Holy blood

Recently my boss had an appointment with a salesman who wanted our companies business. The guy walks in, and he’s all buff and he looks like someone who spent all his free time at the gym working out. He and my boss go over pricing of the items, and the guy starts talking about how he teases the main guy of the company that he should get some business because he has “holy blood.”

Another person at the office overheard this asked “holy blood? How?”

And the salesman says “I’m about 5 generations a descendent from the Vilna Goan.”

So we all kinda look at him like “WOW” ‘cause we definitely didn’t expect that. So anyway, the guy starts talking about how he goes to a reform synagogue and that he actually likes his rabbi

.

So my boss goes “Oh yea? How much do you pay your rabbi?”

Salesman says a number over 6 figures. So we all kinda look at him like “WOWWWWW”

My boss says “how much vacation does he get?”

Saleman goes “well, we’re a reform synagogue he’s always on vacation. But he gets housing and a car.”

Then he tells a story of how one of the kids he coaches (don’t remember the sport) also goes to his temple… The kid (I guess he was about 13) was freaking out worried because one of his games was going to fall out on yom kippur and he wasn’t sure if he should go to service on Yom Kippur and upset his teammates/friends who rely on him for the games, or forget service and do what he should for his team. So the kid went to the Rabbi with his problem, and the Rabbi said “play the game. Gd will forgive you, but your friends never will.”

I was trying SOOOOOOO hard not to laugh.

The other ladies husband is a REAL rabbi and she was like “I totally disagree, some things are just not negotiable.”

Its just so sad how someone who KNOWS he’s a decendent from such a man can have a pathetic excuse of a rabbi like that!

Excercising our right to vote, and the new ballot machine

In order to exercise our right to vote, my hubby and I woke up a tad earlier than usual to make it to the ballot before work.

When we arrived at our voting place and were welcomed by a few old ladies who told us where our distract’s voting station was. Lo’ and behold the complications…

At first the lady could not find my name. She found my husbands and was confused why it was not *my* name. Another lady quickly ran over, started helping out as well… my husband was set up with a ballot, a little manila folder that said “Private” (or something like that on it) and off he was to vote. Lucky for him, he looked at his ballot and realized they gave him the ballot from the *other* party!

Hubby says “You gave me the wrong ballot.”

The two ladies “What do you mean wrong ballot?”

Quickly another lady ran over and explained that you have to WATCH for which party the voter is coming from, you can’t just give out all the ballots from the SAME stack!

Quickly they had to rewrite everything onto the right parties information card.

Finally when you can vote, you have to go into this privacy booth, you put your ballot down, and what you see brings you back to HS. It’s each candidates name with little ovals next to them and you have to color them in! MULTIPLE CHOICE EXAM FOR YOUR ELECTION!

When you’re done coloring in the little ovals next to your candidates name you put your ballot back into the manila folder (to maintain privacy) and then you stand in line to wait for the scanner, hoping your ballot doesn’t fall out and give out who you voted for!

Of all the stupid things, you have to scan your ballot face UP! Why? Where’s the privacy?

Anyway, I dislike this new voting machine. I liked the old one way better!

PUtting Kiruv on ICe

I've been saying for years that commercial Kiruv is a complete and total waste of money. For years it was obvious that the frum community was in a huge "parnassa crisis" and the recession took it in for an even bigger economic down turn. And now, we have yeshiva's closing their doors (4 of them in Lakewood) and we have families who can barely afford to put food on the table.

While frum people are a bit slow in realizing *WHY* the community is in a crisis (if your men ain't working yet you're reproducing you shouldn't be surprised)... they're slowly coming up with ideas (mostly stupid ones) on how to keep money flowing... one of which is the kiruv thing... Well... ok... a letter writer on Matzav suggested that kiruv be put on ice for the time being.

The article suggests that no one really even knows if organization that do kiruv actually turn people frum.

:)

I'm personally on cloud 9. After all I've been saying for years YOU CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE FRUM. THE PERSON HAS TO BE OPEN TO IT. If the person is already open to it, you don't need to spend a ton of money on them, just INVITE THEM OVER TO YOUR HOUSE! IF they are *not* open to the idea of becoming frum, you can give them all the luxuries, they'll take advantage of them CUZ YOU'RE GIVING IT TO THEM FOR FREE, but they won't actually become frum from it.

