About two years ago my friend did something so terrible that I could not forgive her for a very long time. What she did made me cry for a very long time. In fact, the occurrence made me question certain things and the decisions I have made towards them. I couldn't live with myself, or the decisions I had made prior to my knowledge of her actions.
Then Rosh Hoshanah came around- months (atleast 8) later- and it came time to ask for forgiveness in hopes of being inscribed in the "good" book. I knew I wouldn't be able to forgive her. I had no intention of discussing it with her nevermind the possibility of making myself feel guilty for something SHE did simply because I couldn't forgive her. I was terribly hurt and I wasn't about to forgive her just because it happened to be the season to forgive.
So I decided I'll just let things work themselves out. And this was a close friend who I happened to see all the time. So it wasn't so "far fetched" for me to think things would work themselves out.
Came Yom Kippur, and she still hasn't asked for forgiveness; Shmini Atzeret ended, and still no asking for forgiveness. So I just let it go. And I figured "screw it, I wasn't going to forgive her anyway"
And so I left it at that.
Then a few months later, I realized I let it go. I didn't care what she did, because I got over it. It was totally unrelated to my life and so while I didn't "forgive" her, I certainly lost interest, and had it been yom kippur, I probably would've forgiven her had she thought about asking. But at the time of yom kippur, only a few months earlier, I wasn't able to forgive her. So what happened?
Was I a cause of her possibly being judged towards the "bad" books side? Did Hashem know in advanced I wouldn't care in a few months, and so weighed it on the "good" book side? OR did it go towards the following years mechila?
What's the deal?