Saturday, September 6, 2008

Set-ups

A newly engaged friend of mine was telling my family how she met her chosson.

She says "Family friends tried to set me up with him. I wasn't dating because I was planning on going to Israel and I generally didn't like anything I heard about him. So I said no. Then I hear that they are going to have a shabbaton with a few single girls and guys and even though I knew he would be there, I didn't think anything of it, and decided I should go. Then the host got us together, and while we didn't hit it off, I did agree to go on a date to try it out, and then 1.5 months later, we're engaged!"

I feel that having those small shabbaton meals at people's houses is a great idea. I know the idea was around for a very very long time, but it seems that no one is actually putting it into effect. Everytime I hear about a friend going somewhere its an all-girls meal or shabbos getaway and shadchanim are present. There is never any sort of mix-meal (that I hear of) unless its for older singles.

I asked my super frummy friend if she would go to a mix meal and she was like "depends on who is giving it and everything."

I said "me or a family friend"

And she said "I have to know the family friend"

Whatever. This is what the frum society is dealing with. This is why nothing practical can go into effect; they raise people to be so anti-social in terms of opposite gender interaction.

One of my friends said "why don't you make one in your house?"

I was like "Don't you think if I knew enough single guys I would've already set them up with my friends?"

These people cannot think. It's very frustrating.

18 comments:

Moshe said...

So how about a blogger meet this shabbat day at my place? You, babysitter, childish and mike.

frumskeptic said...

Lol. I'm up for getting out of my house.

A bit awkward linking it to this post tho, no?

Moshe said...

;-)

frumskeptic said...

Hitroy Evrey. lol

Jessica said...

I was just at a "friends shabbaton" this past shabbas. There were some couples and some single people. I don't think it was specifically set up to, uh, set people up, but that'd be cool if some connections were made.

frumsatire said...

The frummies will only put a dent in this so called shidduch crisis once they stop being so frummy. It will probably take something like a new kind of upper west side full of BY girls who are in their 30s- if the yeshiva world news and Yated type of stuff are correct- this prophecy is already becoming the reality.

The Babysitter said...

funny reading this after the fact!

FrumSkeptic: the way you told the story sounded better, but this basically sums it up.

But you know what, when I came home and told my father where I was, my brother over heard, and he said I shouldn't have gone. But now that I've gone and had such a good time I don't see it as anything bad, it was just talking. But yet I have no way to convince my brother that its ok. But beforehand I might have been against such a thing too, but now I think its great.

But really as for the purpose of setting people up, I don't think that works.

Moshe said...

I think it's a good way for people to get to know each other without the pressure of being on an "official date".

The Babysitter said...

Moshe: That may be true. It's just a new concept to me.

Moshe said...

On a date, people are pressured to act a certain way. They may or may not act themselves because they're trying to impress the other person. On a date you're also on the spotlight to contribute to the conversation.

In an informal group setting, there's safety in numbers. You're not on a date with specific person, you're just checking out people. If you want, you can talk, if you don't, there are others who will so there's no pressure. People are more relaxed and who they really are shows much better than on a date.

Plus, it's simply fun to hang out in a small group.

frumskeptic said...

babysitter- former blogger frummeyente's parents met at someones house. Then theres my friend, and a few other people.

The concept isn't really so new, its just that frummies stigmatized girl/guy socialization so much that they don't do it anymore. The discuss this as an "idea" but no one wants to be the one to initiate such stuff.

Though I do have to admit showing up KNOWING someone is trying to set you up would definitly be awkward. But not anymore awkward than shidduch dating which leaves you with no dignity.

Moshe said...

I consider it as having fun first and set-up second. If something happens, it happens, if it doesn't, people will still walk away feeling good.

The Babysitter said...

Moshe: I understand what your saying, it makes sense.

FrumSkeptic: right, because of the socialization, is why the frummies wouldn't agree with it.

Moshe: I agree 100% with that. So it is good.

sporadicintelligence said...

I was curious to see what my parents view was on "shabbatons" were.

It was a no go, to say the least.

This is coming from a father who had a quasi girlfriend, and a mother who knew everyboy in the area growing up.

It's society, what are you gonna do? You gotta live within the confines of it to an extent.

Moshe said...

The question is, are you gonna come or not? And where do you live?

sporadicintelligence said...

I'd LOVE to come in theory, and appreciate the invitation. But where I'm holding, it's a nisht. Thanks though :)

...Besides if you're in Flatbush, it'll be a VERY far walk...

Frayda said...

my female friends don't have any problems coming to a mixed shabbos meal. i just don't know any guys to invite!

frumskeptic said...

frayda- what about married friend's husband's friends?