Monday, December 31, 2007

If I rule the world

Today's world is a crazy place. Nothing is scarier than the upcoming presidential election and the current state of affairs in Israel. The baboons in politics are obviously the problem, and so therefore I would like to nominate myself as the leader of the fascist party. If you guys agree with my platform, please let me know, and second my nomination.

The first and foremost thing I would do as a fascist dictator is start a program to end world stupidity. I plan on accomplishing this by instituting annual IQ tests for ALL people, and not just to school children. I will also institute creativity tests and annual interviews with professional psychiatrists. Based on the results, I will separate the society. I will not discriminate based on race or color or gender, but solely on IQ/creativity/interview scores. The smartest people will be given their own island, or CEO headquarters where they can become my advisors and help me rule the not-so-smart people. Then I will institute a physical strength test. The strongest people in the world will be assigned to help me enforce the laws. However, the really dumb strong people will not qualify, and the really smart muscular ones will be on their own island, unless there is an emergency. The lower, not smart, uncreative, weak people will be the serfs or the slaves of the land. They will run the offices, and the factories for the smart people. They will be unable to accomplish anything further than being mere "employees" unless I see progress on their annual exam scores, or if my CEO's see progress on how their factories are running and can nail it down to a specific employee or team of employees. This system is slightly based on Plato's Republic. All peoples under my empire will have equal opportunity to learn, and will all start from square one. Each pupil will learn at his/her own pace, NOT at class pace. The really dumb people will be stuck on another island with a few retired genuis CEO's. On that island they will train them to use common sense, and logic, and reason. If this method is unsuccessful in contributing to more common sense in the world, the dumby will be forced to continously push rocks up hills that will fall, until death. There would be no point to this excercise but to keep the dumbies out of the way.

The second thing I would do if I had the opportuinity would be to forbid all hachnosas kallah organizations. If one is poor and cannot afford a wedding, they should not have one. There is NO halacha that requires weddings as anything more than 2 witnesses, a ketuva and a chupa. If you can't afford a wedding, don't have one. Society does not OWE anything to anyone, and if you're dumb enough to use the argument "people will go into debt to throw big weddings" then you are just dumb and will most likely end up pushing rocks up hills.

The third thing I will do if I get to rule the world, would be to forbid kolel. Hashem created time zones. Time zones ensure that someone is always learning Torah. A system of mandatory Torah learning will be enforced. The system will be calculated by the genuises (who will have to abide by the laws as well) in such a way to ensure Torah learning WILL go on around the world. The best Torah learners will be able to learn "full time" by going into chinuch as rebbeim. However, the term "kollel" will not be used. Semantics, I know. But hey, its MY fantasy dream world.

The fourth thing I will do, is forbid the formation of crazy chumras. Anyone who does something completely ridiculous, like deem garlic "chometz" because their chassidishe ancestors used it to store chometz, will be thrown into prison. Any chassidishe people (other than lubavich, they're funny :)) will be forced into litvishe customs (which will surely be moderated as well). No more knickers and white socks being deemed as "Jewish clothing." No more Black hats either. Abe Lincoln was NOT a Jew, therefore we have NO reason to deem the black hat as a "frummer than thou" identifier. You're not frummer, you're just dumber, and probably have nothing better to do. Pray you don't end up pushing rocks up hills.

Military wise, I would have a team of scientists form an anti-radiation bubble, which would be used to cover the entire country of Israel. For about a two-year span I will have each and every arab interviewed by therapists. If the therapists feel they are good, and decent, they will be allowed to go under Israel's anti-radiation bubble. After all the arabs are interviewed, I will nuke the entire mideast as it is the only way to prevent them from bombing us first. There will be plenty of people surving because of the bubble. The only sure extinct group of people are the Neturei Karta. They would not even be given opportunity for psychiatric evaluation, they will be automatically deemed evil.

Although I see the significance in having large families, I do not understand the people who want seven kids, but do not plan on raising them. People who are crappy parents will not be allowed to raise their own children. This will be tested by psychaitric evaluations and IQ/creativity tests, as well as nutrition tests. If the children are lacking in their development, the parents will be monitered. If it is deemed the parents fault, the children will taken away to live with families that want to spend time with them. If the "bad" families continue on having children because of some ridiculous chumra that birthcontrol is somehow assur d'oraisa, their kids will be taken away at birth. All birth parents will be granted the right to see/visit children unless they are abusive (physically as well as emotionally).

I'm sure I have more things to discuss here, but I am getting tired, and therefore will either comment, or write another post in the future. People, please nominate me! :)

Nominate ME to represent the Fascist party :)!!

15 comments:

ure fave commentor ;-) said...

oy gevald *shakes head*
gotta love ya, hun!

ProfK said...

