My super-frummy friend, my sister, my like a sister friend (long story) and my mom were having a very interesting discussion, mostly for amusement purposes, on whether or not frum people today are messed up. We went into a whole long discussion on how if we're supposed to do everything based on minhaggim then we shouldn't be washing our strawberries with soap and water (grandma's had their soap made out of lard, not exactly the "kosher" substitute for bugs, now is it?), and checking lettuce through x-ray lights, and the fact that I'm pretty sure most of my great-grandparents did not wear hats and such. I also said that if we really wanted to be frummie based on minhaggim we should all be dressed in robes and turbans.
Somehow from that conversation we ended up discussing Moshe and Rambam and Sephardi Jews, and whether or not it makes sense when Sephardim wear black hats (I for one think its annoying, it makes me lose all respect for them, in Europe goyim wore hats, in Morocco and other such sephardi oriented countries they did not, so why should they wear them here?). So, a rebbetzin (not of the shul B"H), overheard part of the convo and commented to my mom "wow, girls having such deep conversations, girls are supposed to talk about hair, nails and boys"
Firstly, I don't think our conversation was that deep, considering most of it was done for amusement purposes; and secondly, WTF?
Really now, I pride myself on the fact that I don't only talk about hair, nails and boys. And my freind and sister do as well. My mom taught us to think. My sister-like -friend also prides herself on the fact that she thinks.
Before I get to the point of this blog, I will admit that yes we are girls, and we tend to discuss hair, nails and boys -and shopping-, but only cause we are girls, and somehow we have a license to do so.
So anyway, this rebbetzin is one of those women who cares more about shopping, her clothes, her nails and her sheitle more than she cares about her own kids. Really now, she is ok with the fact her kid cannot speak any language but Spanish (the language the nanny speaks)! So, for her to say something like that somehow implied she was more feminine than us, or more normal, I'm not really sure what she was implying but the fact that we shouldn't be having deep conversations, because thats not girly.
So my sister-like-friend (who despises her) was like "yes, that's because women who only think about hair, nails and boys are the ones that really are insecure about themselves so they have to focus on such stuff"
So the reb (not even realizing she was being personally attacked), was like "but I know so many women who only talk about that and they're really happy"
SO my sister-like-friend continued: "they're not happy, they're ignorant. They don't know why they're happy, they're told they're happy. Normal smart girls do not talk about hair and nails, they aren't that ignorant, they have more important things going on in their lives."
The reb was so dissed. I was trying so hard not to laugh. When we told my father the story, he was like "you shoulda said that women like that marry ignorant men as well" ('cause her husband is as much a reliable rabbi as I'm a 6'2 black man). hehe
was some fun stuff. :)
But anyway, this is the second time I was told that I should be talking about shallow things. My super frummy friend and I were infact together the first time I was told as well. I have no patience. I like to shop, and I like new clothes, and I like looking good. But there's only so much to talk about.
Like, yea, "the new skirt is brown and the new top is tan...OMG! it was on sale too!!!!"
Umm...am I the only female outside of my immediate group of friends that doesn't see this as an adequate convo?
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Don't beleive in free will? Cheater!
This article Behavior: An Absence of Free Will, a Tendency to Cheat was emailed to me by my Metaphysics professor. Two studies were done that suggest that those who doubt free will are more likely to cheat. The article is really short.
The first study seems completely annoying, and I'm not sure I would've cheated. But the second study promised $1/right answer. If I were promised $1/right answer I think I woulda cheated as well.
This was a study, not a regent. If I were to get caught all my regents would be disqualified. But then again, I would feel guilty about lying during a study.
The first study seems completely annoying, and I'm not sure I would've cheated. But the second study promised $1/right answer. If I were promised $1/right answer I think I woulda cheated as well.
This was a study, not a regent. If I were to get caught all my regents would be disqualified. But then again, I would feel guilty about lying during a study.
Bikinis on the Beach
When I was about nine-years-old (pre-frum years) I remember asking my mother if I'd be allowed to wear a bikini to the beach when I became a teenager. I thought that wearing a two-peice bathing suit was like the greatest thing in the world, and I guess I thought it was a privilege or something or else I cannot understand why I asked my mom. Anyway, I will never forgot how my mom answered me, I didn't understand what she said at the time she said it, but I did remember it, and to this day I think it was one of the greatest things she ever said.
She responded "You can, but I don't understand why you'd want to."
I remember asking her "Why wouldn't I want too" and to that she said:
"You'll see when you're older."
