I was given a ride home from a coworker of mine. He's a very nice, succesful frummy. He's your typical do-gooder (and I mean this in a good way).
In the car he was telling me about how his first year of marraige he was in kollel. He said he couldn't handle it. He was unable to bear the burden, knowing his (and her) parents were supporting him. He said he couldn't handle it for more than one year. He wasn't able to go out to eat, or buy a soda from a local bodega knowing that it was a luxury his parents had to work hard to provide for. So he didn't do things like that. He said rent he was able to accept because he told himself they were providing for the Torah Learning. But he couldn't bear anything other than that. He couldn't justify it to himself.
Imagine if all learners (and many non-full-time learners as well) had that kind of regard for other people's money... Maybe the economic crisis wouldn't have hit as hard as it did in the community...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Fountainhead
So far, after Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell- The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand is my favorite book of all time.
The Fountainhead was written by a woman who was so anti-communism, she became a liberatarian. Ayn Rand was like the Liberatarian. Her views on everything (in my opinion) are quite awesome, but so extreme that most of them cannot be feasable. (fun fact: Alan Greenspan was one of her friends/followers, attended her funeral and used her philosophy in alot of his work).
Anyway, the book is full of incredible quotes. The first "quote" is probably my favorite of all time, and describes the vast majority of frum people quite well- I'm going to copy the dialogue:
person 1- "...but I guess thats what the public wants."
person 2- "Why do you suppose they want it?"
person 1- "I don't know."
person 2- "Then why should you care what they want?"
person 1- "You've got to consider the public.:
person 2- "Don't you know that most people take most things because that's what's given them, and they have no opinion whatever? Do you wish to be guided by what they expect you to think they think or by your own judgment?"
If you're reading this and cannot fathom why I think person 1 is a typical frummy, while person 2 has a brain (and is not so typical), then you're probably just like person 1.
----
The following is a quote that I just adore, because it describes how I feel about frum people everytime I'm surrounded by to many of them (at various events or at shul and the women only talk about their hair, make-up and diets). As you read it, please substitute Peter for "Frummy" (I didnt wanna kill the quote so I left it original).
"You- Peter, you're everything I despise in the world and I don't want to remember how much I despise it. If I let myself remember- I'll return to it. this is not an insult to you, Peter. Try to understand that. You're not the worst of the world. You're its best. That's what's frightening."
The Fountainhead was written by a woman who was so anti-communism, she became a liberatarian. Ayn Rand was like the Liberatarian. Her views on everything (in my opinion) are quite awesome, but so extreme that most of them cannot be feasable. (fun fact: Alan Greenspan was one of her friends/followers, attended her funeral and used her philosophy in alot of his work).
Anyway, the book is full of incredible quotes. The first "quote" is probably my favorite of all time, and describes the vast majority of frum people quite well- I'm going to copy the dialogue:
person 1- "...but I guess thats what the public wants."
person 2- "Why do you suppose they want it?"
person 1- "I don't know."
person 2- "Then why should you care what they want?"
person 1- "You've got to consider the public.:
person 2- "Don't you know that most people take most things because that's what's given them, and they have no opinion whatever? Do you wish to be guided by what they expect you to think they think or by your own judgment?"
If you're reading this and cannot fathom why I think person 1 is a typical frummy, while person 2 has a brain (and is not so typical), then you're probably just like person 1.
----
The following is a quote that I just adore, because it describes how I feel about frum people everytime I'm surrounded by to many of them (at various events or at shul and the women only talk about their hair, make-up and diets). As you read it, please substitute Peter for "Frummy" (I didnt wanna kill the quote so I left it original).
"You- Peter, you're everything I despise in the world and I don't want to remember how much I despise it. If I let myself remember- I'll return to it. this is not an insult to you, Peter. Try to understand that. You're not the worst of the world. You're its best. That's what's frightening."
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thanksgiving
With Thanksgiving a few days away I decided to write a post dedicated to the Turkey day. I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who has a family member in a Jewish frummer B”Y type school; she was saying how the kids do arts n’ crafts for Mothers Day, Fathers Day & Thanksgiving even though they’re secular holidays and not everyone in the school keeps them.
