tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post8450183021101071083..comments2023-10-15T10:39:20.908-04:00Comments on One Frum Skeptic: Complimenting datesfrumskeptichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-17983685924581759182008-10-28T18:50:00.000-04:002008-10-28T18:50:00.000-04:00wow, a woman after my own heart! I was just bitchi...wow, a woman after my own heart! <BR/>I was just bitching about that myself..<BR/><BR/> http://frumflipped.blogspot.com/2008/10/what-i-miss-in-shidduch-dates-aside.htmlFrum N' Flippinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08916430533625318667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-73533014822119893452008-08-06T19:07:00.000-04:002008-08-06T19:07:00.000-04:00Babysitter: I do what I wanna do. :-). lol. I jus...Babysitter: I do what I wanna do. :-). lol. I just find it humurous how these girls feel they're marrying someone they "know well enough" when they don't really know anyone, cuz it was all an act.<BR/><BR/>Moshe: LOL. I also told my friends guys don't notice anything. But they don't care. To them its all about rules, and what the shadchanim say. They're completely wack. But they keep my life interesting. lolfrumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-68703099279397845492008-08-06T18:58:00.000-04:002008-08-06T18:58:00.000-04:00Judging by me and most of my friends, heels, no he...Judging by me and most of my friends, heels, no heels, black, purple, green, whatever.<BR/>Guys don't notice clothes. Unless they're gay or metrosexuals.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-81705883512630816392008-08-06T18:48:00.000-04:002008-08-06T18:48:00.000-04:00FrumSkeptic: well those sound like ridiculous rule...FrumSkeptic: well those sound like ridiculous rules, I would say wear and say what you want, your friends can do it their way and you do it your way.<BR/><BR/>Do what makes sense to you, the whole point is to try to express yourself, what you like, if you dress the way you want then it shows what you are like. <BR/><BR/>About the soda, I wouldn't order diet, I think the word diet is just there for a psychological effect to make the people feel better, but I doubt its helping anybody diet. <BR/><BR/>Its funny, the kids I babysit, when they have diet soda in their house they say they can't drink it cause their mother doesn't let them have diet cause it has not good stuff in it and could stunt your growth. So anyways that was a good way to stop them from drinking soda, just telling them that the soda they had was diet, so they knew they can't drink it.<BR/><BR/>I personally like heels, cause it makes me taller, but I never wore any of the heels that are separated from the shoe. <BR/><BR/>Moshe: that was funny, that's what I would imagine a guy would say.Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-14407325318228663532008-08-06T18:04:00.000-04:002008-08-06T18:04:00.000-04:00Is he though? Probably doesn't care. I think the...Is he though? Probably doesn't care. I think they're stupid, unless the girl knows at least 3 ways to kill a person with them, then it's cool.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-66054327878193134432008-08-06T18:01:00.000-04:002008-08-06T18:01:00.000-04:00Its not that purple is bad, black is just protocal...Its not that purple is bad, black is just protocal. They can't do anything different, or else the guy may actualy get to know you as more than just girl # ___. <BR/><BR/>When my super frummy friend was going out on her first date, the shadchan took her shopping and forced her to buy heels. and this girl NEVER wore heels. She fought it, and then she decided "If he's expecting heels, he should get to see heels"frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-4203212311116442662008-08-06T17:59:00.000-04:002008-08-06T17:59:00.000-04:00Purple's bad?Wow, she's retarded. But at least yo...Purple's bad?<BR/><BR/>Wow, she's retarded. But at least you have a way to weed out stupid people.<BR/>Dee dee dee.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-80548333799299889922008-08-06T17:56:00.000-04:002008-08-06T17:56:00.000-04:00and about the diet coke. I told her the exact same...and about the diet coke. I told her the exact same thing, and she replied that it doesnt matter, its what you're supposed to do!frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-86460995901422441992008-08-06T17:55:00.000-04:002008-08-06T17:55:00.000-04:00I wore a purple outfit I have. And awesome black ...I wore a purple outfit I have. And awesome black boots :-).frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-49725551768918468172008-08-06T17:54:00.000-04:002008-08-06T17:54:00.000-04:00What did you wear?How does drinking diet coke show...What did you wear?<BR/><BR/>How does drinking diet coke show that you take care of yourself?! It's disgusting and bad for you. Carcinogens and the several recent studies linking diet drinks to obesity.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-60844760714743546952008-08-06T17:40:00.000-04:002008-08-06T17:40:00.000-04:00not like the rules are official, but I once went o...not like the rules are official, but I once went out on a date, and afterwards I told my friend what I wore, and she yelled at me, telling me I'm supposed to have worn a black skirt, and a black shirt, and accessorize it with colored necklaces and belts (obviously nothing to loud). <BR/><BR/>Then I was telling my friend something i was telling a guy about on a first date. Basically that I wanted to be a fascist dictator. And she was like "ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU CAN"T SAY THAT ON A FIRST DATE" and then she had like 5 of her friends agree with her, and tell me its against some sort of protocal. but w/e. The guy didn't seem to mind.