Thursday, June 19, 2008

Be comfy

I was linked to an article on Cosmpolitan called 40 Girlie Moves That Make Guys Melt. One of the guys said:

"Like most chicks, there's a big difference between how my girlfriend looks when she's out and dressed up, and when she's in dress-down mode, hanging out at home. At first, she was shy about pulling back her hair and putting on her glasses instead of her contacts. But I love how she looks when she's relaxed. Maybe it's because I'm one of the few people who get to see her that way."

I found what he said absolutely fascinating. Why? Because of the mere fact that B'Y and probably kallah classes as well, teach girls that they should care more about how they look inside the house than they do when they are out. I remember the teacher at my HS who used to teach about shalom bayis and such was very into the fact that woman should always look nice. She told a stories (which I heard from many other teachers) about these ladies who would apply make-up more often while at home than while they were out. These women would greet their husbands every day in make-up and nice clothes (the same ones they wore to work, not sweat pants and a huge t-shirt). And supposedly, these husbands were the ones that were happier in their marraiges.

Honestly, I'm no feminist. I understand that guys are attracted to femininity and all sorts of lady-like behavior. The thing is, is that some of those behaviors are SUPER uncomfortable (ie, wearing heels, itchy sweaters, and fitted clothes - especially -around the house). Not only that, but being dressed up inside or all the time is just super impractical. Wearing make-up is really bad for the skin, constantly straightening/curling hair can damage it, and wearing above-decent clothes around the house can damage them (as if guys don't complain enough as it is that women spend to much time and money on shopping).

I do love to dress up on occassion, and I like the attention I get when I do, but I sure like my baggy pants and over-sized sweatshirt ALOT more. While I cannot wear the pants and sweatshirt out (faded, stained, worn-out) I feel really bad wasting such comfy garments on the garbage, so I'm keeping them.

So ladies, next time you're at a speech and the speaker tells you that it is crucial to constantly "look-good" for your husband, remember what the guy said in Cosmopolitan, go home, put on your sweat-pants and your over-sized sweatshirt. Then go and put your hair up in a pony-tail and take your contacts out. If you're single, make this a habit, if you're married, don't worry about it- your husband probably doesn't pay attention to what you're wearing anyway.


Mikeinmidwood said...

That last thing is not true. we do notice. atleast those who care for others.

frustrated frummie said...

this reminds me of something i read here is the link it was pretty funny that i actually thought most guys liked the exact opposite of what was said here lol enjoy!!!

frumskeptic said...

mike: My mom bought two of the same sweater but in different colors. One was pink and one was purple. My mom and I deceided to wear them out on the same day- oh..and this was the second time we each wore them (first separataly). My dad looked at me (and I was standing right next to my mom) and he said "Anita, is that a new sweater? I like it."

I was like "well, I wore it before, and Mama is wearing the same sweater."

He was like "Oh, I didnt notice."

Another time my mom was getting ready for wedding, and she was wearing an outfit she's worn ALOT of times. My father goes "wow, you look nice, Is that new?"

From girls I've spoken to (either about husbands or fathers) they all had MANY similar stories. So when the last part isn't true its the exception.

Moshe said...

Actually, I like the army/electrician/gun or other weapon wielding/not standard chicks. Tells me they're not sheep who follow the herd and have a mind of their own.
Every time I see a female verizon worker, I'm like "that is so cool"

Anonymous said...

You can tell that teacher I think she's absolutely out to lunch. Yes guys are attracted to feminity, when it's done right but makeup isn't doing it right.

Personally I can't abide women who wear visible make up. Not only isn't it good for the skin, but it shows a deficient aesthetic sense. It's an appeal to superficiality. (Clear stuff for complexion problems is okay, but I can't understand why otherwise sane women would use lipstick, colored nail polish, or eye shadow. That stuff is disgusting.) And high heels are bad for your posture and your achilles tendons.

Ichabod Chrain

Moshe said...

