Lately I've been thinking about the concept of heaven/hell. I was thinking about how Jews believe in levels. And I also thought about how Jews, generally, believe that each time one does a mitzvah, they have another malach that advocates on their behalf, so that they get to a higher level, or spend less time in the other, lower level, or something like that.
Basically, what supposedly happens is that Hashem shows like a video recording of your life, and you feel ashamed, and then he sends you down to gohenim, or something like that. Again, I'm not sure, and with each person that gives a shuir on this, I get confused, and completely disinterested.
So anyway, the other day, I was thinking about my grandmother. Exclusively about her and whether or not she will go to hell. I love my grandmother dearly, and I think she is a good person, and though she isn't the only person in the family who isn't frum the thought of her eventually going to some low level in olam haba tends to bother me.
My grandma is a good lady. She isn't frum. My rabbi made a huge shuir on how if someone isn't frum, but they didn't have opportunity to learn how to be frum, they will not be punished for it, because it is not their fault; however, if they live in Brooklyn, where its super easy for them to learn, it is their fault, and they will be punished for not doing mitzhos because they chose not to learn, and they had opportunity too.
My grandma lives in Brooklyn, and she chooses not to learn. Some might say "well, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and since your granny came from the USSR, she'll be ok", but began thinking...
1) I know people who went frum in their old age
2) Being frum isn't for everyone. As "ideal" as this may seem to the average frummy, not everyone can, nor should put themselves through a lifestyle of restrictions, and annoying frum people who compete on who can limit their food options more (those who eat only cholov yisroal, pas yisroal, kemach yoshon etc.).
3) why does an idiot, who never learned, but was "fortunate" enough to be ffb, get any schar at all, if all it is to him is blind following of a lifestyle he happened to be born into? Why does a person, who chooses to follow their lifestyle not get rewarded, just because their lifestyle happens to not be the frum one?
Then there are people who are frum who gain tons of brownie points doing mitzvahs but in reality, they aren't really good people, they're morons.
Like for example, the guys who seek prostitutes? They do countless numbers of mitzvos yet they do one thing, that stands out, that is really bad. Does Hashem give angels that may be better or worse advocates for the good deeds, based on the evil?
There are so many frum people who are simply pains in the ass. They wreek a lot of havoc, yet they're frum. Why should they go to heaven, and not my grandma? Or does my grandma go to heaven and they have no zchar at all? OR is there a balance and all the black/white BS we learn in BY and in shuirim all...well...BS?
I vote for BS, because well...B"Y has a way with scare tactics...but it still leaves me wondering, will my grandma go to hell?