ITS ALL FACEBOOKS FAULT!

A friend of mine was at a shuir and the Rabbi was being a total ignorant doofus, and he was talking about how facebook caused a Jewish girl to get engaged to an arab guy.


My friend was absolutely peeved by the accusation, and rightfully so.

The girl clearly didn't care who she was seeing, or who she was with. IF she did she would've stopped herself before anything occured in the relationship. Aside from that there are plenty of websites she coulda met this guy on, eharmony.com, match.com, myspace, or anything else.

These rabbi's need to get reality checks and stop blaming modern technology for their own brain-defects.

There is something VERY wrong in the frum world.

Dor Yeshorim

Earlier today I was speaking with someone I know pretty well and she was telling me about her dor yeshorim results that she's compatible with the person she's been seeing.


According to her, the person on the phone said that they're compatible, and that neither one is a carrier.


Now, I'm curious if the person on the other end was new, or if Dor Yeshorim just lacks business sense and is full of crap.


From everything I heard about Dor Yeshorim it works like this:


1- You take a blood test and are given a number

2- You keep the number

3- You and a potential shidduch call in both numbers, to find out if you're compatible or not.

4- You act on the results (either break up, or go out)


Now, here's the thing, its supposed to be completely confidential. As in, you're given a number, so that NO ONE knows whether or not you're a carrier. You're just a number, and a match. No need to discover anything. Because if you discover if you're a carrier or not, it may upset you.


The person I was speaking with was told she's NOT a carrier, and that the guy wasn't either.


That lacks confidentiality. DY didn't know whether or not she was seriously seeing him, or waiting to see him for the first time only after the results were in. To give her a carrier status automatically limits the privacy control.


Aside from immoral, the concept of giving over carrier status is just bad business sense. Imagine if someone now knows they're not a carrier and they start seeing someone else. Comes time for them to discuss genetic disease testing, and one says "Oh, I know I'm not a carrier, don't bother testing yourself because it doesn't matter, we're compatible" If that were said, it would prevent that person from going out and getting tested on his own. Dor Yeshorim costs somewhere between $150-$200.


Aside from that, if both parties know they're not carriers, in the future there would be no need for their kids to be tested, which would take away future standing of the organization because they'll no longer be receiving as many costumers.


Seriously, frummies should not run things.

Aside from that, frum people should grow up, and go see their doctors, take blood tests whcih their insurances *will* most likely cover and discover on their own if they are carriers, and of which diseases. If they can't handle all that info and thats why they're such strong proponents of Dor Yeshorim, they're just not mature enough to get married.

My tired sister

When my sister is tired, she says funny things.

She says things like "cheese cream" or she calls a kitchen a chicken, or something of the sort.

Just now, my sister walked down the stairs and into the living room. She stopped in the middle of the room and had this puzzled expression on her face. She turned to my mom and me and goes "Do you know why I came downstairs?"

lol...when my sister is tired, she is funny.

Governor Patterson

About a month ago child ish behavior wrote a post about NY's Governor Patterson, asking if he were nuts, trying to raise taxes on soda while 70% of the people were against it.


Anyway, Patterson has been whining and crying about how much money the State needs, and what does he do? He raises his staff's pay by 17%!!!!!


Yup...when the state is losing money, he uses tax dollars to pay his staff more money. WHo the heck gets a 17% raise anyhow? 17%? At a time that unemployment is at a high, and NY is borrowing a crazy load of money from the Federal government, he RAISES his staffs pay. WHAT AN IDIOT! It's no wonder his approval ratings are going down...


WTH governor Patterson, WTH?

Softening Up

Moshe wrote up a post entitled "Fairwell to Frum Skeptic" In that post he wrote about how I'm going to go all soft and stop blogging.

Well...Moshe is unfortunately not far off, I have gone soft.

Over shabbos, during shalosh suedos, my super frummy friend made a ridiculous comment about something frummy, and what did I do?

I shook my head, said "its not worth it" and that was that.

Then I paused a bit, looked at my mom, and was like "O MAN! I"VE GONE SOFT!"

my super frummy friend laughed.

Whatever will I do?