I remember thinking "wow, thats so cool" and not really understanding what she meant. I thought she was a complete nut...like really, why WOULDN'T I wanna wear a bikini like the girls in Saved by the Bell or California Dreams did?
Sure enough, when I got older, I realized that I didn't want to walk around the beach in a bikini (and I had about 1.5 years as a teenager before I was frum in more ways than just keeping kosher and mildly keeping shabbos).
A few months ago at work, my coworker (22 yr old- dating 38 year old guy) was telling me about the parties she goes to with her boyfriend. She was telling me how theres drinking and drugs. And because its a Russian party, the guys are really drunk and all smoking (if not drugs, then definitly cigarrettes). She said that the parties tend to be fun in the beginning, because of the dancing, and if she watches her boyfriend she can have him leave before he gets himself in a really bad state. Anyway, she was like "you should come once." I was like "I don't think its really my thing" and she was like "Oh right, you probably wouldn't be allowed to go anyway."
I told her "I don't think I wouldn't be allowed to go, I don't think my parents would prevent me from going, its just that why would I want to go?"
She was like "yea, I wish I had a good relationship with my parents."
And truthfully, I really am thankful to my parents for raising me like this. I don't feel jailed when my friends go out Friday nights. I don't feel like a psycho religious idiot when I'm not wearing a bikini on the beach, nor do I feel jailed that I cannot experience a party with drugs and alcohol like my coworker so often does. And I do not feel jailed simply because I was taught to RATIONALLY make my decisions as opposed to just being told what to do.
This whole thing reminds me of a really bad date I was on. The guy asked me "What would you do if your kids came home and said they didn't want to be frum anymore" -at this point I already hated him- so I was like "I don't know, cry?"
He was like "well its good you said cry, but do you want to know what I think?"
So I was like "alright , tell me" (in my head I was like 'Enlighten me oh wise one!" and rolled my eyes)
And he responded "I would prevent it from ever happening. My kids would not come home and tell me they don't want to be frum."
I was like "Ok, so how would you do that?" And he went on blabbing about some nonsense. I hated him, and I had no patience arguing. I mean, Moshe Rebbienu's kids were basically "off the derech" you really think some idiot in "Flatbush" would have a sure way to keep his kids ON the derech?
If anything his kids would probably be at the highest risk - but what the hell...what do I know?
There are a few other stories like this, but I cannot really remember them. But my point in telling them, was that the frum community is full of crap. Fortunately, there is a bright side, and that is that all communities have their share of crap. The problem is, is that the frum community points out flaws in secular communities and says "look, you see, they're full of crap, thats why you should be frum" Or "hey look at that tramp, she wears a bikini on the beach and 5 guys dumped her after she naively thought they wanted more than just a one-night stand"
My parents raised me to see the crap in my own community, and to think "really, what about the crap going on here?" or "yea, but I know about 3 girls that wear bikini's and are in monogomous relationships" and judge bikini wearing by the statement it makes about MYSELF not about the trampy girl.
She responded "You can, but I don't understand why you'd want to."
I remember asking her "Why wouldn't I want too" and to that she said:
"You'll see when you're older."
I remember thinking "wow, thats so cool" and not really understanding what she meant. I thought she was a complete nut...like really, why WOULDN'T I wanna wear a bikini like the girls in Saved by the Bell or California Dreams did?
Sure enough, when I got older, I realized that I didn't want to walk around the beach in a bikini (and I had about 1.5 years as a teenager before I was frum in more ways than just keeping kosher and mildly keeping shabbos).
A few months ago at work, my coworker (22 yr old- dating 38 year old guy) was telling me about the parties she goes to with her boyfriend. She was telling me how theres drinking and drugs. And because its a Russian party, the guys are really drunk and all smoking (if not drugs, then definitly cigarrettes). She said that the parties tend to be fun in the beginning, because of the dancing, and if she watches her boyfriend she can have him leave before he gets himself in a really bad state. Anyway, she was like "you should come once." I was like "I don't think its really my thing" and she was like "Oh right, you probably wouldn't be allowed to go anyway."
I told her "I don't think I wouldn't be allowed to go, I don't think my parents would prevent me from going, its just that why would I want to go?"
She was like "yea, I wish I had a good relationship with my parents."
And truthfully, I really am thankful to my parents for raising me like this. I don't feel jailed when my friends go out Friday nights. I don't feel like a psycho religious idiot when I'm not wearing a bikini on the beach, nor do I feel jailed that I cannot experience a party with drugs and alcohol like my coworker so often does. And I do not feel jailed simply because I was taught to RATIONALLY make my decisions as opposed to just being told what to do.