<BR/><BR/><BR/>OH!! Guy on date once asked me "so you're getting hte diet coke?" I was like "no, regular sprite" he was totally surprised, like HOW could a girl NOT order a diet something or a water?<BR/>friend yelled at me about that one 2. she said "You're supposed to order a diet so it looks like you take care of yourself"frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-80486936581780684952008-08-06T15:29:00.000-04:002008-08-06T15:29:00.000-04:00FrumSkeptic: where do I find out about those rules...FrumSkeptic: where do I find out about those rules of what you can wear and what you can talk about?Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-7056801043658692592008-08-05T17:29:00.000-04:002008-08-05T17:29:00.000-04:00"Well long time can be relative, but whatever time..."Well long time can be relative, but whatever time which is long enough to know."<BR/><BR/>What does that mean? Especially since this couple has never ever spoken to anyone of the opposite gender on a non-superficial level before. <BR/><BR/>Plus, there are rules on what you can/cannot wear on a first date, what you can/cannot talk about, etc. There's only so much time in this "long enough" before your parents begin to go "nu?"<BR/><BR/>And then you're engaged after a few weeks, and all you know is that he wants kids (duh!) and a Honda Odyssey.<BR/>Oh, and which yeshiva he's learning at, and you already knew that because thats on the "resume"frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-48224772845100195452008-08-05T17:25:00.000-04:002008-08-05T17:25:00.000-04:00Babysitter: If a guy commented anything on my ana...Babysitter: If a guy commented anything on my anatomy, at any point before its obvious I'm super comfortable with him, I'd smack him, real hard.<BR/><BR/>We're not discussing commenting on anatomy, we're discussing "You look nice today"<BR/><BR/>When every person I know compliments a little girl, they say "wow, you look so nice in that dress" The "the dress looks nice" is usually between friends. You ALWAYS (in every case I've experienced) tell the little girl SHE looks nice.frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-63982343825178961582008-08-04T11:31:00.000-04:002008-08-04T11:31:00.000-04:00Frum Skeptic: Of course compliments like those are...Frum Skeptic: Of course compliments like those are great and important. But with little girls you never compliment them on the way they "look" as in their anatomy, which is what a bunch of commenter were talking about. When you tell a kid you like her skirt, its because you actually like her skirt, and your not talking about what's underneath it. While here, it seemed like people were saying that guys should be complimenting them on the way they "look" as in what's under the clothes. While I think that's inappropriate, there's still an issue of tznius by talking about it. <BR/><BR/>Well long time can be relative, but whatever time which is long enough to know.<BR/><BR/>ok then, I don't like the idea too much either.Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-81290064229023547412008-08-01T19:04:00.000-04:002008-08-01T19:04:00.000-04:00I think you mean that the shidduch resume is to he...I think you mean that the shidduch resume is to help the parents find parents with similar interests.Ookamikunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01145237927656807738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-51638047891541008832008-08-01T18:12:00.000-04:002008-08-01T18:12:00.000-04:00babysitter: You ever babysit little girls? Do you...babysitter: You ever babysit little girls? Do you every see how they put on a new bow, or a pretty dress, or new shoes and run around and play around you? Do you see how much they blush, and how happy they get when you say "OMG shany, is that a new bow? And that dress? and those shoes! OMG, you look sooo beautiful today"<BR/><BR/>"big" girls aren't any different, we're just more subtle. Little girls aren't usually fat and they beg for compliments, from their own parents/siblings/beloved babysitters, even though they KNOW they must be cute/pretty. I mean, which parent doesnt call their darling 5 yr old precious and pretty all the time even when she doesnt ask for it?!<BR/><BR/>"But does it come given at one point that the guy likes her looks if he's been going out with her for a long time and is considering marrying her"<BR/><BR/>How many dates, or weeks is considered a "long time" for you? Because from the many frum people I know, "long time" was MAYBE three months. I don't know about you, but i could totally see myself pretending to like people for three months with enough pressure (like at work, or for class projects and stuff). <BR/><BR/><BR/>The shidduch resume is the biggest joke I've ever come across. Don't even get me started on that, I may offend to many people.frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-84794966289458370342008-08-01T17:52:00.000-04:002008-08-01T17:52:00.000-04:00Interesting, I never thought of it that way.But do...Interesting, I never thought of it that way.