Why I dont give to Hachnosses Kallah

I received an email the other day from an engaged person. I know she isn’t the wealthiest person, but between her and her fiance’s parents they’re managing to pay for quite an expensive wedding. I was happy for her that she was marrying someone who had a little bit more money to help out. Like for example, her fiance lives a luxury building (not the type where the word luxury is used loosely).

One might think that between his and her savings and wedding present money all should be well. Right? Well apparently not. Because she still felt that she needed some financial help, so she went and had her teacher from HS fill out a form for her to receive 2 sets of dishes, 2 sets of pots/pans, 2 sets of flatwear, sheets, towels and a huge amount of coupons to help pay for furniture (honestly I don’t consider coupons a big deal, but I’m just mentioning what she’s getting), a food processor, and other small random things that should, atleast in my opinion *not* be given out for free if the kallah is having an *expensive* wedding.

Now… Someone told me that I may not know the full situation so I shouldn’t judge and get all ticked off. But I thought about that, and here is what I *do* know
- She has over $10,000 in savings
- He has over $10,000 in savings
- While $20,000 doesn’t get a newly wed couple to far (btwn appliances, furniture, *rent* (in the NYC area will not hold that amount for long), bills etc). its still quite a number especially since one is working and the other is looking for a job (oh… and wedding money soon to come…)
- The wedding is *not* being paid for by a hachnosses kallah org, and since I've been to the hall she’s being married in (when I was looking for my own wedding) I *know* the place is *not* exactly cheap, because I know the cost per plate… Like I said, I know she’s not the richest person etc… I understand that some people need help starting a marriage… but she is having an EXPENSIVE wedding. If she’s dumb enough to either spend all the money on the wedding or go into debt over the wedding, she shouldn’t be qualified for the free stuff. Infact, Since she has enough money in savings and soon in wedding money to definitely get by for a about a year, there should be no reason she’s getting help *now* anyway… SPECIFICALLY because she’s having an expensive wedding. I don’t get this… why do Jews think its their RIGHT to irresponsibly spend money and still qualify for “help”?!

He's gonna *make* you

This one guy at shul keeps on bothering my father. He keeps telling him that my fiance only says he won't make me cover my hair, but a few months into marriage, he'll make me!

I also have this friend, who is currently seeing a guy, who is slightly (literally, slightly) more religious than she is. Her family is freaking out (they don't like him because she's sephardi/he's ashkanazie), so they keep telling her that he'll *make* her cover her hair; he's only saying now that he doesn't care, because he just wants to get married [if he's that desperate, he needs a shrink, not a wife with a sheital].
***

Normally, I ignore people who are stupid, but in this case, since my friend is being bombarded with the same retardedness as my father is, I'm going to just write a ranting post about it.

Firstly (and I said this to my friend when she was complaining to me), I'd like to know how any man- even woman for that matter- could *make* someone cover their hair? Is there a crazy glue gemach that works with the sheital gemach... together with the consent of the husband, they raid the house in the middle of the night and crazy glue a sheital onto a woman's head?

Secondly, I don't know what goes on on shidduch dates, but my fiance and I (and my friend and the guy she's seeing) DISCUSSED hair covering. If he lied to me about where he stands on this issue to the extent that he'll *make* me cover my hair a few months into the marriage, what else is he lying about? I'll have bigger issues to worry about than whether or not my head is covered with a shmata or a bit of 3rd world hair!

Thirdly...well...I don't have a thirdly.. People are just stupid.
Does anyone know how someone can *make* a woman cover her hair?

My uncle's wedding

So my uncle got married on Sunday... to a shiksa.

We didn't go to the wedding. It was in a church. My uncle asked us to please at least go to the reception, but really... what's a reception if you don't participate in the ceremony?

And so... we didn't go to the wedding. We didn't even really feel as if we missed much, after all, when we went to the fiance's shower we felt totally out of place.

I was browsing facebook earlier today. Lo and behold my uncle was tagged in a few of the photos in an album dedicated completely to his wedding. I went and looked through the photos.

1- the "church" wedding, was literally something that would've made me vomit had I been unaware and attended the ceremony. The "chupah" was held in the front of the church (that would be the alter?) right UNDER a *huge* cross, with, you guessed it, a Jesus hanging from it.

2- My uncle was standing there in a frikkin KIPPA!!
I mean really... REALLY!?! I'm all for open minded and all that nonsense, but even a reform person can't JUSTIFY standing under an IDOL performing a traditional ceremony with a man there in a KIPPA!

But NOOOOO... The "rabbi" was a dumba$$ who said that a Jew being in a church was ok as long as he was wearing a kippa.

3- The people at that wedding made me REALLLLLLLY happy I'm not very close with my new aunt's side. The way they dressed is not just immodest (which doesn't bother me much), but was literally indecent. IT was like beach dresses. I've been to nice non-religious weddings, where the girls wore nice chiffon teeny dresses or taffeta or silk. but at least the material was classy. At this wedding, it's like they threw s/t on that was in the dress category, and felt it was appropriate. They looked as if they were at the wedding in a beach cover-up outfit.

4- At her shower I met a reaaaaaallllllly distant relative. A relative that not only had I never met, but my mother had never met either. Anyway, my grandma has always been telling us that this relative (let's call her Devora) was frum. We knew exactly how "frum" she was when we were told she had THREE sets of dishes... 2 for kashrus purposes (1 meat, 1 dairy), and one for when she feels like eating traif.