This whole thing reminds me of a really bad date I was on. The guy asked me "What would you do if your kids came home and said they didn't want to be frum anymore" -at this point I already hated him- so I was like "I don't know, cry?"
He was like "well its good you said cry, but do you want to know what I think?"
So I was like "alright , tell me" (in my head I was like 'Enlighten me oh wise one!" and rolled my eyes)
And he responded "I would prevent it from ever happening. My kids would not come home and tell me they don't want to be frum."
I was like "Ok, so how would you do that?" And he went on blabbing about some nonsense. I hated him, and I had no patience arguing. I mean, Moshe Rebbienu's kids were basically "off the derech" you really think some idiot in "Flatbush" would have a sure way to keep his kids ON the derech?
If anything his kids would probably be at the highest risk - but what the hell...what do I know?
There are a few other stories like this, but I cannot really remember them. But my point in telling them, was that the frum community is full of crap. Fortunately, there is a bright side, and that is that all communities have their share of crap. The problem is, is that the frum community points out flaws in secular communities and says "look, you see, they're full of crap, thats why you should be frum" Or "hey look at that tramp, she wears a bikini on the beach and 5 guys dumped her after she naively thought they wanted more than just a one-night stand"
My parents raised me to see the crap in my own community, and to think "really, what about the crap going on here?" or "yea, but I know about 3 girls that wear bikini's and are in monogomous relationships" and judge bikini wearing by the statement it makes about MYSELF not about the trampy girl.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Mmm...Drain Food!!
At shuir my Rabbi was explaining how to clean the chometz from shabbos for pesach. He said that one option is to throw the leftover crumbs of bread down the drain (as complicated as that may be for some homes, it may be the best or only option for others). The funny part was that he went onto explain that the drain is chometz, but to ensure kosher usage of it on pesach, one should pour a bit of bleach or ammonia product down the drain (NOT together!!!). He said that we pour the chemical down in order to ensure that no one would eat what is in the drain.
With this my mom and I started cracking up. We went home, told my sister, and she started cracking up. I mean, really now, does anyone really have the desire to eat food from the drain? Do the water bugs add a zest you can't seem to find in your spice cabinet? I mean, really...it never even occured to me to clean the drains. I always learned that kosher l'pesach applied to foods that were edible, and things that could touch the foods... such as soap/dishwashing liquid, cleaners that are to be used ON pesach should not contain starches from kitniyot. I never thought that something so ridiculously disgusting as drain food would even be considered. Really...drain food?
Anyone wanna come over for heart healthy drain food?
With this my mom and I started cracking up. We went home, told my sister, and she started cracking up. I mean, really now, does anyone really have the desire to eat food from the drain? Do the water bugs add a zest you can't seem to find in your spice cabinet? I mean, really...it never even occured to me to clean the drains. I always learned that kosher l'pesach applied to foods that were edible, and things that could touch the foods... such as soap/dishwashing liquid, cleaners that are to be used ON pesach should not contain starches from kitniyot. I never thought that something so ridiculously disgusting as drain food would even be considered. Really...drain food?
Anyone wanna come over for heart healthy drain food?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Typical
The other day I was at a friends wedding. Many girls I haven't seen from HS were there, and they did the typical "OMG, I haven't seen you in the longest time! What are you doing with your life?"
When the question is addressed to me I always answer "I'm in college and I work."
Then they ask "Really, OMG, thats soooooo nice, what's your major, what do you work as, where?"
And so I answer "I'm majoring in Philosophy and Law and I work for rent managment."
Most of the time I pretend to care about what they're doing and I say something like "So, what are you doing?"
And, I always know what to expect, either a) education b) some sort of therapy c) accounting or d) psychology - social work.
It has always bothered me how completely uniform the yeshiva system makes this girl out to be. These girls cannot, and do not know how to think for themselves. Yes, there are a few girls that would actually really love education or social work, or being therapists or accountants but I'm pretty sure I'm safe in saying that a majority go into these fields because they're the "in" thing to do.
Its one thing to straighten your hair because its a trend (doesn't lead to any long term damage), but to go and allow a "trend" to decide your future seems absolutely ludicrous to me. Its ridiculous that when I go to a wedding I hear these girls who are all in either Touro or Brooklyn literally going for the same things.