One teensy little flaw in your plan--you're counting on psychiatrists and psychologists to tell you who is "normal." Who are you going to use to determine if the psychiatrist is normal? In a class, pick out the "strange" kids and 8 out of 10 have a psychologist/psychiatrist parent. Leaves you with the blind leading the blind.

frumskeptic said...

profk- my psychiatrists will be in the genius category. They're going to require an entire testing system as well. I guess I shoulda mentioned that.

ure fave commentor said...

who's going to test them? and what determines you to be normal? At one point all your geniuses may determine that you belong with the people pushing rocks up hills.

frumskeptic said...

fave commentor: As you may know, I'm evil. I plan on acquiring lots of money and I'm VERY knowledgeable. So, I will rule like many of the past dictators have. I will kill my main advisors (such as Stalin did) every few years to prevent them from getting enough power. Also, I will not EVER be deemed "dumb" because all the standards of what is dumb or not will be based on what I, and my advisors make them out to be. So therefore It's not possible. Also, since I do not plan on having a monarchy, but just a fascist dictatorship, my government wil be set up in such a way, that people like me will continously rule. Therefore, even If a genius tries to taek me over, because he finds a way to bypass me, he'll still be like me enough to either kill me, or allow me to just live. Thereforee, I would not be forced to push rocks, because separating soceity by IQ/creativity would still be instated.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

that was great! all so true- no reason we should support big weddings of unproductive (in torah) yeshiva people. yeshivish people know how to be parents like I know how to give birth, etc. etc..

by the way; Mickey Mouse loves you! Half price to all Disney theme parks to anyone who reads my blog! [Offer valid through january 28. Only valid in participating states. taxes and fees may apply]

..joking

The Comic Torah said...

A lot of Jews consider a self-declaration of Frummitude prima facie evidence of mental illness. I don't agree but I think that argument might carry some weight and need to be countered.

Anonymous said...

You're so cute, and have way too much free time on your hands. I agree with almost everything you wrote (minus the chochnosos kallah thing...but we already discussed that). Anita, did you ever have a dream where everything is ideal? Like you win the lottery or become the ruler of the universe? The problem with these dreams is waking up. I know your just writing fantasy and about an "anita ideal world" but, one day, a long time from now you will wake up and realize that G-d didnt destine you to be the ruler of the universe, and that your pretty ordinary (dont get me wrong, I like you - and i dont like most people, so really - you are way better then ordinary) but still, you are no leader of the universe. In any case, dream and dream hard, cause one day you will realize that its pointless to dream of anti nuclear bubbles :).

Im just a sad old fart dont mind me.
p.s…hehe, I like the lubavs.

frumskeptic said...

Anonymous: I don't really have free time!! unfortunately I'm queen of procrostination, which only shows that I AM capable of being the queen of something, which may very well lead to my eventually ruling the world. Oh...and I'm far from ordinary, so therefore, you are totally wrong on my life being destined to just be ordinary. Not possible. I'm way above ordinary, I was able to babysit a 3 yr old who was super hyper, exactly like his mother, big mouth and manipulative. He even once manipulated me into giving him a cookie...how many "ordinary" ppl could handle that?? ;)

Your Muse said...

okay i think your facist world has many flaws begining with the seperation between smart and "not smart" and the strong. first of all without idiots to control there are only geniuses trying to beat eachother out and only end up running in circles like dogs that chase their tails. which simply makes the geniuses idiots b/c they will only be running circles around themselves. anyway this is just one of my disagreements with this article.

on the other hand i do support the anti kollel idea and would fully support that.

i really think this plan is not fool proof b/c geniuses can simply fail the IQ test and gather the "not smart" ppl to fight for them. and then gather the smart ppl promising them power and have all your subjects turn against you at he drop of a hat- your hat.

in conclusion, the think this fanasty land has to be reconsidered and reinvented with modification. but then again how much can you really modify something that you cant predict, even if you do over analyze the situation. life always finds a way to bite you in the butt!!

ure fave commentor said...

<< I dont really have free time >>
*cough cough*

frumskeptic said...

muse: Ok, firstly no form of government is foolproof. Secondly, my geniuses will NOT be running around in circles, because they WILL be maintaning and controlling the dumb people. NOT all the dumb people will be pushing rocks up hills, just the ones deemed as the "dumbest". Therefore my geniuses will have plenty to do. Plus, this is fascism NOT communism, I do not mind whatsoever if they compete with eachother. Infact, because fascism promotes capitalism, and laissez-faire in economic issues, the geniuses will have NO choice but to compete if they wanna be rich. Plus, I don't mind if someone bypasses me and rules me over, afterall, the form of government is my IDEAL form, so therefore, I just want to make sure that the government remains that way with or without me in power. Like what Stalin (btw, i KNOW he was a commi)said before he died, that he succeeded in spreading communism to the US, therefore he succeeded...same thing with my fascism.

Moshe said...

Too many people gonna end up pushing rocks up hills. Let's put them on treadmills and generate electricity.

As far as weddings go, we had a couple small wedding in shul and nobody exploded yet. My wedding was around 150 couples, mostly from shul and they were served chicken. Again, nobody exploded or went into insane psychopathic rage.

If you haven't watched Idiocracy, go watch it, tomorrow, asap.

Anonymous said...

I think it's extreme to say that if you're poor, don't have a wedding. Everybody deserves to make it a special day.

Nobody said you have to throw a huge lavish affair, but I think every couple deserves at least a small, simple wedding.

frumskeptic said...

Anonymous- Have a wedding, be my guest. Don't expect others to pay for it. And don't come up with fake segulahs about what will happen if you sponser such a wedding.