Thursday, July 2, 2009

Random frum nonsense

Sometimes frummy educators try very hard to convince people of how the people in Jewish history were perfect little kollel angels, who never did anything wrong. Here is a list of random nonsense I heard from frummies over the years:

1- The RamBam learned to be a physician by learning the science in the Gemara. All the books he wrote pertaining to medicine, and all the science he learned were written/read in the bathroom. He never actually wasted time learning how to be a phsyician as a modern day residence would, he knew exactly what to do when the time came, without ever putting theory into practice.

2- Yehuda never actually thought Tamar was a hooker! He knew who she was, afterall, why would anyone other than Tamar sit covered outside the city wall on a beautiful day and entice men if thats how hookers were known to get clients in those days?


3- After the sea split, and the Jews made it across, Miriam and the ladies danced and sang behind a mechitza.

4- Pinchus went on a killing spree because the women weren't dressed tzniously [ nothing at all to do with the fact that people were fornicating infront of idols.]

That is the end of what I remember.
If any of you heard similar, I'd love to read about it in the comments :-D

26 comments:

Favorite Anonymous said...

LOL!!!!!

jewish philosopher said...

Here's the biggest joke: People become Frum Skeptics not because of whores, porn and cocaine. Not because they want to eat everything and fuck everything.

Oh no - it's because of Science!! LOL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Moshe said...

ROFLMAO!

4 is because the back of their knees were showing!

3, well, that's not really accurate. They would need 2 mechitzas. One between them and the Jewish men and the other between them and the Mitzriyim.

2, yep, that's why he didn't confess until the last second, just to punish her for her bad behavior.

1, his insurance must've been through the roof.

inkstainedhands said...

I actually remember learning about Pinchus in junior high. I can't really remember though how the teacher explained the actual sin, but I think everyone understood it wasn't just about tzniut.

If I remember any other things I was told in the past, I'll comment again.

Frum and Rational said...

One of the best ones I have heard is that JFK's election started America's descent into a lack of tznius b/c he didn't wear a hat to his inauguration, so everyone followed his example and stopped wearing hats, and it all spiraled downward from there.

~Lady E~ said...

how about: Everything in the torah is meant to be taken literally, no metaphors, poetry, etc.
The teachers point was that Israel was literally a land that had milk and honey flowing through the streets.

mlevin said...

ISH - there is as much correlation between Pinchas story and Tznious, as blaming deaths of Romeo and Juliet on lack of Kovod ov v'am

inkstainedhands said...

Lady E -- So was she trying to say that when people walked down the street their shoes stuck to the ground? Or they were just walking knee-deep in milk?

Mlevin -- That's why I said that girls understood it wasn't an issue of just tzniut, that it was something more than that. But I guess one can say that the women lacked tzniut in tempting the men... but that wasn't really the issue since the women weren't Jewish (as far as I know).

Although frumskeptic's original post was about examples from Jewish history, I just remembered something a teacher said in class that really angered me....

She matter-of-factly stated that Jews don't have dogs. That was just so ridiculous that I could not keep quiet and started arguing with her... rather loudly.

Moshe said...

So what's the "real" story of Yael?

~Lady E~ said...

ISH: it's funny because she actually brought examples of how the gemorah describes israel as knee deep in milk and honey. She really didn't understand the concept of "metaphorically speaking/writing" :) The worst part is is that everyone that i spoke to about that class (lots of girls) seemed to buy what she was teaching...so sad. The teacher and other students seemed to have forgetten that parshas Haazinu is one long poem with plenty of metaphors and similes, and thats just one parsha.

fave commenter said...

oh goshness...well, anything that happened between men and women was called MARRIAGE (this is from various teachers over the years)...such as amnon and tamar...


(hi lady e!)

Ben said...

Frum Skeptic - can you delete Jewish Philosopher's comment? It's offensive, crass, and adds nothing to the discussion (except showing how people can, in the name of frumkeit, commit nivul peh).

Moshe said...

Which is why it should remain.
Maybe next time the rabbi doing the conversion will make sure the person is converting in order to become Jewish and not to become an antisemite who can now say whatever he wants because he "Jewish".

frumskeptic said...

Moshe- #4 is because of that post. I found that excuse for being tznius awesome.

frum and rational- LoL. Thats awesome. How can a country run if its president isn't wearing a hat!?

ISH- I've heard from a countless number of people that halachically Jews are not allowed to have dogs. I even put a post up sometime way back about a Rabbi who told a girl who converted to get rid of her dog, and she did (I knew the girl personally). So sad. If I remember to search for it, I'll send a link (but it wont be until after shabbos).

Ben- I'm with Moshe on this one. JP makes me think that Sephardim have the right idea for not allowing conversions.

Anonymous said...

Wow -FS that last comment is offensive. I am the child of a convert and cannot believe that you wrote that!

frumskeptic said...

anonymous- don't take it personally, I meant that we have to be cautious. which I'm sure u understand. JP is a convert, and I sure as heck wish no one converted him. He's an embarrassment to all that os Jewish.

Moshe said...

JP is a well know troll. He's racist and he leaves nasty comments.

ISH, I think I left comments on the post about dogs about dogs in Torah, something those people conveniently ignore.
I believe torah.org has a very nice article about dogs' role in Judaism.

Favorite Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Honestly Frum said...

I like #3. Pretty sick revisionist stuff.

Mikeinmidwood said...

I was told Lincoln was killed because he set the blacks free, and noach cursed cana'an, or something like that.

Frum and Rational said...

That one about Lincoln is part of the whole frummie racism issue. Speaking of which, someone cursed by Noach (Obama) cannot be a good president, so all Jews must make sure their passports are updated in order to flee the country in case he is elected. (I wonder if any of them have actually followed through and left since he was elected)

frumskeptic said...

frum and rational- Haven't you heard, Obama is going to bring Moshiach! Why leave, when we'll be saved?

5 months in office and no moshiach...

I wonder what we're doing wrong!?

Mikeinmidwood said...

We obviously werent redeemed yet due to lack of tznius, there is no other reason I can think of besides for that.

aztecqueen2000 said...

I still want to know how one drum drowned out 600,00 women's voices singing in unison in the middle of the desert!

aztecqueen2000 said...

I still don't understand how one little drum (or was is a tambourine?) drowned out 600,00 women singing in the middle of the open desert.
And if they had that mechitza, why stop there? Why not split the sea into 24 lanes, so the men and women of each tribe could walk through separately?
Here's one I heard from my husband. Rashi (you may remember him and have drunk his wine) was actually a rosh yeshiva, and not in the wine business at all.

Moshe said...

Drum?

Here's mine:
Noach drank Kedem and Ham opened the flap of his tent and Noach punished him for disturbing his sleep.