Scandelous Wedding

Lately at work I've been kinda stuck at my desk. While at my desk I listen to talk radio (the Joe Scarborro Show is my favorite) and then during commercials I randomly browse around FM radio.

Alot of the songs out these days would be perfect to play at the frum wedding especially if you have the intention of ticking off a few frummies. :)

During the shmorg to keep the people unsuspecting you keep to playing the typical lame classical style music. For the bedeken when the guy comes out, you blast the chorus of "Untouched" by The Veronicas, afterall, its been a week since the couple has seen each other, and there is alot of tension in the air between the two. What song could possibly be better? As the guy is leaving, instead of being sung away, the perfect song would be to blast "I can't wait to see you again" by Miley Cyrus - in about 10 minutes they'll be seeing each other again, under the chupah.

When the single brothers (if any and from either side) walk down, you blast Womanizer by Britney Spears. Afterall, if they're above bar mitvah, they should be married by now. Especially with the shidduch crisis!

When the single sisters walk down the aisle, you assume they're still in HS, or else why are they still single? So you play "Faded" by Cascada because well, even if she's unique, she's probably pretending to "fit in a perfect box."

Finally, it will be time for the groom to come down. If the couple has a sense of humor, the guy will be more than happy to walk down to "Livin la vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. That would bring a laugh amongst all the people, especially if the bride is not the typical B"Y type but actually likes to have fun.


And finally for the bride, she walks down to "Genie in a bottle" by Christina Aguilera. Afterall, she's been having sleepless nights waiting for someone to release her from her single state, ever since she saw her first Disney movie. ;-), or well, her first wedding if she doesn't have a "video machine."


Once the kallah is under the chupa, it is time for her to walk around the guy 7 times. Depends on who you ask you'll get a different answer on what the walk represents. The feminists insist that the walk represents that she makes his house. She is in control of his welfare, so for the feminist, the song that would be played would be "Circus" by Britney Spears. Afterall, she's like the "ring leader" and she "calls the shots." If she's not the feminist type, and she believes the 7 time walk represents that she is now responsible to cater to his needs, Britney has also provided us with the chorus to the perfect song "I was born to make you happy"

For when the couple is finally married, and they are walking out in their typical holding-hand move, they go romantic and play "A Moment like this" by Kelly Clarkson, which happens to be kosher (aside for kol isha).

If you're going modern, and the bride and groom dance the first dance together, the best song to tick off some frummies would be "Too Close" by Next. heck, that song would tick off anyone that is even remotely prudish, even if they aren't frum.

How many of you would have the guts to play these at your weddings? I don't think I would, I'd be afraid my parents would beat me after. :-)