Don't want it to rain, don't buy a raincoat!

The following is a letter to the Editor. It was published in the Yated, in December I think (I randomly browse the paper). THe comments is from a friend of mine on the bottom:

Dear Editor,

Have you noticed that it has been raining every shabbos recently? Just a thought on the matter.

A story is told about a Rav Elazar Shach zt"l who was once asked if women should learn CPR so that they can respond and act in a situation in which a child would need it. Rav Shach said not to learn it, beacause Hashem does not put a person in a situation that he cannot deal with. If they were to know CPR, new situations would occur where they would, chas vashalom, have to administer it.

Ever since the invention of the new raincoat/garbage bag, we have noticed more and more rain over shabbos. In the past rain on Shabbos meant weekday hats, insufficiently warm raincoats, going to a shul close by, etc. Now all that has changed.

Perhaps, if we were to cut back on purchasing these deluxe rain slickers, the rain would slow down.

P.S. Enjoy the forecasted rain this Shabbos too!

Sincerely,

Drenched in Lakewood

Heres what I think:

According to this logic, Jews should no longer be doctors nor should they be searching for cures for cancer cuz then it'll just cause more illness- because Hashem wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle. And of course there should be no jewish tzedaka organizations because if there's no way to provide for the poverty stricken then we'd never have to deal with poverty.

The reason we're supposed to learn is so we get closer to g-d and have more kedusha and to avoid falling to the temptation of our yetzer hara, but if we stop preparing ourselves for those situations then we'll never come in contact with tumah/sin.

My life just took a turn- im just gonna sit around and do nothing all day so that I have nothing to deal with!

Ahh- the flawless logic of Yated readers!

Something wise

A coworker of mine happens to be a bit of a frummy. The other day we were talking and somehow or other we got into the conversation of shidduchim (nothing shocking). I was telling her random things like how my father is super into shidduchim and how he set up two couples and so forth. I told her that I try to set people up, and so far no successes, and she told me how she tried a couple of shidduchim and gave it up.

She explained that shidduchim is super complicated. She was going on and on about how you have to call everyone to get "information" on the person to make sure they're alright, and she said its just not worth it. Then after a pause she was like "And the questions sometimes are just so stupid."

TO which I said "I know right, I had a shidduch call about my friend, and the guy asked me if she's helpful in the house, as if I live with her and I know what she does when no on is observing!"

SO my coworker goes "Yea, and even so, its such a stupid question, its all a matter of who you marry anyway."

Then she said:

"I had a neighbor who was a complete slob. She had 9 kids and the house was always dirty and messy, and it was disgusting to go in there. Her oldest daughter never helped her. She was lazy and just didn't allow the dirt to bother her and she sat on the porch and sucked her thumb. Yet, she got married. Her sister, the second daughter, the same thing, a complete slob. Totally didn't care. It wasn't until the third daughter was 'in charge' as the oldest that anything ever got cleaned... A few years down the line, I bumped into that oldest daughter that was a slob, and she had many kids, yet, she was the biggest neat freak. She had everything clean and neat. The house was always nice and clean and her kids were taught to help... So you really never know. Its who you live with, and the circumstances. The neatest person can turn into a slob too."

To myself, I thought that this women was so wise. I mean, she was older than me, and age brought about so much wisdom. And I know, that from my own marriage, there are a lot of things I hadn't expected to be doing or not be doing in regards to cooking & cleaning.

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Chutzpah!

I was speaking to an older person I know about how much kollel bothers me. I was telling her how much I found it irresponsible for someone who had no job to marry, and I told her even more so, how much it bothers me when they leech on the society from the get-go (have hachnoses kallah to pay for wedding for example).

The lady completely agreed with me, and told me the following story, which was just mind-boggling, but unfortunately super believable.

She used to live in Boro Park and one day she had a knock on her door, and it was a beggar. It was a frummy young guy, all dressed in his penguin-self, collecting money for his wedding.