This friend claimed that it causes jealousy amongst the students, because some have Mom’s & Dads who welcome the crafts, while others give a whole lecture against them. My view is that Kids will be Kids, and jealousy will come anyway. There is no reason why a teacher cannot use an excuse for arts n’crafts (it keeps the kids occupied). Also, if the teachers are smart they can turn secular holiday arts n’ crafts into a learning experience as well. Thanksgiving is a clear example. Have the kids cut out boat shapes and spell out the Mayflower on it… around Columbus day you can have them cut out similar boat shapes with Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria spelled out. Sure, Mothers and Fathers Day complicates the lecture, but if a teacher so chooses she can say “Many frum Jews don’t celebrate days specifically dedicated for Mom’s & Dad’s –and say why- but you can get great gifts, so sometimes taking advantage of the cheapness is the Jewish way too J…” Something, anything… Why is it that we have to completely screw around with such innocent holidays and allow “jealousy.”
Some kids hold by Cholov Yisroal and cannot experience the deliciousness of the Kit Kat or the Snickers bar, or DUNKIN DONUTS!!!.. how come they don’t complain about Cholov Yisroal ?
This friend claimed that it causes jealousy amongst the students, because some have Mom’s & Dads who welcome the crafts, while others give a whole lecture against them. My view is that Kids will be Kids, and jealousy will come anyway. There is no reason why a teacher cannot use an excuse for arts n’crafts (it keeps the kids occupied). Also, if the teachers are smart they can turn secular holiday arts n’ crafts into a learning experience as well. Thanksgiving is a clear example. Have the kids cut out boat shapes and spell out the Mayflower on it… around Columbus day you can have them cut out similar boat shapes with Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria spelled out. Sure, Mothers and Fathers Day complicates the lecture, but if a teacher so chooses she can say “Many frum Jews don’t celebrate days specifically dedicated for Mom’s & Dad’s –and say why- but you can get great gifts, so sometimes taking advantage of the cheapness is the Jewish way too J…” Something, anything… Why is it that we have to completely screw around with such innocent holidays and allow “jealousy.”
Some kids hold by Cholov Yisroal and cannot experience the deliciousness of the Kit Kat or the Snickers bar, or DUNKIN DONUTS!!!.. how come they don’t complain about Cholov Yisroal ?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Why I dont give to Hachnosses Kallah
I received an email the other day from an engaged person. I know she isn’t the wealthiest person, but between her and her fiance’s parents they’re managing to pay for quite an expensive wedding. I was happy for her that she was marrying someone who had a little bit more money to help out. Like for example, her fiance lives a luxury building (not the type where the word luxury is used loosely).
One might think that between his and her savings and wedding present money all should be well. Right? Well apparently not. Because she still felt that she needed some financial help, so she went and had her teacher from HS fill out a form for her to receive 2 sets of dishes, 2 sets of pots/pans, 2 sets of flatwear, sheets, towels and a huge amount of coupons to help pay for furniture (honestly I don’t consider coupons a big deal, but I’m just mentioning what she’s getting), a food processor, and other small random things that should, atleast in my opinion *not* be given out for free if the kallah is having an *expensive* wedding.
Now… Someone told me that I may not know the full situation so I shouldn’t judge and get all ticked off. But I thought about that, and here is what I *do* know
- She has over $10,000 in savings
- He has over $10,000 in savings
- While $20,000 doesn’t get a newly wed couple to far (btwn appliances, furniture, *rent* (in the NYC area will not hold that amount for long), bills etc). its still quite a number especially since one is working and the other is looking for a job (oh… and wedding money soon to come…)
- The wedding is *not* being paid for by a hachnosses kallah org, and since I've been to the hall she’s being married in (when I was looking for my own wedding) I *know* the place is *not* exactly cheap, because I know the cost per plate… Like I said, I know she’s not the richest person etc… I understand that some people need help starting a marriage… but she is having an EXPENSIVE wedding. If she’s dumb enough to either spend all the money on the wedding or go into debt over the wedding, she shouldn’t be qualified for the free stuff. Infact, Since she has enough money in savings and soon in wedding money to definitely get by for a about a year, there should be no reason she’s getting help *now* anyway… SPECIFICALLY because she’s having an expensive wedding. I don’t get this… why do Jews think its their RIGHT to irresponsibly spend money and still qualify for “help”?!
