Sunday, January 4, 2009

Beards

About a week ago I was at my friends wedding. The kallah was litvish, the chosson was lubavich. Both are BTs. She has been frum for about 6 years, while he was frum for about a year. He found religion through Chabad so he adapted their minhaggim.


Before they got engaged she told him that she hates beards, and since most chabad guys have beards, she told him she specifically didn't want him to keep the beard thing. He said ok.


***


I told a friend of mine that story a few days after the wedding, and the friend told me the following:


I had a friend who got engaged to a chabad guy, and he told her the same thing, that he wouldn't grow a beard. Under the chupa he told her that he made a promise that he would grow a beard, and he would have to stand by it, and so he would not shave, and he will grow a beard.


I flipped out about that. I found it repulsive that someone could do something like that. I probably woulda just shaved him in the middle of the night, its not like *I* had promised not to shave the beard, he had.


So anyway, after I flipped out, the friend said to me


Well, she told me while they were dating that she couldn't have kids, and he told her "If I'm meant to have kids, I'm only meant to have them with you."


Sure enough I calmed down, said "awwww" (or similar) and decided that it was ok that she didn't just attack him with a razor one night.


Anyway, now they have kids. Can't remember how many though. But I just thought that was cute. And I hope my friend's husband didn't do that!

19 comments:

Moshe said...

Still...

I used to shave and then I used to trim and now I'm just too lazy to do even that. I need a haircut too, big time. I wonder if I'll look like a hobo if I get some ripped pants...

I actually dressed up as a hobo for Purim one year. Bought some women's gloves and cut the fingers off. Large link chain and a small lock for a belt. One of those cheap ski hats. A small bottle of whisky in my old jeans with some nice rips. Best part of the costume, the acting. :-D

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Moshe said...

Report this guy here

Child Ish Behavior said...

You just don't like beards.

Chabad people have beards, if she agreed to go along with marrying the fellow, she knew that. I am going to bet that the fellow will grow a beard, no matter what he said. After all, beard is the default, you have to work to keep the beard off.

I've been 1 week and a half without a shave. I'm just too lazy.

;)

Moshe said...

Post a pic!

frumskeptic said...

childish- I definitly don't like beards, but if a guy specifically promised he wouldn't do it, he shouldn't do it.

Its not up to me if a girl marries a guy with a beard or not. Totally their business.

Eitherway, My friends choson aint gonna grow a beard. He didn't have one while dating (only an occassional 5 o'clock shadow) and he isn't gonna have one now. Infact, he was cleanly shaven at the wedding.

Lion of Zion said...

"he was frum for about a year"

i can't believe i'm about to write this . . . but i'm not sure if it's a good move to marry someone who has only been frum for "about a year."

frumskeptic said...

LOZ- exactly my train of thought. but you had to see this girls face when he came out for the bedeken. I've been to many weddings and I've *never* seen any bride as happy as she was.

I think she knew what she what she was doing.

I happen to be a bit on the skeptic side (duh!) so I probably wouldn't do it myself, but with her...I think he's good.

Anonymous said...

If you're marrying a person, you'd better come to terms with the fact that, eventually, you might not like the way they look. If you're frum, you'd better come to terms with beards, since there are plenty of poskim, both Chasidish and Litvish who frown upon shaving and sometimes even upon trimming.

I wonder how the Kallah would have felt if the chosson had said that he didn't like girls who aren't wearing make-up. She'd have probably thrown something at him, and rightly so. Grow up and focus on something that actually matters. Really. Or you can just stay single.

frumskeptic said...

and how about YOU grow-up and stop monitoring my blog if you don't like what I have to say.

Anonymous N. said...

You're such a girl! :P

frumskeptic said...

anon n. - I know, I'm a sucker for the sob story. :-)

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

I think you should be able to tell a girl you wouldn't like the way she would look if she got fat, and have an agreement that she wouldn't! ; )

frumskeptic said...

if a razor were able to cut the fat like it could cut the beard, I'm sure the girls would consider allowing the convo at the table.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

If it were a mitzva to be fat I'm sure those guys would have been more accepting of the idea! ; )

Commenter Abbi said...

Sounds like your friends are going to have really solid, healthy marriages if these are the things they nail down before marriage.

I second the anon's thought. Your chosson will get fat, bald, you'll gain weight. If you're that picky about looks, you'll both be in for a big surprise even five years into your marriage.

ProfK said...

Two ways to look at a gift: the wrapping and ribbons and bows are the important part so you leave them intact and never open the package, or you tear open the wrapping and don't have the pretty bows any more but you do get the gift inside. Obsessing about a physical anything--beard or weight gain--is caring more for the packaging then for the contents of the box. After the first moment it should be the inside that is more important than the outside.

frumskeptic said...

Abbi and profk- the point here was not the physical. Its up to tje couple if he shaves or not or if they focus on weight gain, the point here was HE promised that he wouldn't grow a beard because he knew the beard would bother his kallah.

She *is* entitled to have that bother her. he *can* always shave it off. Since it was apparently discussed that he not have one, he should *not* be showing up at the chupa saying he'll nevershave. IT WAS discussed between the two.

this post is about principle not shallowness.

Commenter Abbi said...

Yes, I agree, he was manipulative to reneg on his promise not to shave under the chuppah. Chances are, he was probably manipulative in many other ways before the chuppah and the kallah was too blind (or eager to get married or both) to see it.

I also agree that you have to have physical chemistry to have a happy marriage. My point was, you can make all the promises you want before marriage, and even be attracted to each other. But looks change, personalities don't.

Also, does she know that frum men, even if they shave have to grow beards at least twice a year? She'll have to get used to living with a beard at some point. It's pretty much a natural part of most grown men. Did she expect her husband to shave morning and evening so she won't see unsightly male facial hair?

I agree with Profk- you have to have a basic physical attraction to your mate. But once you fall in love, the details shouldn't really matter anymore- details include beards, other body hair, weight gain, etc. A person shouldn't let themselves go entirely, and should make an effort to stay attractive. But it shouldn't matter to their mate or affect their feelings in any way. That's the way my marriage works and I'm pretty happy.