At this shower my family was given kosher food, while Devora said she'll eat "dairy" at the place. Fine, no problem. Not everyone cares and I certainly don't. She just really bothered me because she kept talking about her own stupid family as if people she had just met really care that much!
Oh... and then of course, this same "frum" relative was found in the very SAME facebook photo album. Standing there in the VERY same picture in the church with the chupah under the idol was this "FRUM" relative!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know ... eat what you want, dress how you want. But don't frikkin pretend to be frum and not even be remotely bothered by the fact that not only was he marrying a shiksa (one can claim to be open minded), but he was performing a pretty holy ceremony in front of an IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't fathom what a frikkin idiot this woman is. I'm trying to figure out who bothers me more in all this, Devora for attending the ceremony or the "rabbi" for approving it.

Humor wedding related stuff

I'm very much in wedding mode lately. Everything in my life right now revolves around weddings; Between gown fittings, apartment viewings and hair consultations, I feel as if I've had a career change and become an event planner of some sort. The fact that my best friend just recently got married (mazel tov to her :)) didn't "help" the situation. All-in-all, the experience is good, just ridiculously hectic. Since everything in life- including wedding planning- involves dealing with people, much humor has come from my adventures (especially recently), that I'd like to share.

THe first story takes place after my best friends shabbos kallah:

My best friends shabbos kallah came to an end. Since she could not see her chosson (and because she happens to be nice), she drove me and another girl (mutual friend) home. The other girl was in the car and innocently asked me "Does it bother you that you got engaged first, yet you're getting married after her?"

My best friend was like "we're so not like that, its not a competition."
I said "yea, its not a competition, just because my fiance and I decided it were better to have a longer engagement, doesn't mean I want everyone around me to put their lives on hold."

I can't help but laugh at this, mostly becuase it's a pathetic question, and a pathetic outlook in life. When one gets engaged, its not about getting to the chupah first, its about the marraige itself. If someone gets married first, second, third or fourth, that doesn't mean their marriage will be better or worse. Yet, its quite common for frummies to focus on getting married ASAP so as not to turn into an "old maid" at the ripe "old" age of 21 (or is it 22 now?).

The second story took place at a sheva brachos:

A girl went over to the Rabbi and asked the following question "Is it true that if a kallah steps on someones foot during the dancing at a wedding, she's the next to get married?"

Due to the tone, I'm almost positive the question was not actually serious. But the response was so funny.

The Rabbi responded kinda confused "I've never heard of that, but don't go around spreading it, or else all the single girls will ask to be stomped on!"

How pathetically true is that? LOL. I was trying so hard not to laugh. :)

---
It's after 2 am, and so I cannot recall all the stories I meant to share. Maybe I"ll repost. :)

Text Message

I received a text today which read:

Emergency. Please say tehillim for dov Yisroel mordechai ben chaya sara he is in trial now to get sentence to a terrible prison! Thank u"

I responded and asked "who is he and what was his crime"

She responded "I have no idea."

To which I said "and how do you know he isn't guilty and deserve it?" (and I gave her an example of the frummies arrested a few weeks ago)

And she goes "I feel bad for those people and I will pray for them. They tried to do good but it turned out bad. I'm not judging"

!??!?!

"they tried to do good but it turned out bad?"...

Since when was that in the story? I haven't heard anyone say the intentions were good.
I heard the Rabbi's were lied too. But not "tried to do good"

I don't fathom what it is about defending wrongdoers.

The FBI was on this investigation for about 10 years
The FBI is full of highly intelligent people.

I think its safe to conclude that the FBI is most definitely correct on this.

I don't even understand why we should feel for these people. If anything these people should be used as a life lesson (especially if one does not have a fear of Hashem)"hmm... if I steal, maybe the FBI will see me, and catch me, and then put me in jail."

Raffle Ticket

My mother just recently remembered a story she heard from a Rabbi. Here is the story followed by my very humble (stubborn) opinion:

There once was a lady somewhere in frumville whose child got engaged. She had little money and was unable to afford to make a simcha. Since she was a proud women, she had no desire to ask for charity. Her friend wanted to help her, but she refused to accept charity even from her friends.

Her friend thought of a plan. She decided to sell "raffle tickets." She collected a lot of money. Then went and sold a raffle to her proud friend.

The proud friend "won" the money because she had the system rigged (by not actually having the raffle).

***

When the Rabbi was telling over this story, he said it with such pride over the frum community. He was saying how wonderful it was that a friend would go out of her way to create a raffle to RIG it, in order to enable her proud friend to throw her child a simcha.

Now...

Am I the only one who thinks what this lady did by inventing a raffle is a form of theft? I can't even fathom how a RABBI could introduce this subject into anything other than "theft 101" or "How to manipulate funds 101".. to PRAISE this woman is far from appropriate. I think it's disgusting.

I buy raffle tickets. I personally don't expect to win, I give the money as a form of tzedakah, but I like to know that I have a CHANCE of winning... not necessarily because I intend to win, but because I want to know that my money is going to a legit organization. If an organization is legit, they'd actually RAFFLE OFF tickets- and not just lie about the whole thing.

Am I the only one who thinks that frummy idiots should stop blaming all frum problems on the "lack of tznius" and start focusing on the THEFT in the community. For heavens sake, a Rabbi praised a woman who made up the raffle!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its no wonder we have minyanim (of frum men) in US prisons with KOSHER food!!

Democrat Balloonist

A woman in a hot

> air balloon realized she was lost.

> She lowered her

> altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.

>

> She shouted to

> him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I

> would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I

> am." The man

> consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in

> a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground

> elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31

> degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09

> minutes west longitude. "She rolled

> her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

>

> "I

> am," replied the man. "How did

> you know?" "Well,"

> answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is

> technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your

> information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not

> been much help to me." The man smiled

> and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

>

> "I

> am," replied the balloonist. "How did

> you know?" "Well,"

> said the man, "you don't know where you are or

> where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due

> to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have

> no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your

> problem. You're in

> exactly the same position you were in before we met, but

> somehow, now it's my fault.