One might think that between his and her savings and wedding present money all should be well. Right? Well apparently not. Because she still felt that she needed some financial help, so she went and had her teacher from HS fill out a form for her to receive 2 sets of dishes, 2 sets of pots/pans, 2 sets of flatwear, sheets, towels and a huge amount of coupons to help pay for furniture (honestly I don’t consider coupons a big deal, but I’m just mentioning what she’s getting), a food processor, and other small random things that should, atleast in my opinion *not* be given out for free if the kallah is having an *expensive* wedding.
Now… Someone told me that I may not know the full situation so I shouldn’t judge and get all ticked off. But I thought about that, and here is what I *do* know
- She has over $10,000 in savings
- He has over $10,000 in savings
- While $20,000 doesn’t get a newly wed couple to far (btwn appliances, furniture, *rent* (in the NYC area will not hold that amount for long), bills etc). its still quite a number especially since one is working and the other is looking for a job (oh… and wedding money soon to come…)
- The wedding is *not* being paid for by a hachnosses kallah org, and since I've been to the hall she’s being married in (when I was looking for my own wedding) I *know* the place is *not* exactly cheap, because I know the cost per plate… Like I said, I know she’s not the richest person etc… I understand that some people need help starting a marriage… but she is having an EXPENSIVE wedding. If she’s dumb enough to either spend all the money on the wedding or go into debt over the wedding, she shouldn’t be qualified for the free stuff. Infact, Since she has enough money in savings and soon in wedding money to definitely get by for a about a year, there should be no reason she’s getting help *now* anyway… SPECIFICALLY because she’s having an expensive wedding. I don’t get this… why do Jews think its their RIGHT to irresponsibly spend money and still qualify for “help”?!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
He's gonna *make* you
This one guy at shul keeps on bothering my father. He keeps telling him that my fiance only says he won't make me cover my hair, but a few months into marriage, he'll make me!
I also have this friend, who is currently seeing a guy, who is slightly (literally, slightly) more religious than she is. Her family is freaking out (they don't like him because she's sephardi/he's ashkanazie), so they keep telling her that he'll *make* her cover her hair; he's only saying now that he doesn't care, because he just wants to get married [if he's that desperate, he needs a shrink, not a wife with a sheital].
***
Normally, I ignore people who are stupid, but in this case, since my friend is being bombarded with the same retardedness as my father is, I'm going to just write a ranting post about it.
Firstly (and I said this to my friend when she was complaining to me), I'd like to know how any man- even woman for that matter- could *make* someone cover their hair? Is there a crazy glue gemach that works with the sheital gemach... together with the consent of the husband, they raid the house in the middle of the night and crazy glue a sheital onto a woman's head?
Secondly, I don't know what goes on on shidduch dates, but my fiance and I (and my friend and the guy she's seeing) DISCUSSED hair covering. If he lied to me about where he stands on this issue to the extent that he'll *make* me cover my hair a few months into the marriage, what else is he lying about? I'll have bigger issues to worry about than whether or not my head is covered with a shmata or a bit of 3rd world hair!
Thirdly...well...I don't have a thirdly.. People are just stupid.
Does anyone know how someone can *make* a woman cover her hair?
I also have this friend, who is currently seeing a guy, who is slightly (literally, slightly) more religious than she is. Her family is freaking out (they don't like him because she's sephardi/he's ashkanazie), so they keep telling her that he'll *make* her cover her hair; he's only saying now that he doesn't care, because he just wants to get married [if he's that desperate, he needs a shrink, not a wife with a sheital].
***
Normally, I ignore people who are stupid, but in this case, since my friend is being bombarded with the same retardedness as my father is, I'm going to just write a ranting post about it.
Firstly (and I said this to my friend when she was complaining to me), I'd like to know how any man- even woman for that matter- could *make* someone cover their hair? Is there a crazy glue gemach that works with the sheital gemach... together with the consent of the husband, they raid the house in the middle of the night and crazy glue a sheital onto a woman's head?
Secondly, I don't know what goes on on shidduch dates, but my fiance and I (and my friend and the guy she's seeing) DISCUSSED hair covering. If he lied to me about where he stands on this issue to the extent that he'll *make* me cover my hair a few months into the marriage, what else is he lying about? I'll have bigger issues to worry about than whether or not my head is covered with a shmata or a bit of 3rd world hair!
Thirdly...well...I don't have a thirdly.. People are just stupid.
Does anyone know how someone can *make* a woman cover her hair?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
My uncle's wedding
So my uncle got married on Sunday... to a shiksa.
