Part 3- Lying as a survival mechanism.
As seen in post 1 and post 2 the frum community is full of psycho control freaks trying to one-up themselves by coming up with crazy chumras. They ban everything and anything and then spy and tell on each other to ensure their control remains intact. The obvious outcome of being in costant fear of doing something wrong, is doing it anyway, but lying about it; making lying a survival mechanism when it comes to being frum.
The ability to lie has become a survival mechanism. People lie about how frum they are and go miles away to go on beaches just so they won't get caught and have their kids kicked out of school. They lie about where they go on vacation and they lie about what they eat and how they dress. This is all because of pressure from the schools.
When it comes to "outside influences" frummies are Kings at lying. They master things like hiding TV's in refrigerator boxes to get them into houses, and then hiding them behind furniture, or hiding little TV's under their beds. These people have to constantly fear their neighbors will find out or their kids will innocently squel about the TV's (or internet, or secular books, or newspapers) so they teach their kids to lie. On school admissions applications people are known to lie about the availability of TV and internet access. Heck, in 10th grade half the girls just forged their mom's signatures on notes saying they were allowed to use the internet (because it was just so dumb to ask the moms, they all used the internet already-with her permission).
What about how BT's are suggested to "conveniently leave out" information of their past, such as how they might've attended Public School?
What about people who lie to their kids on their ability to support them in kolel? The one's who are hugely in debt, yet claim they can afford 5 daughters marreid to bums, just so the girls get "good shidduchim." Lying comes naturally to the frum.
What irks me most is when these people justify their lying by claiming that all they're doing is "Playing the Game." They're not playing the game, they're lying because they lack scruples and fear the opinion of their neighbor more than Gd. If they really beleived in the work of Gd, they'd stop lying and trust Gd to make everything work out, simply because they're doing whats right.
The KGB was no better. The KGB was so incontrol that people adapted lying as a second langauge. I had friends growing up who were taught that everyone lied, because their parents had the Soviet mentality instilled in them. These girls used to lie about everything, and they lived in the US!
Back in the former Soviet Union, my mom had family that was affiliated with Jewish groups (super hidden stuff), therefore, around pesach time, my mom's family was able to get matzoh (not that they had any idea what Pesach was, or why they ate matzoh, but they did know matzoh was some sort of Jewish food). My mom remembers how she was told not to share the matzoh and not give it or show it to anyone.
In the Soviet Union lying was more than just hiding matzoh. It was a fact of life. The people had to constantly cheat and steal in business. If they were honest, they wouldn't be able to survive. Kind of like the frum people, if they are honest about their pasts, their actions on vacations and weekends, and honest about how much secular influences they allow in the home, they'd never get their kids in the right school, and then their kids wouldn't be able to find the right shidduch, and then they end up as good as dead. They're nothing.
The frum community needs serious help. More Rabbi's have to start concentrating on how sad it is that lying is a fact of life, and find a solution. They need to practice their own teachings, especially those on bechira-each person having a level they're on, and the grow in it, because they are ready to take the next step, not because Insert yeshiva institutions name here decided the families are required to keep certian things.
Anyway, there will be a part 4 next week. :-).