Saturday, December 22, 2007

Why be jealous?

Last week a friend of mine had attended a wedding. Before the wedding, she called me and was all annoyed because she did not want to attend the wedding. That was one wedding she really should've WANTED to go to (she knew both the bride and the groom very well). The reason she didn't want to go, was jealousy.
My friend is almost 20, and unfortunately because of our ridiculous society she is one year away from being deemed an "old maid". My friend is feeling pressured, and instead of being happy for her friends for finding each other, she is jealous.
I'm a month older than my friend, and apparently that should make me feel even more pressured. However, I think all this shidduchim craze is completely ridiculous, and I'm not going to allow myself to go crazy.
Infact, even if I were to be jealous, this particular couple is not one to be jealous of.

This couple, is relatively young. The kallah is 20 and the chosson is 21. Neither of them have a job, and they both have a few years left of college. What will they be living on? Their parents!
I think this is the most ridiculous situation to be jealous of. Why would anyone be jealous of a couple that isn't even self-sufficient? I understand parents HELPING, but fully supporting? What's the point? Isn't marraige about working together to start your own family? So why have your parents still be 100% financially responsible for you? I just don't get it.
Why be jealous?


Anonymous said...

Since no one commented yet I will: I agree with you. Wait until you're ready. You'll be happier in the long run. Too many people get married before they have the necessary maturity.

abandoning eden said...

maybe because in the frum world women are not seen as adult or worthwhile in any way until they are married and start pushing out babies.

But as a sociologist here's some good news for you: the later you get married, the less likely you are to divorce. This is especially true of people who are in their early 20s; they are the most likely to get divorced, becuase they haven't yet finished developing their own personalities and expectations to the point where they can match up with someone compatible with them.

think about it, they haven't even finished college and started working at whatever jobs their going to eventually work at. People who have jobs and have to take care of themselves are very very different from people who are in school and depend on their parents, and when you make that transition people's "true colors" (or what I like to think of as their "adult personality") come out. How can you marry someone when you don't even know what they're going to be like when they have to start taking care of themselves?

frumskeptic said...

ae: I also told people that I'm sure the climbing divorce rate in the community must stem from their lack of personality and their inability to act as adults to begin with. I don't see it as an age issue though (my parents were :mom 18 and dad 24 ) but I see it as "women are not seen as adult or worthwile..." You can be an adult, with a developed personality if you're treated as an adult, even at the ages 14 or 15. But getting married when you are incapable of financially taking care of your spouse is another issue, no matter how old. I mean I know girls who couldn't comprehend basic economics, and they went to decent schools, and then the guys they married went to yeshivish crappy schools and probably never took a class in economics to begin with.
Now take this couple, they get married, with no jobs. Their parents FULLY support them. It doesn't even matter if they're mature and can take care of kids. Their marriage is totally screwed once daddy can no longer support them because of his bad back.

ProfK said...

It's why, when I hear of a couple that is getting married and will not be self-supporting, I wish the mazel tov to the parents and not the young couple. It's the parents who are going to need the luck if they have to start supporting two families instead of just one.