I know...I'll read the Yated. Nothing can annoy a rational human being more than that newspaper!

PMS Tea

As I'm wandering down the aisles of a Key Food Supermarket I find myself strolling down the tea aisle. As I glance over the many different varieties of tea available, what do I see; A product called PMS Tea. Being the curios person that I am, I pick up the box (which btw has an OU on it) and read what it says.

Aside from the anti-bloating and water retention this box of tea promises to rid, it reads "Do not use if pregnant or breastfeeding"

Since when do pregnant women experience PMS? They may be bitchy, but not because of PMS!

Moron Uncle

I have three uncles. Two of them are smart, and one of them isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box if you know what I mean.

My mom called him up to inform him of my engagment, and he goes "wait, is she engaged or is she getting married?"

umm...is there a difference?

Then he began to give my mom a whole lecture about how its wrong that fiance and I will not be living together before we get married. So mom says "um, do you really think you are qualified to give marraige advice?" (He divorced after 6 months of marraige, and broke up with every girl he began living with after a few months); so my uncle responds "Marraige has nothing to do with divorce."

Its like, then what does it have to do with, mr. uncle? Please enlighten me!

Mom continued on speaking to him and he says (knowing fully well that fiance and I are orthodox) "Are they having a church wedding or are they doing it the Jewish way?"

WTH!?

this stuff really makes me put the concept of "family first" into perspective. It's like "does this include *all* family?

Halls

My mom was making phone calls today looking for halls.

She called up one place, and they said they have no kosher food on Sunday's, but they have a kosher-like menu on Sunday's"

My mom was like "thank you, but not interested"


Does anyone have the slightest idea what that could mean? "kosher-like?"



wth!?

Kosher Paper Towels?

I received an email from a friend of mine last week. She was on the phone with a friend of hers talking about how her grandmother makes chicken soup. Apparently her grandmother makes chicken soup with the skin, which is considered gross (dunno why, we do that, but we drain it twice before we eat it). Anyway, so my friend was telling her friend how gross that was, since its so fattening. She said the great thing to do to rid the fat, is to sift the soup through Bounty and there is no fat left (well, it is the quilted quicker picker upper!). So her friend ignored all the comments about health and fat, and says "Use Brawny, not Bounty"

So my friend says "Why?" thinking maybe its because Bounty is overpriced or something like that.

But no, her friend says that Bounty is not-kosher.

Yup, you heard that, Bounty is not-kosher. -A piece of paper is not kosher-

My friend was like "are you serious?"

and her friend replied "Yup."

My friend said "Well that has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard, a piece of paper being non-kosher and so I will davka use Bounty now just because I think its so stupid that this stuff spreads."

And her friend responded "well then Hashem will davka punish you if you do that."

***

I heard that Bounty had kitniyos on it, so they don't recommend using it for pesach. But ok, people go nuts on pesach, but dude...seriously, a frikkin paper towel, during the year? when its not pesach?! wth is wrong with people?

I'm NOT a softy !

Just to prove to Moshe that I'm not going to turn into a softy now that I got my ring, I will write a post just to spite him! :-p

I woke up early this morning and I saw the ring on my finger! I looked at it and remembered the world was all nice and good. Who cares about the fact that Obama is president, who cares that he wants to put this country into an even bigger debt than FDR ever even imagined putting us into, the world is still good. Moshiach is so totally on his way, because we all know, frummies know what they're talking about, all the time. ;)

My Boston relatives suddenly appeared in Brooklyn, with just a phone call last night that they were coming. And what did I do? I happily made their beds, I helped my mom clean up, and I remained happy, all because of the ring on my finger. :). Who cares that they just randomly showed up.

AHHH...that ring doesn't make me happy! Come'n, I wrote this post to SPITE Moshe, how happy could I be?

hehe

I'm ENGAGED!!!!!

K...So I wanted to write something a tad on the humorous side, but I had parents yell at me! lol

SO I"M ENGAGED!!!!!

YAY...MAZEL TOV!!

and instead of sticking to funny stuff like I wanted to, I'm going to describe how he proposed. lol

So we're at a restuarant, and he keeps asking me if I want to use the restroom. And I'm like "nea, not really" cuz I didn't have to...and well...even if I did..eww...public bathrooms!!!