<BR/><BR/>But does it come given at one point that the guy likes her looks if he's been going out with her for a long time and is considering marrying her. Its only when their married and she gets pregnant and she thinks she's getting fat and ugly that she needs to hear she's beautiful because she has a baby growing inside her. <BR/><BR/>I would hope these people aren't having arranged marriages, I mean the whole point of the shidduch "resumes" is to help find someone with similar interests and stuff, that's why they ask you what you are looking for, and about yourself so they can do a match based on that.<BR/><BR/>What do you mean "he's going to lead her on"?Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-54032445823811774602008-08-01T17:16:00.000-04:002008-08-01T17:16:00.000-04:00babysitter: Girls fall in love with what they hear...babysitter: Girls fall in love with what they hear, guys with what they see.<BR/><BR/>IF a guy doesnt think she looks good, he can go oout on 15 dates, he still wont get anywhere, even if she's the smartest, most interesting, and amzing person. <BR/><BR/>Similarly, if a girl doesn't get any feedback on looks, she's not gonna be very happy. I understand that frum girls here are rejecting guys specifically for this reason, but how many of these frum girls are actually getting married to guys htey actually have things in common with? MOst of these marraiges amongst the non-complimenters are practically arranged. And this just proves that these people have ridiculous marraiges.<BR/><BR/>If a guy doesn't pay attention to looks, he's only going to lead her on.frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-56310013552830792112008-08-01T15:36:00.000-04:002008-08-01T15:36:00.000-04:00another thing: compliment doesn't only have to be ...another thing: compliment doesn't only have to be about looks. Actually compliments other than ones about looks are so much better, it shows you are paying attention to what the person is saying, you know stuff about them to compliment them on. While looks is just staring you in the face, there's no hard work that goes into figuring that out. I think compliments regarding looks shouldn't be mentioned until its later on, so its used to show there is something there. But in the beginning I feel its inappropriate and distracts you from being better able to get to know the person and may make some people uncomfortable.Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-80466983332124816562008-08-01T15:26:00.000-04:002008-08-01T15:26:00.000-04:00Recently Yael Respler spoke at a shidduch meeting,...Recently Yael Respler spoke at a shidduch meeting, I wasn't there, so I don't know the whole thing, but I heard she said complimenting dates is good. She even does practice sessions with people who have a hard time dating and she makes believe she's the date and teaches them how to act, I find it hard to imagine but supposedly it works and a girl got engaged after that.Jewish Side of Babysitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15792110478994916775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-43514382036157655062008-07-16T17:55:00.000-04:002008-07-16T17:55:00.000-04:00DYS: leaving brooklyn is not as easy as it sounds....DYS: leaving brooklyn is not as easy as it sounds. It is super convenient to live in this city. <BR/><BR/>ProfK: As a girl, I definitely will not deny that I do some ogling myself. :).frumskeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02990363895869876238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-26869621604326717892008-07-16T12:52:00.000-04:002008-07-16T12:52:00.000-04:00Sorry if my age is showing, but I really believe t...Sorry if my age is showing, but I really believe that the "olden days" were a lot better. Boys complimented girls and girls complimented boys. Boys learned how to ogle their dates' anatomy with some finesse and yes girls, I won't believe you if you tell me that you don't do some ogling yourself. <BR/>Had my husband not given me some compliments when we were dating I would have dropped him as not taking the type of personal interest in me that signalled things were going somewhere. The guy who has had no practice in complimenting someone is not going to get married and suddenly discover a desire/need to do so.ProfKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17954446826821665314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-13265118047077210302008-07-16T09:45:00.000-04:002008-07-16T09:45:00.000-04:00i have a friend who once told me she broke up with...<I>i have a friend who once told me she broke up with a guy because on their 3rd date he said to her that he like her sweater, this made her think that he was looking at her breasts instead of just noticing her wearing something pretty</I><BR/><BR/>Someone pointed out to me that many of the teenage Bais Yaakov girls in places like Brooklyn walk slighly hunched over these days, as if to hide their figures. If this is true, it's bad for 2 reasons. One, they are being taught to be ashamed of their bodies (a girl can have tzniyut without shame) and two, it's really bad for their posture and for skeletal health.<BR/><BR/>Is this something that's being taught in the schools?David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3683171330083869803.post-67957749678063018252008-07-16T09:32:00.000-04:002008-07-16T09:32:00.000-04:00If a guy has sense and says to her "you look lovel...If a guy has sense and says to her "you look lovely tonight", I don't see the problem.<BR/><BR/>If he raves for ten minutes about how beautiful she is when they're still early in dating, I can understand why a girl might find that uncomfortable.David Staumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04092344925121412070noreply@blogger.com