My friend was not dressed tzniously (as she was conservative and not frum), but was dressed in a robe that was sleeveless.

The guy, asked for money, and then started explaining how my friend should not be dressed the way she was, and that she needed sleeves! Then he again, asked for money.

My friend was rightfully pissed off, and she said to him "I work hard, and I pay for things, on my own. if YOU are getting married, *you* should have a job and work too, I will not give you any money, because you're younger and able-bodied and perfectly capable of getting a job. If you can't pay for your wedding, you shouldn't be getting married. and if you're poor, you just shouldn't be having a wedding, only a chupah."

The guy was annoyed and left.

Chutzpah! Talking about tznius, being a lazy leech, while expecting others to pick up the tab!

saving neshamos?

I was at shul on shabbos and actually stayed to listen to the speech - can’t figure out why Rabbi’s are allowed to speak! Priests/Reverands give sermons shouldn’t speeches be considered goyish now? - Anyway, the speech was about a whole bunch of things which only proved that Rabbi’s don’t understand what being an employee in corporate America is like… but I’m not going to get into that… What irritated me most, is what I’m here to write about… Kiruv (sorta).

During the speech the Rabbi was saying something about kiruv and how kiruv professionals “save” countless neshamos, but in the meantime their own kids are known to regularly go off the derech.

Now, I’d like to ask

1- What are these non-frum Jews being “saved” from by becoming frum?

*As Jews we don’t believe in hell in the way Christians do. We don’t believe in eternal damnation; nor do we believe in this huge red monster who will keep us in a huge hot fire cave

*As Jews we are taught to believe that Gd that is merciful and forgiving. When we pass away (@ 120) we’ll go through like a t'shuva process to cleanse ourselves for a few months and then we go to a good place.

*As Jews if we have any intellectual honesty, we know we’re *all* gonna end up in a form of gehenim anyway. Kosher or not… and even the worst man just ends up there for a little longer (except those who qualify for the “yimach shemom’ category)… so really, what are we saving them from? We’re not saving them from anything we’re not already *all* gonna be a part of.

*Religion is not for everyone. Some people can’t have their lives dictated by diets that are the “fad”. Nor can they live a life in which they have to worry about everything they serve in their house because someone else may not eat there. Some people just shouldn't be religious.

So really what are we saving them from other than their own ability to CHOOSE what they want, without it being bombarded down by BS crap?


2- If Kiruv-professional kids are known to be going off the derech, REGULARLY, why in the hell are we even DOING COMMERCIAL KIRUV?

- *Chessed* begins at home… so even if a frum persons neshama is somehow “safer” (still don’t know how) than a non-frum persons neshama, why are we risking the neshamos of those who are *already* frum? Isn’t there a thing that Gd only minimally punishes us if we’re unaware that we’re doing something wrong, whereas if we *know* we’re doing something wrong our punishment is that much worse? So why are we educating a public that doesn’t really know how much wrong they’re doing while allowing people who *know* perfectly well HOW MUCH WRONG they’re doing to still not do it? Why not just leave the non-frum Jews non-frum and allow the Frum Jews to REMAIN frum. If we allow that, there is minimul punishment amongst the Jews.

Pretty much, Rabbis go on and on and preach about how "chesed begins at home", they dont practice what they preach, and BAM, their own kids go OTD, and they validate it by claiming they "saved" neshamos!

YAY~!

Online Doctoral Programs

-I dont even know how this works, but I guess THANK YOU to whoever nominated me, or voted for me, or whatever it took :)-

YAY!
and congrats to all the other winner :)

Yeshiva Hypocrisy

The following is a guest post:

I don't usually like to complain or make waves, but a recent incident has made venting a necessity, as well as a need to let the public know of the admissions process of a very respected Yeshiva. Our son is supposed to go to Kindergarten in the fall, so we applied to several schools in October of 2009. One of the schools that we applied to was this respected yeshiva. We thought that we would have no problem in getting in as my husband is an alumnus and many of our friends' children go there. We were wrong. While we were contacted by and then accepted by several schools, this respected Yeshiva never bothered to reply to us. We didn't pay attention to this for awhile as we were considering other schools. However, in the end, we decided to focus on the respected yeshiva due to the high cost of tuition and after being made aware of certain incidents in the schools that we were accepted to, as well as the fact that we would have for a very expensive private bus for the first year. The respected yeshiva is the least expensive of the schools that we applied to and it is within a very easy walking distance from us. Due to the act that we never heard anything from them, we correctly assumed that we were rejected and asked our Rabbi to find out whether anything could be done for us to be admitted there. He tried and over the course of several months was told that there was simply no room. However, as I simply wasn't sure we were rejected in the first place, I finally called the Rabbi in charge of admissions and he explained the reason.:

He said that they first take all the children of their Kollel members and those with older siblings already in the school. I said that's fine, but then I pointed that after these children, we should have been one of the first to be contacted for an interview as my husband attended this school and that we applied as early as possible in October. His answer was that the list of alumni was sent to the board, who then decided who to interview based on their activity on behalf of the yeshiva and contributions to it. In other words, it didn't matter that my husband was an alumnus or that we were one of the first to apply, the reason that we were rejected is that we didn't give them enough money. Now, beside the fact that this should have nothing to do with admittance, we have contributed money to the yeshiva throughout the years and my mother in law contributes every year as well. Then to add insult to injury, this Rabbi said that there were no spaces already in January, when our Rabbi first started inquiring on our behalf. However, this is a lie as I know someone who was interviewed and accepted in January after someone spoke for them.

To say that I am angry about the entire incident is an understatement. It is time that everyone knew that these holier-than-thou types are complete hypocrites who claim and teach one thing, but really only care about money. Also, before anyone asks, we would have paid full tuition in this respected yeshiva, afterall the high tuition in the schools that we were accepted to combined with paying for an expensive private bus, would have required us to apply for scholarship which we didn't want to do.

It is also quite obvious that from now on we are not going to contribute another penny to this yeshiva."

SHIDDUCH book

My Sister Is In 12Th Grade. Finally, She Is Putting An End To The Main Source Of The Insanity In Her Life, And She’s Getting *Far* Away From Her Hs!! In The Meantime, While She’S Anticipating Her Last Day Of Classes, Her Idiot Principal (And Other Prinicipals As Well, As I Remember These Things Happening At My Hs) Is Checking Out EVERY Single Yearbook Picture The Girls Put In.

If the girl has her hair to long… it has to be photoshopped short.

If the girl has her hair in front, and not in the back, her hair has to be photoshopped out.

*this* is what the insanity of the frum world has come to. Yearbook pictures.

I for one, am eternally greatful I was not in my school yearbook (or rather SHIDDUCHbook)

Tfillin

True occurrence:

A super frummy, a friend and I were shmoozing when the conversation turned to Tfillin and how expensive it was.

Friend said looking at frummy "You know, a friend of mine just bought Tfillin for his Bar Mitzvah son and it cost $1200!"

Frummy said "that's nothing, My brother-in-law just paid $1800 for Tfillin for his son."

Friend and I were totally shocked, after all, we could understand a difference in $100-$200 for the tfillin, but $600 is huge... so I asked "What's so special about that Tfillin?"
She said "Well, its from a soifer with greater yiras shamayim"



Honestly, it took alot of strengh to keep from cracking up- not that friend and I were any nicer in our reaction- we both made funny looking faces which gave a clear explaination of our thoughts "WTH? HOw can you tell?"

Then, one of us (don't remember who first) said "what? How can you tell?" OUT LOUD and so frummy was like "Well, they... "

I couldn't fully understand what she said, but it was pretty obvious that the laymans terms version of it woulda been something like this "they have better handwriting"...

I was like "FOR REAL?!"

Why are people so frikkin stupid? I mean, I understand paying more money for BETTER QUALITY stuff, but lets face it, the writing will fade no matter who wrote up the tfillin. Eventually the Tfillin is going to need to be checked, so unless you fly the Tfillin back to Israel (where else would someone with greater Yiras Shamayim live?), it aint gonna be any different.

Then these bozo's complain about how expensive it is to be frum.

non-Jew coworker on Jewish men

One non-Jewish lady at my office said to me "You know, back in the former Soviet Union, all of us wanted to marry Jewish guys. They were known to be the best. They worked, they didn't drink and they didn't have girlfriends... And if they did, their wife and child always came first if anything major happened."