So, we finish eating, and he pays the bill, and he goes "Do you need to use the bathroom?" And I'm like "are we going to one of the houses now?" and he goes "I don't know yet."

So I go "you know what, I'll go then just incase"

and so I come back, and I'm expecting him to just put his coat on, so we can leave.

Nope...

He has me sit down. So I was thinking "ok, he's probably trying to kill time since its cold and we don't know what else to do"

and then he takes my hands, and goes s/t like "you have rings on your fingers, but you're missing one right here" (pointing to the ring finger)

And I'm like "ooookk"

and he adds "well I have one for you"

And I'm like "na-ah! not now!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!" and its alll a blur from there. we don't even remember if he actually ever asked me to marry him. hehe. :-)

And he needed me to go to the bathroom so he could give the waiter the camera so that he can capture the moment.

and well ... OMG, I"M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!

Scandelous Wedding

Lately at work I've been kinda stuck at my desk. While at my desk I listen to talk radio (the Joe Scarborro Show is my favorite) and then during commercials I randomly browse around FM radio.

Alot of the songs out these days would be perfect to play at the frum wedding especially if you have the intention of ticking off a few frummies. :)

During the shmorg to keep the people unsuspecting you keep to playing the typical lame classical style music. For the bedeken when the guy comes out, you blast the chorus of "Untouched" by The Veronicas, afterall, its been a week since the couple has seen each other, and there is alot of tension in the air between the two. What song could possibly be better? As the guy is leaving, instead of being sung away, the perfect song would be to blast "I can't wait to see you again" by Miley Cyrus - in about 10 minutes they'll be seeing each other again, under the chupah.

When the single brothers (if any and from either side) walk down, you blast Womanizer by Britney Spears. Afterall, if they're above bar mitvah, they should be married by now. Especially with the shidduch crisis!

When the single sisters walk down the aisle, you assume they're still in HS, or else why are they still single? So you play "Faded" by Cascada because well, even if she's unique, she's probably pretending to "fit in a perfect box."

Finally, it will be time for the groom to come down. If the couple has a sense of humor, the guy will be more than happy to walk down to "Livin la vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. That would bring a laugh amongst all the people, especially if the bride is not the typical B"Y type but actually likes to have fun.


And finally for the bride, she walks down to "Genie in a bottle" by Christina Aguilera. Afterall, she's been having sleepless nights waiting for someone to release her from her single state, ever since she saw her first Disney movie. ;-), or well, her first wedding if she doesn't have a "video machine."


Once the kallah is under the chupa, it is time for her to walk around the guy 7 times. Depends on who you ask you'll get a different answer on what the walk represents. The feminists insist that the walk represents that she makes his house. She is in control of his welfare, so for the feminist, the song that would be played would be "Circus" by Britney Spears. Afterall, she's like the "ring leader" and she "calls the shots." If she's not the feminist type, and she believes the 7 time walk represents that she is now responsible to cater to his needs, Britney has also provided us with the chorus to the perfect song "I was born to make you happy"

For when the couple is finally married, and they are walking out in their typical holding-hand move, they go romantic and play "A Moment like this" by Kelly Clarkson, which happens to be kosher (aside for kol isha).

If you're going modern, and the bride and groom dance the first dance together, the best song to tick off some frummies would be "Too Close" by Next. heck, that song would tick off anyone that is even remotely prudish, even if they aren't frum.

How many of you would have the guts to play these at your weddings? I don't think I would, I'd be afraid my parents would beat me after. :-)

Insane frummies

Two six-year-old girls are running around.

One stops and says to the other "If you want to be tznius, you have to sit on the ladies table with me!"

The other little girl begins to look a bit confused.

I came over to my sister and go "I am so NOT sending any of my future daughters to that stupid school. They're six for heavens sake, who is oggling them at age six? Stupid school and stupid parents for encouraging such speak. They're six!"

And well, all I have to say is this, the frum community is one over-sexed psycho place. You can't have six year olds talk like that. I understand that they have no idea what they're talking about, but still, you don't teach that to SIX YEAR OLDS!