Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Why the desperation?

Today at work I received a text message from my best friend, it read:

Omg, ________is really desperate to get married. she just told me she has like two dates everday this week.

I was in total shock. The girl is 21 (possibly still 20) and she's already going nuts. I texted my best friend back and asked her why the girl is so desperate, and she replied "because her sisters were married by that age."

I think that is absolutely insane! She's not her sisters. To go out with 8 guys (i'm not counting friday or motzei shabbos) in one week is a really bad idea. That can totally confuse and complicate everything. I hate that the frum world has turned girls into this. I really hate it.

A few hours later (my best friend works) I received another text that read something like "her sisters also went out on 18 dates with their husbands before they got engaged, so thats how many dates she wants to have before getting engaged."

The frum world needs serious change. I obviously don't see anything wrong with encouraging people to start families and such, but to make 21 year old girls feel desperate is insane. And to ALLOW your daughter to go out with 8 guys at once is insane. This entire situation is insane.


Moshe said...

Well, at least she's saving time on getting to the shidduch crisis stage. ;-)

frumskeptic said...

If she's 21, she's already at the "crisis" stage.

See how sucky the frum community is with this stuff?

Child Ish Behavior said...

People just want to fit in. Half her friend are already popin out the babies from the baby factory. If she were not Jewish it could very well be a pregnancy pact.

frumskeptic said...

Why does everyone care so much about fitting in?

I'm all for minding your own business and letting others mind their own as well. People are so annoying.

Child Ish Behavior said...

So you want everyone to fit in by not fitting in.

Moshe said...

By not being brainless sheep. And this applies to the previous post as well.

frumskeptic said...

umm..no...I think people should do whatever they feel is right for them. As long as they actually think about the actions before they do them.

If making yourself desperate at 20 to get married seems right to you, thats fine, but don't think so only because of your sisters. Your sisters had different circumstances.

Similarly, don't get yourself into a pregnancy pact because of all the other people around you. They may have different life circumstances.

DYS said...

If that's her thought process, she's not ready to get married.

Gaston said...

Clearly this 21 yr old needs a serious change, but OFS, based on this one nut job of a 21 year old, you wrote that "The frum world needs serious change."

Based on my wife, sisters (i have many) and nieces (I have a lot of those too), I can say that this 21 year old is not typical. None of the frum young women I know act/think like that.

While I am sure you can find many women who act like her, I can assure you there are many, many more who do not.

frumskeptic said...

dys: I agree with you.

gaston: I'm sure there are plenty of people who are not at all like her, but the entire concept of the "shidduch crisis" is exactly this- girls aren't getting married at 19 anymore. It makes that group of frummies nervous and they start coming out with ridiculous statistics to scare the crap out of girls and stuff. Then the scare tactic makes girls desperate enough to go out with about 8 guys in a week!

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, her. We went out three times in one week, but she thought I was a different person everytime.

I guess it's easy to get confused when you're on a date with a different guy every night.

mlevin said...

Frumpunk - no she was confused because all her dates look the same. Her requirements are very specific down to the bochur's height, weight, age and eye/hair color and complection. They also all dress the same... And they all happened to prepare the same dvar torah, which she now hates after hearing it 8 times.

That's why she's not married. She's waiting for someone different to showup.

Michelle said...

OMG i know girls like that.
They're idiots ;)

The Babysitter said...

after reading your posts in a backwards order, I would say it has to do with your "previous" post about the ones who raised the children. So here its not the girls fault that she feels pressured at 20/21 to get married. Its more her parents/educators for forcing that belief on her. If anything I would feel bad for her because of it. That look what she has to go through. I would be lucky I don't have those pressures coming at me and therefore don't have the same desperation.