Wednesday, September 30, 2009

He's gonna *make* you

This one guy at shul keeps on bothering my father. He keeps telling him that my fiance only says he won't make me cover my hair, but a few months into marriage, he'll make me!

I also have this friend, who is currently seeing a guy, who is slightly (literally, slightly) more religious than she is. Her family is freaking out (they don't like him because she's sephardi/he's ashkanazie), so they keep telling her that he'll *make* her cover her hair; he's only saying now that he doesn't care, because he just wants to get married [if he's that desperate, he needs a shrink, not a wife with a sheital].

Normally, I ignore people who are stupid, but in this case, since my friend is being bombarded with the same retardedness as my father is, I'm going to just write a ranting post about it.

Firstly (and I said this to my friend when she was complaining to me), I'd like to know how any man- even woman for that matter- could *make* someone cover their hair? Is there a crazy glue gemach that works with the sheital gemach... together with the consent of the husband, they raid the house in the middle of the night and crazy glue a sheital onto a woman's head?

Secondly, I don't know what goes on on shidduch dates, but my fiance and I (and my friend and the guy she's seeing) DISCUSSED hair covering. If he lied to me about where he stands on this issue to the extent that he'll *make* me cover my hair a few months into the marriage, what else is he lying about? I'll have bigger issues to worry about than whether or not my head is covered with a shmata or a bit of 3rd world hair!

Thirdly...well...I don't have a thirdly.. People are just stupid.
Does anyone know how someone can *make* a woman cover her hair?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

My uncle's wedding

So my uncle got married on Sunday... to a shiksa.

We didn't go to the wedding. It was in a church. My uncle asked us to please at least go to the reception, but really... what's a reception if you don't participate in the ceremony?

And so... we didn't go to the wedding. We didn't even really feel as if we missed much, after all, when we went to the fiance's shower we felt totally out of place.

I was browsing facebook earlier today. Lo and behold my uncle was tagged in a few of the photos in an album dedicated completely to his wedding. I went and looked through the photos.

1- the "church" wedding, was literally something that would've made me vomit had I been unaware and attended the ceremony. The "chupah" was held in the front of the church (that would be the alter?) right UNDER a *huge* cross, with, you guessed it, a Jesus hanging from it.

2- My uncle was standing there in a frikkin KIPPA!!
I mean really... REALLY!?! I'm all for open minded and all that nonsense, but even a reform person can't JUSTIFY standing under an IDOL performing a traditional ceremony with a man there in a KIPPA!

But NOOOOO... The "rabbi" was a dumba$$ who said that a Jew being in a church was ok as long as he was wearing a kippa.

3- The people at that wedding made me REALLLLLLLY happy I'm not very close with my new aunt's side. The way they dressed is not just immodest (which doesn't bother me much), but was literally indecent. IT was like beach dresses. I've been to nice non-religious weddings, where the girls wore nice chiffon teeny dresses or taffeta or silk. but at least the material was classy. At this wedding, it's like they threw s/t on that was in the dress category, and felt it was appropriate. They looked as if they were at the wedding in a beach cover-up outfit.

4- At her shower I met a reaaaaaallllllly distant relative. A relative that not only had I never met, but my mother had never met either. Anyway, my grandma has always been telling us that this relative (let's call her Devora) was frum. We knew exactly how "frum" she was when we were told she had THREE sets of dishes... 2 for kashrus purposes (1 meat, 1 dairy), and one for when she feels like eating traif.

At this shower my family was given kosher food, while Devora said she'll eat "dairy" at the place. Fine, no problem. Not everyone cares and I certainly don't. She just really bothered me because she kept talking about her own stupid family as if people she had just met really care that much!
Oh... and then of course, this same "frum" relative was found in the very SAME facebook photo album. Standing there in the VERY same picture in the church with the chupah under the idol was this "FRUM" relative!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know ... eat what you want, dress how you want. But don't frikkin pretend to be frum and not even be remotely bothered by the fact that not only was he marrying a shiksa (one can claim to be open minded), but he was performing a pretty holy ceremony in front of an IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't fathom what a frikkin idiot this woman is. I'm trying to figure out who bothers me more in all this, Devora for attending the ceremony or the "rabbi" for approving it.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Humor wedding related stuff

I'm very much in wedding mode lately. Everything in my life right now revolves around weddings; Between gown fittings, apartment viewings and hair consultations, I feel as if I've had a career change and become an event planner of some sort. The fact that my best friend just recently got married (mazel tov to her :)) didn't "help" the situation. All-in-all, the experience is good, just ridiculously hectic. Since everything in life- including wedding planning- involves dealing with people, much humor has come from my adventures (especially recently), that I'd like to share.

THe first story takes place after my best friends shabbos kallah:

My best friends shabbos kallah came to an end. Since she could not see her chosson (and because she happens to be nice), she drove me and another girl (mutual friend) home. The other girl was in the car and innocently asked me "Does it bother you that you got engaged first, yet you're getting married after her?"

My best friend was like "we're so not like that, its not a competition."
I said "yea, its not a competition, just because my fiance and I decided it were better to have a longer engagement, doesn't mean I want everyone around me to put their lives on hold."

I can't help but laugh at this, mostly becuase it's a pathetic question, and a pathetic outlook in life. When one gets engaged, its not about getting to the chupah first, its about the marraige itself. If someone gets married first, second, third or fourth, that doesn't mean their marriage will be better or worse. Yet, its quite common for frummies to focus on getting married ASAP so as not to turn into an "old maid" at the ripe "old" age of 21 (or is it 22 now?).

The second story took place at a sheva brachos:

A girl went over to the Rabbi and asked the following question "Is it true that if a kallah steps on someones foot during the dancing at a wedding, she's the next to get married?"

Due to the tone, I'm almost positive the question was not actually serious. But the response was so funny.

he Rabbi responded kinda confused "I've never heard of that, but don't go around spreading it, or else all the single girls will ask to be stomped on!"

How pathetically true is that? LOL. I was trying so hard not to laugh. :)

It's after 2 am, and so I cannot recall all the stories I meant to share. Maybe I"ll repost. :)