I thought that was an amazing thing she said, and then I responded "they don't really work so much anymore."
She was like "WHAT!?"
I said "yea, its not in style for them to work, they don't work, they sit in yeshiva and learn all day, and get married, and continue to sit in yeshiva and learn all day"

She said "they can do that, but no one will want to marry them!"
I said "yea, umm... its in style for girls to want a guy like that and for her dad to provide for them"

To which my coworker responded "They're not Jewish then. Jewish men are actually hardworking." (She would know, she married a Jew)

I thought to myself "its a sad world when the non-Jew recognizes the insanity of our current culture."

On wearing a Hat

The following qoute describes perfectly how I feel about hats:

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. P. J. O'Rourke

Haknosses Kallah and why I'm against Obamacare

By A guest post:

Chaknosot Kalah & why I am against ObamaCare

It must have started all innocently. A young couple wanted to get married, found an apartment, bought a couple of mattresses and borrowed a few pots and pans and dishes from friends and relatives. The wedding date was set and they were awaiting it anxiously. Their friends wanted to do something special for the newlyweds. They collected a few dollars here and there and bride and a groom had a cake, wine, sodas and challah.

At least that's how I see Chaknoset Kalah started out. Now in the name of every kalah (bride) deserves a beautiful wedding, various Chaknoset Kalah organizations throw huge weddings with food for the guests and gown for the bride. They buy for the newlyweds two twin beds with brand new linen and towels and pots and pans and dishes and even a washing machine. That's right, all one has to do is declare herself to be a poor bride and these organizations will not think twice about setting up their household. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's a private charity organization and if people want to donate their money to support two teens getting married without a job, education or any other conceivable way to support themselves besides living off the charity, it's their business. Who am I to judge them. Heck, when a poor friend got married we wrote a nice check to him, but at the same time when I get a phone call about Tova needing money because she is getting married and only wants to work part time as a kindergarten teacher's helper and her groom is not planning to work, ever if he can help it, I politely tell the caller that I do not support their cause. Yes, every bride deserves a perfect wedding, but I don't think it is necessary to provide a perfect wedding for every bride.

I do not believe in this charity and I don't support them. There are other charitable organizations that I do not support such as peta or global warming or various organizations that are of other religions'. No one is forcing me to donate to them and everyone is happy with the establishment.

Now we are talking about Obamacare. This is an all encompassing healthcare which takes my money to provide care to each and every American as they need it. Sounds fine, just like the original Chaknasot Kala organization, but then we have to look into what they are providing. They are saying that everyone deserves it. I remember about 20 years ago, government saw no problem with providing mattresses to patients on Medicaid as long as a doctor decided that the said patient needed one. (I'm not sure if this is still so today.) So, my hardworking money was stolen from me via taxation me to give brand new beds to poor people, while I had to scrape and save to get a new bed for myself. Had Medicaid been a charitable organization and I would have gotten a phone call from one of the organizations collecting money for new beds for poor people I would have been able to decided whether or not it's a worthwhile charity and donated or not according to that decision. But the government made that decision for me. Imagine if part of the ObamaCare was about Chaknasot Kalah. After all, every bride deserves a beautiful wedding, so why shouldn't it be part of our healthcare and let's make every hardworking American pay for that wedding.

Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretence of taking care of them.

-Thomas Jefferson

for real now...

A few individual frum Jews are trying to argue that the new law (Obamacare) should be seen as a good thing by us. Why?

Well they say that since Jews are charitable people (and that, we are) we should view this as a step towards the greater good... blah blah.

well, here goes...

1- I *chose* to be frum. and choose to abide by the rules everyday (why, I'm not always sure).
2- How much I give to charity, is my business... and my husbands business (afterall, we are a team)
3- no one actually knows how much maaser I give, or dont give... or who I give to, or what my principles are behind who I choose to give etc... UNLESS I TELL THEM.
4- THere is *no* way anyone will ever know how much i give, because
a) my income is confidential
b) even if for whatever reason my income became public knowledge (worked for the govt), who I gave charity to, and how much, would remain confidential, and therefore, *no* one would know who i give too, or how much I give etc...

