There has been alot on my mind lately, and so I decided to chat with one of my friends about it. We started off with a very nice conversation, and she completely seemed to understand me. It was rather fun making far-fetched analogies and comparing lives and thoughts. Then she said to me "I think you should speak to Rav X", and I'm like "what? why? what will he say?"
I dont understand why, if I have some sort of problem, be it shidduch-related, halachic, personal (parents, friends, career, family) or hashkafic (like grandma going to hell thing) I don't understand WHY I automatically need to seek guidance with a Rabbi. Why can't I just kvetch?
One of the things I have a problem with is fake people in general. I have a specific issue with the fact that modern and yeshivish people are so frikkin opposite that its almost scary to label yourself. The modern people specifically compete about who is more or less modern, while the frummies compete who is frummer.
A few years ago when the bug-in-water thing came out, alot of people I know either went out and bought filters (or put socks over their faucets), or didn't do anything at all, sat around and made fun of the whole thing. Both those people irk me. Why are you automatically driving yourself nuts buying filters? Why not go, look and see if there are bugs? Why not learn a bit about it in the newspapers before you ban tap-water, when only a few hundred years ago all the Jews used to drink from wells and the bugs were actually VISIBLE!!
I mean really now... BUGS in tap water?
Why can't people just look. Nope. No one looks. Yeshivish people blindly follow what their rabbi says, and the modern people specifically make sure NOT to do what the yeshivish people are doing. They're the kind (and I know families like this) who BELIEVE that YES there are bugs in the water, yet they don't want to buy a filter for fear they will no longer appear "modern."
Why would you NOT buy a filter if you believed there were treif non-microscopic bugs in it? You're an idiot. What are you proving by drinking bugs? You really care that much about your reputation?
So I ask my friend, why is the yeshivish guy better, for blindly buying the filter, if the modern guy blindly doesn't buy the filter? Aren't they equally as retarded?
So she says "ask the Rav, he'll tell you about the bug crisis!"
WHY DOESN"T SHE SEE THIS IS DEEPER THAN BUGS IN WATER?
Then there's the hair covering. I hate the idea of women covering hair. Especially if they cover it with a sheital. It just drives me banana's. But there are those people, who treat it as if its hard-core halacha, which its not. It is a machlokes at most. Yet, the yeshivish people treat it as halacha, and the modern people treat it as something they "choose" not to do, even if they have no idea whether or not it is halacha or minhag. Here is an interesting article I read about this. The only thing rabbi's have ever told me was "You don't want the answer so you're arguing"
No people, I want answers. Infact, it would be a heckuva lot easier for me to just blindly follow everything. My life will be void of stress and headache.
I would love it, if just one day, a Rabbi said to me "You know what, you're right, we don't know, we just THINK this is the best way" rather than be like "you're not interested."
Infact, last year I actually emailed my friends rabbi. She said he "wouldn't be the type to give you the 'your not interested answer""
And he did!! Before I even started arguing. He was like "Rachel said that you're like x,y,z" So I was like "did Rachel forget to mention that I'm also a BT, and I encourgaged my family to become frum with me? and that I go to shuirim, and that I read and learn alot? Or did Rachel conveniently forget that?"
So he opened up a bit for like 2 emails, and then was like "It's more than just the source!" So I was like "well, I want to know then what it is" So he goes "You dont, you're just saying you do!"
You know how much respect I would have had if he would have just told me "Anita, its a machlokes, we take it as a halacha because Isha's Sotah is a huge deal" ?? But no one tells me that. Because they don't want to. becuase if they tell me that, they have to admit they said that to my friends, and then if word spreads, how will their kids go to yeshiva if their father (a Rabbi) was actually honest about something that had to do with halacha?!
So anyway, I was ranting about how fake I think frum people are, and how it bothers me that I have to go on a hunt searching for whether or not things are as they seem to be, or if they're taught by some frummer elders of zion to control the masses. And she goes "Ask Rabbi X, he won't lie to you"
No, I'm sure he wont. I'm sure he beleives the answers he's feeding me. The cookie cutter answers I've been receiving from my teachers.
Why can't I rant, and be given the opportunity to have a friend tell me she "understands"? Why does she have to recommend that I seek some sort of Rabbinic help. Doesn't she realize that is exactly what is throwing me off?