Monday, February 2, 2009

Scandelous Wedding

Lately at work I've been kinda stuck at my desk. While at my desk I listen to talk radio (the Joe Scarborro Show is my favorite) and then during commercials I randomly browse around FM radio.

Alot of the songs out these days would be perfect to play at the frum wedding especially if you have the intention of ticking off a few frummies. :)

During the shmorg to keep the people unsuspecting you keep to playing the typical lame classical style music. For the bedeken when the guy comes out, you blast the chorus of "Untouched" by The Veronicas, afterall, its been a week since the couple has seen each other, and there is alot of tension in the air between the two. What song could possibly be better? As the guy is leaving, instead of being sung away, the perfect song would be to blast "I can't wait to see you again" by Miley Cyrus - in about 10 minutes they'll be seeing each other again, under the chupah.

When the single brothers (if any and from either side) walk down, you blast Womanizer by Britney Spears. Afterall, if they're above bar mitvah, they should be married by now. Especially with the shidduch crisis!

When the single sisters walk down the aisle, you assume they're still in HS, or else why are they still single? So you play "Faded" by Cascada because well, even if she's unique, she's probably pretending to "fit in a perfect box."

Finally, it will be time for the groom to come down. If the couple has a sense of humor, the guy will be more than happy to walk down to "Livin la vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. That would bring a laugh amongst all the people, especially if the bride is not the typical B"Y type but actually likes to have fun.

And finally for the bride, she walks down to "Genie in a bottle" by Christina Aguilera. Afterall, she's been having sleepless nights waiting for someone to release her from her single state, ever since she saw her first Disney movie. ;-), or well, her first wedding if she doesn't have a "video machine."

Once the kallah is under the chupa, it is time for her to walk around the guy 7 times. Depends on who you ask you'll get a different answer on what the walk represents. The feminists insist that the walk represents that she makes his house. She is in control of his welfare, so for the feminist, the song that would be played would be "Circus" by Britney Spears. Afterall, she's like the "ring leader" and she "calls the shots." If she's not the feminist type, and she believes the 7 time walk represents that she is now responsible to cater to his needs, Britney has also provided us with the chorus to the perfect song "I was born to make you happy"

For when the couple is finally married, and they are walking out in their typical holding-hand move, they go romantic and play "A Moment like this" by Kelly Clarkson, which happens to be kosher (aside for kol isha).

If you're going modern, and the bride and groom dance the first dance together, the best song to tick off some frummies would be "Too Close" by Next. heck, that song would tick off anyone that is even remotely prudish, even if they aren't frum.

How many of you would have the guts to play these at your weddings? I don't think I would, I'd be afraid my parents would beat me after. :-)


Maidel said...

this is good!

like a virgin as she walks back from the yichud room!

frumskeptic said... a virgin!! that is an excellent idea!

Shorty said...


Moshe said...

The ultimate love song, Du Hust by Rammstein.

When the chosson is walking down the isle, Svadba by Sektor Gaza.

Свадьба! Смотрите, ведут!
Сегодня на кого-то надели хомут.
Свадьба! Под хлопанье рук
Сегодня кто-то добровольно влез под каблук.

Moshe said...

Somebody made a vid with svadba as background music.

Dina said...

The least offensive title that springs to mind as I read this is "Venus in Furs" by Velvet Underground; I don't think I can be trusted with a soundtrack.

fave commenter - remember me? ;) said...

:) cute post! (but of course CV"S would I know any of those songs...;))

frumskeptic said...

moshe- where do u find this stuff? lol

fave commenter- :-)! lol

you are brilliant, for I would never have choped the cuteness of the post if I havent had heard any of these songs. ;)

harry-er than them all said...

i always wanted to walk to the chuppah ttto stairway to heavan by led zeppelin
and into the dancing ttto enter sandman by metallica

Anonymous said...

Like a virgin is good, but the best stuff is the old stuff. Like "With Aspect Stern and Gloomy Stride, He Takes Her for His Bride" from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado.

Best wedding song ever.

Ichabod Chrain

Tuvia said...

Basically all I listen to at work is talk radio. I think I am addicted to it!

frumskeptic said...

Tuvia- do u listen to the Joe Scarborro show?

I am absolutely in love with it. lol.


Generally to everyone, if you're going modern, and you're taking away the mechitza at the middle of the wedding, for mixed dancing, you play "footloose" cuz that song represents soo much. lol

Tuvia said...

Nope, I can't say I even know the show. I mainly listen to Opie & Anthony and Ron & Fez. They keep me sane while working 12 hour days :-/