I almost always have someone tell me "wow, you have a unique major" though I am in a sort of predicament because I do not know what I'm going to do with my major, I feel a sense of pride that I am unique. I feel special that I'm not "typical." Because, not only is my major unique, but so is the job I currently have. No girl I know has anything to do with real-estate. Most have jobs as "assistant Morahs" and over the summer they work at a camp, where they're lucky if they don't have to pay to work!!
The yeshivish system is ridiculous. Everything is "typical." I'm sick of typical. I'm so sick of everyone being the same. The few people I keep in touch with from my public school days are all going for something different. Sure there's a speech therapist and accountant, but EVERY person is doing something else. Something I cannot say for my frummy friends. Throughout history Jews have been persecuted and not given the liberty to work at whatever job they wanted. They had no choices but to remain in business and usury (something the goyim absolutely hated us for). But now that we have all the choices that we can ever need, we're remaining with the same mentality we had when we didn't have them.
Shame on us for remaining "typical" and not using our yiddishe kop for creative purposes.
Shame on us for being proud that we're "typical"
Shame on us for conforming too much...there's only so much conformity necessary in a society, and it usually doesn't exceed speaking the common language and wearing clothes (general, as in not walking around naked. I didn't mean one has to wear the 'trendy' ugly masculine looking suit on shabbos)
When the question is addressed to me I always answer "I'm in college and I work."
Then they ask "Really, OMG, thats soooooo nice, what's your major, what do you work as, where?"
And so I answer "I'm majoring in Philosophy and Law and I work for rent managment."
Most of the time I pretend to care about what they're doing and I say something like "So, what are you doing?"
And, I always know what to expect, either a) education b) some sort of therapy c) accounting or d) psychology - social work.
It has always bothered me how completely uniform the yeshiva system makes this girl out to be. These girls cannot, and do not know how to think for themselves. Yes, there are a few girls that would actually really love education or social work, or being therapists or accountants but I'm pretty sure I'm safe in saying that a majority go into these fields because they're the "in" thing to do.
Its one thing to straighten your hair because its a trend (doesn't lead to any long term damage), but to go and allow a "trend" to decide your future seems absolutely ludicrous to me. Its ridiculous that when I go to a wedding I hear these girls who are all in either Touro or Brooklyn literally going for the same things.
I almost always have someone tell me "wow, you have a unique major" though I am in a sort of predicament because I do not know what I'm going to do with my major, I feel a sense of pride that I am unique. I feel special that I'm not "typical." Because, not only is my major unique, but so is the job I currently have. No girl I know has anything to do with real-estate. Most have jobs as "assistant Morahs" and over the summer they work at a camp, where they're lucky if they don't have to pay to work!!
The yeshivish system is ridiculous. Everything is "typical." I'm sick of typical. I'm so sick of everyone being the same. The few people I keep in touch with from my public school days are all going for something different. Sure there's a speech therapist and accountant, but EVERY person is doing something else. Something I cannot say for my frummy friends. Throughout history Jews have been persecuted and not given the liberty to work at whatever job they wanted. They had no choices but to remain in business and usury (something the goyim absolutely hated us for). But now that we have all the choices that we can ever need, we're remaining with the same mentality we had when we didn't have them.
Shame on us for remaining "typical" and not using our yiddishe kop for creative purposes.
Shame on us for being proud that we're "typical"
Shame on us for conforming too much...there's only so much conformity necessary in a society, and it usually doesn't exceed speaking the common language and wearing clothes (general, as in not walking around naked. I didn't mean one has to wear the 'trendy' ugly masculine looking suit on shabbos)
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Boro Park
Over shabbos a guy at shul (who I trust) told my mom two stories. One that happened to him and another that happened to someone else at our shul (who I also trust).
For the first story, keep in mind that the guy is extremely "modern". He IS frum but he doesn't wear a kippa except for shabbos, and he wears jeans and whatever else qualifies as "modern." He decided to go to Boro Park. He went into one store, and the salesman- really frum, typical "Boro Park" type- came over to him and asked him :
"are you from the neighborhood?"
The guy from shul replied "No, I'm from Sheepshead Bay"
The salesman said: "I think you should look for kitchens in Lowe's or Home Depot, the kitchens here are more high-end"
Guy from shul: "Do you know whats in my pocket?" And he left, came back a few hours later and spoke to the store manager and was like "How could he say stuff like that, imagine if I were a goy?"