We didn't go to the wedding. It was in a church. My uncle asked us to please at least go to the reception, but really... what's a reception if you don't participate in the ceremony?
And so... we didn't go to the wedding. We didn't even really feel as if we missed much, after all, when we went to the fiance's shower we felt totally out of place.
I was browsing facebook earlier today. Lo and behold my uncle was tagged in a few of the photos in an album dedicated completely to his wedding. I went and looked through the photos.
1- the "church" wedding, was literally something that would've made me vomit had I been unaware and attended the ceremony. The "chupah" was held in the front of the church (that would be the alter?) right UNDER a *huge* cross, with, you guessed it, a Jesus hanging from it.
2- My uncle was standing there in a frikkin KIPPA!!
I mean really... REALLY!?! I'm all for open minded and all that nonsense, but even a reform person can't JUSTIFY standing under an IDOL performing a traditional ceremony with a man there in a KIPPA!
But NOOOOO... The "rabbi" was a dumba$$ who said that a Jew being in a church was ok as long as he was wearing a kippa.
3- The people at that wedding made me REALLLLLLLY happy I'm not very close with my new aunt's side. The way they dressed is not just immodest (which doesn't bother me much), but was literally indecent. IT was like beach dresses. I've been to nice non-religious weddings, where the girls wore nice chiffon teeny dresses or taffeta or silk. but at least the material was classy. At this wedding, it's like they threw s/t on that was in the dress category, and felt it was appropriate. They looked as if they were at the wedding in a beach cover-up outfit.
4- At her shower I met a reaaaaaallllllly distant relative. A relative that not only had I never met, but my mother had never met either. Anyway, my grandma has always been telling us that this relative (let's call her Devora) was frum. We knew exactly how "frum" she was when we were told she had THREE sets of dishes... 2 for kashrus purposes (1 meat, 1 dairy), and one for when she feels like eating traif.
At this shower my family was given kosher food, while Devora said she'll eat "dairy" at the place. Fine, no problem. Not everyone cares and I certainly don't. She just really bothered me because she kept talking about her own stupid family as if people she had just met really care that much!
Oh... and then of course, this same "frum" relative was found in the very SAME facebook photo album. Standing there in the VERY same picture in the church with the chupah under the idol was this "FRUM" relative!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know ... eat what you want, dress how you want. But don't frikkin pretend to be frum and not even be remotely bothered by the fact that not only was he marrying a shiksa (one can claim to be open minded), but he was performing a pretty holy ceremony in front of an IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't fathom what a frikkin idiot this woman is. I'm trying to figure out who bothers me more in all this, Devora for attending the ceremony or the "rabbi" for approving it.
We didn't go to the wedding. It was in a church. My uncle asked us to please at least go to the reception, but really... what's a reception if you don't participate in the ceremony?
And so... we didn't go to the wedding. We didn't even really feel as if we missed much, after all, when we went to the fiance's shower we felt totally out of place.
I was browsing facebook earlier today. Lo and behold my uncle was tagged in a few of the photos in an album dedicated completely to his wedding. I went and looked through the photos.
1- the "church" wedding, was literally something that would've made me vomit had I been unaware and attended the ceremony. The "chupah" was held in the front of the church (that would be the alter?) right UNDER a *huge* cross, with, you guessed it, a Jesus hanging from it.
2- My uncle was standing there in a frikkin KIPPA!!
I mean really... REALLY!?! I'm all for open minded and all that nonsense, but even a reform person can't JUSTIFY standing under an IDOL performing a traditional ceremony with a man there in a KIPPA!
But NOOOOO... The "rabbi" was a dumba$$ who said that a Jew being in a church was ok as long as he was wearing a kippa.
3- The people at that wedding made me REALLLLLLLY happy I'm not very close with my new aunt's side. The way they dressed is not just immodest (which doesn't bother me much), but was literally indecent. IT was like beach dresses. I've been to nice non-religious weddings, where the girls wore nice chiffon teeny dresses or taffeta or silk. but at least the material was classy. At this wedding, it's like they threw s/t on that was in the dress category, and felt it was appropriate. They looked as if they were at the wedding in a beach cover-up outfit.
4- At her shower I met a reaaaaaallllllly distant relative. A relative that not only had I never met, but my mother had never met either. Anyway, my grandma has always been telling us that this relative (let's call her Devora) was frum. We knew exactly how "frum" she was when we were told she had THREE sets of dishes... 2 for kashrus purposes (1 meat, 1 dairy), and one for when she feels like eating traif.
