Saturday, January 19, 2008

"Shidduch-Bux"

This is a real letter to the "Readers Write" column in the Yated. Its a new "Innovative" idea to solve the shidduch "crisis" I don't even need to stick my comments in, its self explanatory how ridiculous this idea is. Have fun...looking forward to the comments.

Dear Editor,
We were extremely inspired by the comments of "Can't Wait to Hear From You" in last week's Readers Write, concerning the attitude of some bochurim and their parents towards out-of-town girls. We were particularly taken with her suggestion that a takana be made "that out-of-town boys can't go out with in-towners. Or maybe this could be added to the list of money incentives."

Quite frankly, we think this is an astounding idea - money incentives do seem to work wonders - but it doesn't go far enough! After discussing the matter with at length, we have hit upon what we think, b'aniys da'ateinu, might very well be a solution. We would like to present the rudimentary outline to the readers of the Yated, and we hope that with everyone's two cents, we will be able to modify it further.

We think that every bochur of shidduch age should be required to open an account in a central shidduch registry. Every time the bochur goes on a date [1] he will accrue a certain amount of Shidduch-Bux (TM) on his account in the central registry. The number of points will be determined by the committee in charge of the registry, but the general outline is something like this:
In-town (Brooklyn, Queens, The Five Towns, etc.) girls are one point.
Monsey, Passaic and Lakewood girls are five points. [2]
Los Angeles and Miami girls are five points. [3]
Chicago girls are five points. [4]
Baltimore, Silver Spring, and all other drivable locations are ten points.

All other locations are to be given at least fifteen points. Finer distinctions can be hammered out by the committee, using different criteria. [5] Different out-of-town communities are encouraged to approach the committee and plead their individual causes. [6]

The more Shidduch-Bux (TM) a bochur accrues, the more he will eventually be worth once he finally gets engaged- when Shidduch-Bux (TM) will be redeemable for a wonderful selection of merchandise! At a to-be-determined ratio of Shidduch-Bux (TM) to dollars, chassanim who have lots of Shidduch-Bux (TM) can take home various prizes such as a seforim schrank, and iPod loaded with Shas, a silver esrog box, etc. If a bochur has the misfortune to date for a while, and if he restricts himself to really far out-of-town girls, he might even collect enough Shidduch-Bux (TM) to buy a townhouse in Lakewood!

We would like to point out that this system is not predicated on a bochur marrying an out-of-town girl, but merely dating out-of-town girls.

We know that some of you are thinking that this system won't work. The travel costs to get to all those out-of-town girls will outweigh the benefits of dating them, you say. Rest assured, though, that the bochurim won't have to travel-the girls will come to New York.

Obviously, there are many flaws in the system. However, we think that it is at least the beginning of a solution. We invite the readers of Readers Write to respond to this letter with further modifications.

Yours Very Sincerely,
Can't Wait To Hear From You, Either

[1] This can, ofcourse, mean a sit-in, as well
[2] Although these areas are generally considered to be 'in-town', we have heard numerous references to their being considered "G.U.," or Geographically Undesirable. From what we can ascertain, this is related to the unfortunate fact that these areas require long-ish journeys by car and a person might have to use a restroom. This concern applies to both the bochur going on a date and also to potential einiklach going for Yom Tov years from now. Some of you might pooh-pooh this, but we have heard it expressed as a negative by potential shidduchim often enough that we feel these girls deserve more points.
[3] Although these require a plane trip, we have heard that many people do not mind the prospect as they consider it a vacation to a warm and sunny climate.
[4] Although Chicago is far from warm and sunny, many in-towners are under the misimpression that everyone in Chicago owns a nursing home, and so it might be worth someone's while to travel a little if it means their son can shteig without worrying.
[5] For example, the fewer kosher eateries, the more points. No kosher pizza places equals an automatic extra three points.
[6] The point system will be inapplicable in certain situations. For example, any potential out-of-town shidduch whose last name is familiar to many in-towners due to its appearance on a mosad, and ArtScroll publication, the Yated, etc. will not cause a bochur to accrue any Shidduch-Bux (TM). See Footnote 4.

11 comments:

ure fave commenter ;-) said...

I'm shuddering as I'm reading it. I'm not in shidduchim yet, (as you FS know :)) but oy can't wait (lol!).
There was an article about shidduchim in Mishpacha this week and I bought it just to read the article. I suggest you do too.

ProfK said...

Good grief! It's not anywhere near Purim yet, but surely this was "Purim Torah"?

yomtova said...

This has to be tongue in cheek. Has to, right?

frumskeptic said...

lol lol. I doubt its a Purim thing. But hey, maybe since I'm just new at this Yated reading thing, that I'm unaware at the monthly "joke" they post? LOL!

My family was really laughing at this one. This is 2 much. Dont these people realize that'll just encourage (what my friend called) "serial dating"?

maddict410 said...

I dont konw where these Jews come from...our religion is much more sane, logical and practical than this.

Anonymous said...

wow...what has this world come toooo?????

maddict410:

"I dont konw where these Jews come from...our religion is much more sane, logical and practical than this."
This has nothing to do with religion...you are obviously not jewish so please don't judge jews...thank you!

Jessica said...

WHAT THE HELL!?!?

chanief said...

Oh please tell me that's a sick but funny joke. Please?

On Her Own said...

This sounds like satire. It has to be satire. Please, please tell me it's satire.

The Babysitter said...

That is the funniest thing I ever read! I was really laughing as I was reading this! I have so many comments on this that its too much to write...

md razu Ahmed said...



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