--
Story 2 (as was told to me by the guy from story 1):
Lady from my shul went to a store in Boro Park with her cousin and another lady to buy furniture. One of them was wearing a short skirt (I guess that means just covered the knee), and two were wearing long skirts. They walked in, asked where the furniture was, and they were told "third floor." They went to the third floor, the place was dark- most of the lights were not on. They shopped around for a while and they realized the lights went on. In came a sales lady with a few customers. One of the customers saw the lady from shul and her cousin standing and waiting, and she said to the sales lady "shouldn't you be helping them, they were here first?" The saleslady replied in yiddish "They're goyim they can wait."
Lady from my shul understands fluent yiddish. She came over and said in yiddish "This furniture costs $12,000, my cousin has $12,000 cash, she was going to buy the furniture without haggling, now, not only will she not buy the furniture, but she'll never buy anything in this store again."
--
Wow I hate Boro Park, but for a bunch of other reasons, these are just stories that remind me on why.
For the first story, keep in mind that the guy is extremely "modern". He IS frum but he doesn't wear a kippa except for shabbos, and he wears jeans and whatever else qualifies as "modern." He decided to go to Boro Park. He went into one store, and the salesman- really frum, typical "Boro Park" type- came over to him and asked him :
"are you from the neighborhood?"
The guy from shul replied "No, I'm from Sheepshead Bay"
The salesman said: "I think you should look for kitchens in Lowe's or Home Depot, the kitchens here are more high-end"
Guy from shul: "Do you know whats in my pocket?" And he left, came back a few hours later and spoke to the store manager and was like "How could he say stuff like that, imagine if I were a goy?"
--
Story 2 (as was told to me by the guy from story 1):
Lady from my shul went to a store in Boro Park with her cousin and another lady to buy furniture. One of them was wearing a short skirt (I guess that means just covered the knee), and two were wearing long skirts. They walked in, asked where the furniture was, and they were told "third floor." They went to the third floor, the place was dark- most of the lights were not on. They shopped around for a while and they realized the lights went on. In came a sales lady with a few customers. One of the customers saw the lady from shul and her cousin standing and waiting, and she said to the sales lady "shouldn't you be helping them, they were here first?" The saleslady replied in yiddish "They're goyim they can wait."
Lady from my shul understands fluent yiddish. She came over and said in yiddish "This furniture costs $12,000, my cousin has $12,000 cash, she was going to buy the furniture without haggling, now, not only will she not buy the furniture, but she'll never buy anything in this store again."
--
Wow I hate Boro Park, but for a bunch of other reasons, these are just stories that remind me on why.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Racism
My sister was just reading an essay she wrote on racism out loud, and it reminded me of a story that happened a few weeks ago in class.
I take Social Philosophy, which is like Political Philosophy, but instead of just a bunch of theories, it shows how it effects the social life of each type of political theory (or something like that). My professor was discussing Mills, who is a black-guy that wrote papers about how racism is actually part of the foundation of the American System. We then went on to discuss how his theory may just be accurate by using the CERD (Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination) report against the findings of racism in NYC public schools (sorry, cannot find the link for that). The findings seemed to prove Mills' theory right. The professor also brought out statistics on how Blacks and Hispanics do not get as much out of a college education as white people do.
One Polish kid in my class (had the whole blond/blue eye thing going for him) raised his hand and was like "yea, but thats not because of the system, the black and hispanics tend to major in subjects such as 'African-American' studies or "Racism" or "Latin American Studies" as opposed to majors that are practical."
I happened to agree with him. Because that is the truth. But I wasn't stupid enough to raise my hand and say that to the professor. The Hispanic girl in my class was so ticked off. I was rather amused.
I take Social Philosophy, which is like Political Philosophy, but instead of just a bunch of theories, it shows how it effects the social life of each type of political theory (or something like that). My professor was discussing Mills, who is a black-guy that wrote papers about how racism is actually part of the foundation of the American System. We then went on to discuss how his theory may just be accurate by using the CERD (Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination) report against the findings of racism in NYC public schools (sorry, cannot find the link for that). The findings seemed to prove Mills' theory right. The professor also brought out statistics on how Blacks and Hispanics do not get as much out of a college education as white people do.
One Polish kid in my class (had the whole blond/blue eye thing going for him) raised his hand and was like "yea, but thats not because of the system, the black and hispanics tend to major in subjects such as 'African-American' studies or "Racism" or "Latin American Studies" as opposed to majors that are practical."
I happened to agree with him. Because that is the truth. But I wasn't stupid enough to raise my hand and say that to the professor. The Hispanic girl in my class was so ticked off. I was rather amused.
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