5-
*IF* a Rabbi were to suggest a charity, i would *not* have to give to it if I chose not to.
*IF* I chose *not* to give to the suggested charity, the Rabbi wouldn't hunt me down, and Gd wouldn't strike me with lightening and kill me as a form of punishment. Contrary to psycho frummy popular belief "midda kneged midda" is not so simple... So if I weren't giving maaser, the likelihood of a major tragedy occurring that otherwise wouldnt occur is slim.

Now-
Health care passes, and the government decides to "help" people ( I'm not even getting into the fact that all gold the government touches turns to sand).

- I *have* to give charity
- I have *no* choice who to give to, because the government chooses for me
-The government also chooses the amount, because it *knows* my income. I cannot hide it, unless I cheat (work off the books).
- If I cheat, I get fined, and then probably imprisonment if I cheated a lot.
- If I dont give at all get prison.

So umm... democraps (yes, thats what you are), while the healthcare system may be failing. I (and the VAST majority of the public) dont particular care for this bill... even if some of us happen to be part of a charitable nation.

Get it?

If not, well then... lets talk money...
WE HAVE NO FRIKKIN MONEY! THE COUNTRY IS BANKRUPT!
this healthcare bill is as effective in saving people, as it is attempting to save a drowning person by pouring more water on their head.

stupid liberals

The liberals are running amok praising themselves for a "job-well done"...
they're comparing what they did for the country as similar to Medicare/Medicaid... proudly.

umm... DEMOCRAPS! Listen up ... THOSE SYSTEMS ARE FAILED. RUNNING OUT!!!!!!! UNFUNDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING FROM THE NEW DEAL IS FAILING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE ALLOWED TO VOTE, NVM BE IN POWER?!

http://www.wpix.com/news/wpix-orthodox-rabbi-charged,0,7403437.story

Just another point to prove the antisemitism! This Rabbi is innocent! Only Hitler Lovers would convict him [note sarcasm]!

Parking Tickets, anti semitic?

I was browsing vosisneias.com, when I found the following article: Brooklyn, NY - Council Candidates Fire Off Letter To NYC Officials To Stop Ticket Blitz Erev Shabbos.

The article said that:

New York City Council Candidates in the 44th District Joe Lazar, And David Greenfiled have fired off a letter to NYC officials, asking them to halt the mass parking ticket blitz that has been targeted unfairly in the Brooklyn Orthodox community Erev Shabbos.

The Parking meters throughout Boro Park and Brooklyn areas are in effect until 7pm on Friday, even though in the winter months, Shabbos goes into effect as early as 4pm. Once the 25 hour Shabbos goes into effect, observant drivers are prohibited by Jewish Law from feeding the meter. Even if they feed the meter at 5pm (the approximate current start of Shabbos), they are only allowed to pay for one hour, resulting in parking tickets that they are unable to prevent.

I’m curious how meters “unfairly” target the Brooklyn Orthodox Community? I don’t live in a super frummy neighborhood, and I see parking patrol cops *all* over the place, giving tickets to people who do *not* feed their meters… they’re *not* necessarily Jewish.

I also fail to see how the time that shabbos begins is a factor in parking regulation? My husband *knows* shabbos starts early, and therefore *doesn’t* park by a meter on a Friday, knowing full well he’ll be unable to feed it. So no matter what time shabbos starts, a meter still needs to be fed, and a FRUM person *knows* that, because it’s the LAW!

If anyone comes on the comments defending this wacko letter, claiming that cops target orthodox Jews in general when it comes to ticketing, I’ll just laugh. Think about the last time you drove on ave J or in Boro Park and you didn’t think you were going to die in a crash? SUPER FRUMMIES CAN’T DRIVE!!!!! They TRIPPLE PARK IN BORO PARK, and the U-TURN ON 13th ave!!!

THEY DESERVE THE TICKETS!!!!! Its *not* anti-Semitism!

buy it yourself

“However, this does not mean that you should not buy your future daughter in law a ring that is possibly more than you would have wanted to spend. I don't mean exorbitantly, maybe another $1000.”