Nothing uglier than one of those Clown College women. That amount of makeup should only be legal in the circus.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

I agree with anonymous here, but in regards to what Anita said about the need to wear something comfortable in the house, I don't think (the terribly unsexy) baggy pants and teeshirt are the only way to go about it (I think it should be comparable to a guy wearing a womens dress at home..)- there are many light short-cut dresses which seem to be very comfortable for example...there are other well-known and acceptable ways to dress in the house which would be below the honor of the audience here to mention(!)...

Moshe said...

I don't think they're terribly unsexy.
I wear a yukata (kimono) at home. Would wear a kilt too, for fun.

"there are many light short-cut dresses which seem to be very comfortable"
And how would you know? ;-)

mlevin said...

I have a problem with some sentiments here. The whole point of cosmetics is to enhance one’s beauty. Some women need blush or they look like death, they are that pale. Others need lipstick to hide lip imperfections. Mascara is needed to lengthen short eyelashes.

My colleague’s wife decided to sell Mary Kay. One of the things she was taught is, “if you see a really ugly woman, teach her how to apply make up the wrong way. This way people think that she’s beautiful and has bad make up skills”

Frummies, of course, got it wrong (like everything else) and think wearing lots of make is a good thing.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Yeah, I agree- most of those girls look pretty bogus in that makeup...they don't realize that many guys much rather natural imperfections to 'a lot of colorful stuff on the face'!

Anonymous said...

When my cousin was dating he had a firm rule that whoever he married wouldnt wear much, if any, makeup. I agree.

His wife is a very laid back girl from Australia. I dont think he could have found someone like her in NY.

mlevin said...

Skirts and home never go together. Skirts are not comfortable and they get in a way and get stained much more easier than pants. When one has little children, these kids have a tendancy to pull on skirts and pull them off their mother (very embarrassing when in public).

My friend lives in Bangladesh. She says there is nothing better for a woman than sari. It has loose pants and a dress like top that covers upto mid thigh. I think that saris are the most tznios and comfortable dress for women… But we live in a different society where woman’s comfort is not a priority.

Anonymous said...

@ff: great list at z100. Thanks for linking.
Was this the blog I read with comments about how typical boys have never had a social conversation with a female?

Then however a girl looks won't matter.

Oh, the rule of thumb is make-up should not be noticed as being present.

Loose clothing is good. Be comfortable.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

mlevin: I said dresses (like the kind without sleeves and that goes until the knees), not skirts. ..anyway..there's less of a חיוב on צניעות at home..

The Babysitter said...

Great post I agree with your so much on this one.

Its great to be comfy!

That's true about the men not noticing clothing. When I put something on that I barely wear my father would ask if its new, even if I've worn it before, and he'd seen me wear it.

They say woman just dress up either for themselves or for other woman. Think about it, with the mechitzas and everything, its basically all woman, so their just impressing the other ladies.

I personally never look at what people are wearing. Someone will say "Remember that person wearing that blue and white..." and I have no clue who their talking about. I always look at their face when I'm talking to them. Only if I'm in a situation where I'm forced to sit in one place for a long period of time, do I start looking around and noticing what people wear. Like I noticed one Chinese girl in my speech class seems to be wearing the same outfit every day! She wears a white sweater with red pants. Maybe she has one alternative outfit that I've seen her in, but she loves those red pants.

A teacher in HS once said, there's no reason for makeup. Either your pretty on your own and don't need it. Or your face is so bad that makeup won't help. But then again if you ever look at the pictures of celebrities without makeup they look horrible, you wouldn't recognize them, and yet on screen they look amazing. So a good makeup job is one wear it looks natural, like natural beauty.

frumskeptic said...

Babysitter: I never thoght of it as women dress for women. It is sooo true tho. lol. Who else would pay attention to your new awesome shoes? Certainly not the males in the household. LOL

I'm like you. I hardly ever notice what other people are wearing. I'm not interested. I care about my own clothes. lol. Tho I do like to pick my sisters clothes out for her. :)