At this shower my family was given kosher food, while Devora said she'll eat "dairy" at the place. Fine, no problem. Not everyone cares and I certainly don't. She just really bothered me because she kept talking about her own stupid family as if people she had just met really care that much!
Oh... and then of course, this same "frum" relative was found in the very SAME facebook photo album. Standing there in the VERY same picture in the church with the chupah under the idol was this "FRUM" relative!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know ... eat what you want, dress how you want. But don't frikkin pretend to be frum and not even be remotely bothered by the fact that not only was he marrying a shiksa (one can claim to be open minded), but he was performing a pretty holy ceremony in front of an IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't fathom what a frikkin idiot this woman is. I'm trying to figure out who bothers me more in all this, Devora for attending the ceremony or the "rabbi" for approving it.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Humor wedding related stuff
I'm very much in wedding mode lately. Everything in my life right now revolves around weddings; Between gown fittings, apartment viewings and hair consultations, I feel as if I've had a career change and become an event planner of some sort. The fact that my best friend just recently got married (mazel tov to her :)) didn't "help" the situation. All-in-all, the experience is good, just ridiculously hectic. Since everything in life- including wedding planning- involves dealing with people, much humor has come from my adventures (especially recently), that I'd like to share.
THe first story takes place after my best friends shabbos kallah:
My best friends shabbos kallah came to an end. Since she could not see her chosson (and because she happens to be nice), she drove me and another girl (mutual friend) home. The other girl was in the car and innocently asked me "Does it bother you that you got engaged first, yet you're getting married after her?"
My best friend was like "we're so not like that, its not a competition."
I said "yea, its not a competition, just because my fiance and I decided it were better to have a longer engagement, doesn't mean I want everyone around me to put their lives on hold."
I can't help but laugh at this, mostly becuase it's a pathetic question, and a pathetic outlook in life. When one gets engaged, its not about getting to the chupah first, its about the marraige itself. If someone gets married first, second, third or fourth, that doesn't mean their marriage will be better or worse. Yet, its quite common for frummies to focus on getting married ASAP so as not to turn into an "old maid" at the ripe "old" age of 21 (or is it 22 now?).
The second story took place at a sheva brachos:
A girl went over to the Rabbi and asked the following question "Is it true that if a kallah steps on someones foot during the dancing at a wedding, she's the next to get married?"
Due to the tone, I'm almost positive the question was not actually serious. But the response was so funny.
The Rabbi responded kinda confused "I've never heard of that, but don't go around spreading it, or else all the single girls will ask to be stomped on!"
How pathetically true is that? LOL. I was trying so hard not to laugh. :)
---
It's after 2 am, and so I cannot recall all the stories I meant to share. Maybe I"ll repost. :)
THe first story takes place after my best friends shabbos kallah:
My best friends shabbos kallah came to an end. Since she could not see her chosson (and because she happens to be nice), she drove me and another girl (mutual friend) home. The other girl was in the car and innocently asked me "Does it bother you that you got engaged first, yet you're getting married after her?"
My best friend was like "we're so not like that, its not a competition."
I said "yea, its not a competition, just because my fiance and I decided it were better to have a longer engagement, doesn't mean I want everyone around me to put their lives on hold."
I can't help but laugh at this, mostly becuase it's a pathetic question, and a pathetic outlook in life. When one gets engaged, its not about getting to the chupah first, its about the marraige itself. If someone gets married first, second, third or fourth, that doesn't mean their marriage will be better or worse. Yet, its quite common for frummies to focus on getting married ASAP so as not to turn into an "old maid" at the ripe "old" age of 21 (or is it 22 now?).
The second story took place at a sheva brachos:
A girl went over to the Rabbi and asked the following question "Is it true that if a kallah steps on someones foot during the dancing at a wedding, she's the next to get married?"
Due to the tone, I'm almost positive the question was not actually serious. But the response was so funny.
The Rabbi responded kinda confused "I've never heard of that, but don't go around spreading it, or else all the single girls will ask to be stomped on!"
How pathetically true is that? LOL. I was trying so hard not to laugh. :)
---
It's after 2 am, and so I cannot recall all the stories I meant to share. Maybe I"ll repost. :)
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