That quote is one I found in the comments of one of Orthonomics post about dependency of today’s couples on their parents…

I personally got completely agitated by that comment right there.

I understand a MIL, a sister, or a SIL asking to accompany a guy when he goes to purchase his girlfriend (dating partner) her ring, but for someone other than the chosson to pay for it? Seriously? Didn’t the guy ever work?

No, I forgot… guys these days are so holy that they don’t need to work!

I’m not on the madraga to constantly know that “Hashem provides” (by making parents/inlaws sick from overwork, and lack of retirement funds)

Seriously? Wtf?

Cursed

A friend of mine emailed me the other day, clearly hysterical (we communicate via email *all* the time, so I can tell by the "tone") to say that a Rabbi (also happens to be the shadchan who made her shidduch) cursed her marraige.

That's right. The Rabbi CURSED her marriage.

At first I started cracking up hysterically, because, why the hell would a Rabbi curse a marraige, and even if he did, who really cares? Any man with the ability to give a "real" curse (if there even is one), wouldn't be an a$$ enough to actually do it.

Anyway, I asked her "so, whats this about?"

Here goes:
A few months before she and her chatan met, her chatan knew the Rabbi/shadchan very well and agreed to help him out with something. He (the chatan) spent hours researching information, free of charge. After a few months the Rabbi/Shadchan got what he needed, and said to chatan "thank you soooo very much, you're such a nice boy, I will now make it a big deal to find you a nice girl to marry"

A month or so later, my friend (Kallah) walked into the Rabbi's life, by joining a group he had, where he gave speeches and led discussions. He got to know my friend, and he realized that she would make a good match with the guy who helped him. He set them up... 2 months later, they're engaged!

During the engagment period, the chatan walked into the Rabbi/Shadchan's office, and handed him a shadchan gift of $500... Rabbi through the envelope back in chatan's face, and said "I charge $2000 from the grooms side and $1000 from the brides, what you gave me is pathetic. He who doesn't pay his shadchan is he who has a cursed marraige"

and so... my friend was totally flipping out, becuase seh was totally superstitious, and generally, as a soon-to-be married person, that's something completely unpleasant to hear.

I told my friend "the rabbi is an a$$, ignore him. He's a Rabbi not a magician"

And so...she see's a curse in everything now. The apt is roach infested, people keep declining the wedding and that up's the price per plate (yes, I know, she shouldn't have guaranteed so many people), and so many other things...

I can't help but think that this guy is such an a$$ to go and curse the couple. Even if he were upfront about the fee's (which he wasn't), and even if the chatan never helped him with anything, one has to be an a$$ of a Rabbi to throw money back at the couple and CURSE them as well...

Dumb Gemach

I was looking through the Jewish Press Classifieds when I got up to the part about "Gemachs". Most of them are decent, but one was just laugh out-loud funny. Here goes:

Beautiful business-size cards with Kiruv websites on them, are available for free (o to give to not-yet Frum people).

Can anyone explain to me why frummies think their religion is so cheap that a few fluffed up websites (on a "beautiful" business card) is enough to turn someone frum?
Heck, why do frummies think EVERYONE is cut out for the frum lifestyle?

what the ad should say

If anyone is ever bored, I highly recommend reading the classified's of the Torah Times... its ridiculously humurous (specifically the lost & found). But I'm not going into that...

I'm gonna make fun of the ads... I call it the
"What the ad's SHOULD say..." and then write the actual ad- as is- in the Times.

Should say:

Tzedaka

Emergency Campaign. Two-incapable "adults" getting married, with no job and lack of any practical job-related skills, as well as the lack of any life-skills. Please buy a raffle ticket for two to Florida.

What ad says:

Emergency Campaign. Hachnases Kallah Raffle, Ticket for 2 to Florida 1-for $5- 3 for $12- 5 for $18- Please mail to...

Should say:

Shadchan

Shidduch Organization looking to set your adult-child up. Please send us their height and weight, so we can update our database and begin to set people up!

What ad says:

Zivug4u Shidduch Organization is now updating our Data Base send email to request form.