000-04:002008-07-25T11:22:00.000-04:00My favorite story is that of the very lazy girl wh...My favorite story is that of the very lazy girl who told her friend that if she pours her a drink, it's a segulah for a shidduch. I could just imagine all the girls out there who heard this story and decided to try it, cuz you never know, and anyway, we're desperate!!<BR/><BR/>*shakes head*Shain D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/13994794631558426187noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-64724058918488048502008-07-25T10:56:00.000-04:002008-07-25T10:56:00.000-04:00Everyone's concerns are real to themselves and the...Everyone's concerns are real to themselves and they feel them keenly. what I think is problematic is their elevating those concerns to some sort of community crisis that warrants mass tehillim or segulot. It's that warped perspective that is harmful to these girls and harmful to the frum community as a whole.David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-16611030284746287622008-07-25T10:50:00.000-04:002008-07-25T10:50:00.000-04:00Psychology classes?! What, there's no other "rabb...Psychology classes?! What, there's no other "rabbinically approved" majors? Oh, right, if they take anything else, nobody gonna want to marry them, righ?<BR/><BR/>Are you seriously comparing the "shidduch crisis" urban legend with your family's finances?!Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.com